Fine Young Cannibals

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“She drives me crazy!”

The Fine Young Cannibals consisted of 3 African American high school girls from California. Founder and head of this elite clique was Oprah Winfrey's 8th daughter, Kevin. Kevin invited her friends Pedro and Quing-Jao to join her in an effort to be the sexiest teenage cannibals in the nation.

Kevin was introduced to cannibalism at an early age by her mother and her first reported human flesh eating experience was at age 2 when her mother fed her the left foot of Oprah 2, a clone originally developed to assist Oprah in taking over the world. When it was discovered that Oprah 2 was missing some fundamental characteristics such as a huge ass and a feeling of self importance, she was chained to a pole in Oprah's mansion and beaten for fun. During one particular beating occasion, Oprah 2's left foot was removed from her body. Oprah instructed her maid Juan-Sophie to poach said foot and feed it to Kevin.

While Kevin and her friends were never fine in the true sense of the word - that's attractive for all you imbeciles - they were indeed young cannibals. There has been much speculation as to why 'Fine' was included in the name but the recognised explanation is that this was because Oprah would record herself saying certain things and have it played for Kevin when she was off attempting to dominate the world and taking vacations to places such as Greenland, Sudan and Hell. One of the phrases that Oprah had recorded was 'Wow girl, you are fine!'. Because of this, Kevin grew up thinking she was the most beautiful girl in the known universe, something which is widely regarded as a joke among cannibal circles.

The Fine Young Cannibals' most talked about 'eat' was that of actor Russell Crowe. This was conducted on live television and was accompanied by a telethon in an effort to raise money for victims suffering after hearing Russell perform his song 'Ba Ba Black Sheep' that used an Eminem ringtone as the backing music. So many people were affected by this due to the world wide public address system that Russell had installed across the planet. Russell was also prone to switching it on prior to engaging in sexual relations with his pet monkey. The telethon raised hundreds of dollars as millions across the world chose to instead watch the public stoning of Fred Durst which was shown on every free to air network across the world.

The Fine Young Cannibals disbanded in 2004 when Kevin finally admitted that she was in fact white and that her father was in fact Adolf Hitler. Kevin found that her popularity increased by such a large amount that she was getting bigger audiences for her shows than she was when with the Fine Young Cannibals.

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