Ferenc Gyurcsány

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Ferenc "Magyar Magic" Gyurcsány (in crazy backward talk Gyurcsány Ferenc; pronounced Furen Gurensan, Ferenz Jorsheni and Ferent's Jewrtsan); King of Hungary, Olympic ice dancing commentator, internationally unknown TV chef and Dub Reggae artist; is a business tycoon, statesman, poet, inspiration to generations yet unborn, and the greatest Hungarian(?) ever.

His is bigger than yours.

Early Life[edit]

Ferenc Gyurcsány was born illegitimately in Stalingrad, USSR in 1961 to Socialist actress Vanessa Redgrave and a very horny old Leon Trotsky. His name at birth was Moishe Timothy Redgrave-Bronstein. His parents split up over a disagreement on proletarian economics. Vanessa was sent by Joseph Stalin to Siberia where she was eaten by a pack of wolves and Richard Simmons. Trotsky shipped his little bastard son to Hungary where he survived the Holocaust and was abducted by the Illuminati. There he was raised in Superman's Fortress of Solitude in Pest megye until he was able to read the works of Karl Marx and L. Ron Hubbard on his own.

Political and Professional Life[edit]

In 1972 Ferenc Gyurcsány joined the German Nazi Party, single-handedly changing it into the Hungarian Young Communist Socialist Workers' League Against the Capitalistic Exploitation of the Proletariat by Corporations and Imperialism (MIKSzMSzKEEPKISzDSzZyzKP for short). He led this group successfully for many years and developed a reputation for being a leather-clad, Harley-riding, hard-drinking, street-fighting brute of a man.

About 3 days later he started working for financial institutions, the stock market, Henry Kissinger and Bon Jovi and earned 874 trillion billion forints (about $3,000 US), making him the richest man in The Hungarian People's Republic. He successfully laundered his earnings with the help of the Church of $cientology. He thus left politics until 2002, when Lord Xenu materialized in human form as Medgyessy Péter and asked him to be in charge of the now defunct Hungarian People's Republic Ice Dancing, Public Safety, Statistics and Condom Use Ministry.

Rise to Power[edit]

Ferenc Gyurcsány has been working closely with the Bush thinktanks Axis of Evil and Al-Qaida for decades.

While his work in the HPRIDPSSCUM was important, it was his activity within his party that would bring him to prominence. Under his guidance, the MIKSzMSzKEEPKISzDSzZyzKP was shortened to the MSZP, or Manboobs Superduper Zebra Party (though sometimes jokingly referred to as the Magyar Szocialista Párt). People got tired of Xenu in Medgyessy form and successfully deposed him, avoiding a 25th Holocaust. Medgyessy Péter was frozen like Han Solo and sent to the Centari Quatra Nebula on a Malév airplane, where he is being held by L. Ron Hubbard and Sammy Davis Jr. Gyurcsány thus became the new King of Hungary and was given his own short-lived cooking show on Lifetime: Television for Women as a Christmas bonus.

Personal Life[edit]

Ferenc Gyurcsány never talks about his religious affiliation, leading many to believe he is a Satanist who eats dead babies. He revealed in an interview with Oprah in 1996 that he is affiliated with the Jews for Jesus movement, which many find even more troubling. After he converted, he used his connections with the Hungarian Communist Party and Hezbollah to finally free Moses and his people from the Land of Egypt. This event, which Ronald Reagan and Big Bird often take credit for, is known as The Fall of the Iron Curtain.

In 1998 he married Whoopi Goldberg, together they have 3 children. Before meeting Whoopi he had been married 12 times and has 29 children from previous marriages.

Trivia[edit]

Elderly women walk hundreds of miles to experience his folk medicine healing powers.
  • Ferenc Gyurcsány was a commentator during the ice dancing competition of the 1994 Lillehammer Winter Olympics, for which he won both a Golden Globe and Espy Award.
  • In 1998 he released his debut album Jah know me from Veszprém which hit Number 1 on all the known music charts in Europe and Africa. The album won 23 Grammy Awards in the Dub Reggae and Gangsta Rap categories alone.
  • He briefly dated Pamela Anderson in 2000, but swears he didn't catch STD's from her.
  • He reportedly enjoys playing strip poker and baking cookies.
  • He is considered a folk medicine by Hungarian women aged 60+, who believe kissing him and fondling his buttocks can cure the unpleasant symptoms associated with menopause.
  • Ferenc Gyurcsány doesn't even exist. He is Bill Gates in incognito, who rules the world from Budapest

Discography[edit]

  • Jah know me from Veszprém (1998)
  • My nose is much bigger than yours! (1998)
  • Gyurcsány Don't Hurt Em (1999)
  • Pimpin Bootypest feat. 50 Cent and 200 Forint (2000)
  • A Ribanc csak szar (2001)
  • Gangsta Feri Gy's Guide to Fuckin Shit Up (2002)
  • Social Democracy's Greatest Big Booty Bass Hits (2003)
  • Fidesz is Hungarian for Playa Hata (2004)
  • Would I Lie to You, Baby? (2005)
  • Maybe, but Not Really and Lying is Ok Sometimes (2006)
  • Elkúrtúk! Nem kicsit nagyon! (more than 15 million listener -- 200000x Golddisc in Hungary!) (2006)
  • Kicked Out of Budapest and Singin' the Blues (2008--projected)