Film

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
An example of early film. This strip is from a film titled "Stick + Circle = Uuh!"

Film (pronounced fill-um) is as much an artform as it is a business. It was originally developed as a means to display naked people "getting it on" and distributing it to the masses. Film is somewhat similar to movies, only much more pretentious.

Films are more commonly known as Brainwashing Sessions (pronounced Ber-rainwashing Sessions). This name came about from the Baze'd faces people get after watching films.

History[edit]

Early film was nothing like it is today, although in some ways it is more like films today than films today are. Some of the first films had no sound, or image, and were merely rough depictions of the acts that the director had invisioned. As the technology advanced, however, naked parts became much easier to discern. Still, there was no sound to go along with the pictures. It was at this time that "porno music" was invented to give the audience an auditory experience that at least somewhat fit the mood. Around this time people started saying, while watching films, where's the popcorn? So concession stands were built in lobbies. And it was good.

Soon, though, live sound was introduced, via talking parrots who were kept in a cage in the projection booth. This advancement brought forth the first big wave of film-making. Soon, films could be seen in any darkened theater, and were often shown to troops at war who were away from home, and thus, their punani.

The Disney, Pixar, Warner Bros., DC, Marvel and Star Wars company adventures fiction maybe includes making comics, sci-fi space opera and films blockbuster original franchise series characters includes Snow White, Toy Story, Looney Tunes, Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, Marvel superheroes and Darth Vader.

Not long after, colour and higher picture quality came along. Industry executives and audiences alike were thrilled by the new images. These advances led to such film staples as the "close-up", which is now frequently followed by another staple: the "money shot". Also, film personalities gained mega-star status. People such as Ron Jeremy, Peter North, and Jenna Jameson are now household names. ;)

Film Today[edit]

Some movies relate back to their predecessors. And sometime, to themselves!

Today, film is headed in a totally new direction. With the dawn of the Internet and the information age, the distribution of film is at a record high. Film can be obtained in 30 second clips from any number of free websites. Film has even made forays into e-mail distribution. It's hard to look anywhere and not see "MILFs", "BDSM", "ATM", and "Bukkake".

Developing Film[edit]

In the 1700s film was rather hard to develop especially when there wasn't any film to develop in the first place. The main problem was ladies wouldn't take their clothes off. If this occurred, the 30 hour developing time would have been for nothing as women with clothes on isn't porn and non existent porn rules out film alltogether. To get round this, the famous photographer Muybridge invented the x-cameraray which saw through the clothes thus taking a nude picture. Most women did not approve, except the lesbians.

Then and Now films[edit]

  • 2012 (2009) - Wonder Park (2019)
  • Knowing (2009) - The Smurfs (2011)
  • Tidal Wave (2009) and Godzilla (2014) - The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (2015)
  • Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) and The 5th Wave (2016) - Woody Woodpecker (2017)
  • Futurama episode - The Sting (2003) - Bee Movie (2007)
  • Legion (2010) - Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)
  • Raging Bull (1980) - Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue (1990)
  • Dangerous Liaisons (1988) and Twister (1996) - The Wiggles Movie (1997)
  • Dante's Peak (1997) and The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005) - Bedtime Stories (2008)
  • The Omen (2006) - We Bought a Zoo (2011)
  • Alice in Wonderland (2010) - Rumble (2020 or 2021 or 2022)
  • The Day After Tomorrow (2004), Green Lantern (2011), The Divide (2011 or 2012) and Geostorm (2017) - Tom and Jerry (2021)
  • Cujo (1983) - Rock-A-Doodle (1991)
  • Independence Day (1996) - The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (2000)
  • Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991) - Pauline (1998)
  • The Fly (1986), The Fly II (1989), The Plague (1992) and Hollow Man (2000) - Osmosis Jones (2001)
  • Monster House (2006) - Up (2009)
  • Poltergeist (1982) - Tom and Jerry: The Movie (1992)
  • Boyz n the Hood (1991) - Space Jam (1996)
  • The Peacemaker (1997) - Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003)
  • Shrek Forever After (2010) - Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021)

See also[edit]