Flood

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“Things got a bit wet”

~ Moses on The Flood

“I think i wet the bed”

~ Ralph Wiggum on flooding Springfield

“GAAAH!!!!!!onehundredandelevendecimalone!!!1111 FLUDZ!”

~ A Halo Nerd on The Flood

“It's a brand new record, for 1990, They Might Be Giants Brand new album... Flood!!!”

The sinners are drowned.
Bouncywikilogo2.gif
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Flood.

A flood is very similar to a drought (and not to be confused with food), but with more water. Hence, floods are often associated with water or milk. Floods have been the subject of unholy superstition, but creation scientists have developed Scientific Theories that fully explain these phenomena scientifically. And did I mention that creation scientist's theories were scientific?

Causes[edit]

Throughout history, floods have had numerous causes. You may be flooded when:

  • The Flying Spaghetti Monster is not happy with you because you have been eating too much/not enough pasta. Using his noodly appendage, he drowns anyone who is not wearing pirate regalia.
  • You have believed one of the many myths about floods. God will proceed to drown you for your materialism and lack of faith.
  • You belong to a religion. The God from the other religion will proceed to drown you for your heresy.
  • You do not belong to a religion. God hates evil atheists. In fact ALL the different gods will temporarily sink their differences in hating atheists. Everyone hates atheists. Die.
  • You stupidly place yourself into an existing body of water. This is technically not a flood, but the technicality is usually lost on stupid people.
  • You buy a house which is BELOW the level of a nearby river (Hint: "Riveride Cottage" ; "Watermeadow View" ; "Floodplain Villas").
  • You wander around on a giant ring world accidentally release a flood of parasites and end up as some zombie-thing.

Chuck Norris[edit]

Is there a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them. hey do you have a phone number couse i have lost mine. if one leg was christmas and the other thanxgiving can i visit you in the holidays The Result of Chuck Norris surfing or just playing in the tub.

==[edit]

  • Many people once believed that some floods are caused by rain (including rain that come from hurricanes and other major God-created monsters). This ridiculous superstition has long been refuted by creation scientists and other Faithful People, such as Pat Robertson. Rain has long been proven to fall intelligently and would not cause a flood, since rain-caused floods can kill both sinners and believers.
  • Another common myth is that the melting of snow and glaciers can cause flooding. As any intelligent person can see, this can have no validity. There has been flooding in tropical areas. How can this be? I offer $250,000 to anyone who can ameliorate this fatal flaw in this ridiculous hypothesis.
  • A fat kid who ate way too many donuts and blew chunks.
  • A river overflowing out of its banks may lead some to believe that floods only happen above sea level, that floods can only move up hill, but Hurricane Katrina has shown that even land below sea level can flood.
  • Milk from a variety of sources has also caused countless floods throughout history.

Where often found[edit]

Floods are often found where they are least expected to be, such as around homes. Floods are not found where there is no one to find them. Some often flooded areas include:

  • Beaches
  • Bathtubs
  • Living rooms
  • Call centres
  • Sinking ships
  • BALLS of the blue sort
  • Geographically Challenged Cities
  • New Orleans
  • Mountains
  • All Halos (Instead of water, Zombies)
  • High School Gyms
  • High School Jims
  • The flood itself

See also[edit]

242 Day.jpg Divine Retribution
Smite | Damnation | Flagellation | Flood | Death of Your First Born | Frogs | Pestilence
Fire and Brimstone | Famine | Cancer | Papercuts of Doom | Damaged goods | Reaganomics
Spontaneous Combustion | Decapitation Disease | Brainsplurge | Marriage | Melenoma | Pedicornwallification