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Hello, I am Tyrone. I really like packages. Do you like my pressed blue pants?

"In Soviet Russia, Cardboard boxes ship YOU!"

- Russian Reversal on FedEx

“Yup, ah once fed mah ex. Now I keent git rid a her!”

FedEx is a delivery service chosen by procrastinators and impatient people who don't want to be seen using trashy services like UPS, but are too much of a cheapskate to use DHL. In spite of the upscale image of FedEx, employees continue to have concerns about why only UPS drivers get the attention of hot babes, some citing the kitschy 1970s blue of the uniform rather than the rugged, outdoorsy brown outfit.


FedEx was started in 1211 by Jean Pierre Fedeux, who gained fame for transporting the Magna Carta, the famous English legal document, via overnight delivery. Historians recount that Pope Innocent III had finished a draft of the paper, and needed to send it from a Kinkos store at York to a coffehouse in London. Fedeux had already constructed a massive catapult "of greate proportione", with its throw arm measuring 425 feet in length. The document was located and fired towards London. It landed about 3 minutes later in a field outside Hackney and a short horse journey brought it to the hands of the king.

The feat was widely celebrated, and Fedeux constructed a network of catapults throughout England. His heirs of the Fedeaux family emigrated to the United States in the 19th century and relocated Fedeaux Pty. to Memphis, where it was renamed FedEx in 1875.


The price of packages and documents is quite easy to calculate. Simply enter the information in the UPS Shipping Calculator [1] and add five dollars to the result. If you are one of those types that just has to account for every cost factor, also add the cost of an additional 3 weeks past time of agreed arrival and priceless - the disappointment on little 7 year old Anna's face when her promised birthday package never arrives.

See Also[edit]

Uncyclopedia Reference Guide to Delivery Service Trashiness
Delivery Company Comparable to...
DHL Marshall Fields
FedEx Nieman-Marcus
UPS Target
U.S. Post Office Wal-Mart