Finger family

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~"Brother finger brother finger where are you? Here I am, here I am, and I'll fuck you!"~ typical finger family cartoon on WankTube Kids

~"I just wanted my 3-year old dick-of-a-son to get outta my hair, so I handed him a digital thingy I bought with tax return cash, armed with internet access, fidget spinners, and YouTube Kids. But then Dick was crying because three canine fire-fighters died in a car crash that went on fire. The song playing in the background was about fingers and illegal chocolate eggs."~ typical millennial parent who voluntarily forces her under-developed wimp to be petrified by the evil and cruel big world out there - on the internet.

Finger Family (a.k.a. Daddy Finger, Brother Finger or more hilariously, Fuck My Finger) is the latest and greatest new nursery rhyme made for little wankers to stare at. It is an incredibly effective mind control corporatist strategy to ensure that your channels earn billions, trillions or gazillions of views from tech-addicted toddler wankers worldwide who flap their hands on a screen to smiley faced digits...

The History of Father Finger[edit]

Legend has it that the earliest known Finger Family broke virtual wind on May 25, 2007 on Jeju Island, South Korea.

This family's name was known in police records as The Blufords, or nicknamed The Mccampbell Thumbs (or simply The Mccampbells) by the Jeju locals. The Mccampbells escaped to Korea from San Francisco after they were charged with advertising Kinder Eggs to children, since Kinder Eggs posed a choking hazard. They lived on this island in the Sea of Japan from March 11, 2001 to May 30, 2018 (according to airport departure records).

The Jeju locals feared the Mccampbells, especially single mothers, educational therapists and pediatricians, as the family often hacked local TV stations and aired reruns of The Trippy Show and The Barney Bunch Show (in its original, uncut, uncensored glory). They also manufacture children's junk foods adorned with cartoon characters from The Finders Cult and created Peanuts-style comic strips and cheap 3D models to adverise every junky foodstuff they made, from potato curls to macaroni TV dinners drowned in Parmesan tomato sauce with 82 grams of fat and 1,100 grams of sodium.

The Mccampbells celebrated Baby Finger's second birthday on May 25, 2007 by creating a YouTube account and uploading a video of themselves singing a song they've reinvented called "Finger Family", since the Happy Birthday song was overrated.

The family eventually got busted by a Chinese law enforcement team for aiding in the worldwide ElsaGate trafficking business, and was forced to relocate to a prison in Venezuela to be closely monitored by government officials 24/7. They also had their digital devices confiscated so they couldn't get into more contact with Russian pedophiles that assisted them.

The Revival of Finger Family[edit]

Even though the Mccampbells lost their job, millions of pedophiles, robotic accounts and Russian hackers generate brand new finger family clone videos to this day.

Variations[edit]

  • Classic Finger Family
  • Brother Finger/Middle Finger
  • Fuck My Finger
  • Barney Finger Family
  • Erotic Finger Family
  • Trump Riding a Gorilla Finger Family
  • Deadpool Mickey with Guns Finger Family
  • Elsa in GTA 5 Finger Family
  • Phallic Finger Family
  • Chinese Whorehouse Finger Family
  • Drawn Together Finger Family
  • Squidbillies Children's Menu Finger Family
  • Exploding Kinder Eggs Finger Family
  • Chris Chan Finger Family
  • Bleach Filled SURPRISE EGGS Finger Family
  • Tasering Dead Rats FINGER FAMILY 24 HOURS!