Finnish creationism

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Approved by Kansas Board of Education
Approved by the Kansas State Board of Education
This page meets all criteria and requirements for use as teaching material within the State of Kansas public school system. It consists of facts, not of theories, and students are encouraged to believe it uncritically, and to approach alternatives critically.

Finnish creationism is the theory truth that the world and everyone inhabiting it was created by alien finnish scientists. This theory truth has been scientifically proven by philosopher Dr. Matti "HUU-HAA" Leisola from the University of Finland's Technical Clowncollege. This article will outline the theory truth in its entirety.

Finnish scientist Laaaurria Aaaaasolaaasola is the original creator of the earth and the only man in the world with only silent consonants in his first name. Using duct-tape and a magic spork, he crafted the world.

After the 'ölömöläytys', or 'creation' in his native language, he then created the 'shit happens' bumper sticker for his Frod Executioner, the greatest SUV of all time. Note: Frod is the finnish SUV maker, the precursor to today's 'Ford'.

After the creation of the bumper sticker, he then created the other scientists which then shaped the remainder of the world. Their names were Mike, Bob, Stevie Wonder and Boy George and contrary to popular belief, the latter 2 are prehistoric. This point makes the theory truth hard to believe in essence, but as proven and said, it is the truth. The creators did exist and they did create the globe that humans now inhabit. It says so in the Finnish Bible.

The Creation[edit]

After Laaaurria Aaaaasolaaasola created his fellow scientists, they began to create the earth. First was the creation of God, who would be a place-holder for the scientists to take all the blame from the inhabitants. After God came cheese, baklava and the Germans. With that, they then made people and everything else, in a mere 15 minutes.

Along the way, however, the Finnish created the British, a race of insignificant humans. In the British struggle to create a perfect human, they messed up numerous times and thus created Michael Jackson and America. Later, America would go on to defeat the British in a game of StarCraft ladder and in a 1 vs 1 in Counter-Strike.

After having finished their job, the scientists retreated to a canyon and began to create the ultimate human, who is to some known as Jesus, but to most he is known as Saddam Hussein.

Saddam Hussein and the 2nd Coming of Jesus[edit]

With the perfect human created and captured during Operation: Iraqi Freedom, the 2nd coming in Finnish Creationism is near.

In 2069, the apocalypse is expected to happen, but also contrary to popular belief, it will be more of an ice-cream social in terms of the events that take place. Punch will be served, Hitler will be resurrected and all monkeys will make tea for the believers. George W. Bush will be crowned the Over-Under-Left-Right Secretary of Monkeys and all will be happy.