Flash Master

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A Flash Master is an obsessed anti-social nerd who works in Adobe Flash and nothing else. Since 1997, Flash Masters have gained supernatural powers to convert reality into condensed vector files that move around the screen of a computer.

Some of the greatest Flash Masters post their files on Newgrounds. So, of course, if you post a file on Newgrounds, you'll be the greatest Flash Master ever. Trust me, it's all you have to do. Really.

So, how does one become said Flash Master?[edit]

One becomes a Flash Master simply by pirating Adobe Flash, and then frantically traveling to discussion boards across the Internet frantically looking for someone who can make them a preloader. They then proceed to purchase a broken five-cent microphone from the nearest Radio Shack, which they then use by swallowing it whole and yelling at the top of their lungs.

Most prospective Flash Masters become discouraged upon learning that they've already used up a great deal of their free-time (about five minutes so far). However, an obsessed few will go on to become Flash Masters.

The average day for a Flash Master consists of making little images move around a little computer screen until the eyes and the screen literally become one, then using the nearest long object to pry their head from the screen so that they can go to sleep.

All Flash Masters aspire to one day become as well-known as the great Legendary Frog and Chris Boe. The great Legendary Frog aspires to one day be forgotten about. The great Chris Boe aspires to one day be Batman.

Oh, no! Are there any remedies?[edit]

There is one, and only one, cure for the disease of being a Flash Master. That cure is the discovery of the profits of web design.

One of many facts that Flash Masters choose to ignore is: in about six years, there will be no software available anywhere for anyone to view the work they just spent months of their lives on.

See also[edit]