Fatima asks UnWikiAnswers

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Fatima: Dear UnWikiAnswers, I was searching for a clue to my identity when I came across your free service. Can you help me? I’m dying to know what I am.

UnWikiAnswers: Sure, we can help you. But first tell us a little about yourself, in your own words.

Fatima: Well, I’m a Muslim, but not by birth. My father was a Hindu, yet when he was faced with a life and death choice he became a Muslim. I often marvel at the Islamic preaching.

UnWikiAnswers: Go on.

Fatima: You see, I am both a staunch Shuni and Shite. And as such I’m ready and willing to die for Allah. And help Allah rid this holy land of the infidels who steal our oil for mere money. I detest them to the core of my virginity. Yes! I am woman. And still a virgin. That’s because if I die as a virgin, while blasting the infidels to the infernal regions, then I am blessed to go to heaven where I can be nicely situated as the sex slave of a disembodied terrorist.

UnWikiAnswers: Hummm. Continue. What do you do for a living?

Fatima: Well, I’m doing nothing for a living. I don’t care to live when my true love awaits me in heaven. I’m saving my virginity for him. What I really care about is dying, because then I can join my beloved. So I plan to explode myself among a group of young infidel soldiers. And blast them all to perdition. Then I can join my lover in paradise.

UnWikiAnswers: Jeez! How the heck will you manage that?

Fatima: I’m trained as a bomber. My handlers showed me how to wear the vest, and detonate the explosive. It will be a glorious bang, and immediately as the smoke clears I shall meet my love. Then together with 71 other virgins we will engage in eternal orgy. Ah! It makes my nipples hard just to think of it.

UnWikiAnswers: Okay. What was your original question?

Fatima: I’m trying to understand my position in life. I need to know, what am I?

UnWikiAnswers: Fine. Click on the “ANSWER” link below.

You are a ANSWER