Folk

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Folk is a four letter word that has a multitude of meanings. If you are of a Gaelic persuasion it means "people" it is also a kind of music played by hitting old people (old folk) repeatedly and danced to by squares.

“Folk singing is not a crime! I come from the proud colony of Long Island where I fight crime using the awesome power that is FOLK MUSIC ! ! !”

~ Mr. Murgola on Folk Music

Folk Music[edit]

Weapon of choice for folk music in the Andes, guitars made out of armadillos

This ancient and mystical crime is usually perpetrated by people from the countyside. The basic idea is to round up every person over 65 years of age and beat them mercilessly using stringed instruments. The old people are referred to as the "folks" and the the music is made in the frenzied onslaught of wooden instruments. Favoured instruments are banjos, guitars, violins, etc. Normally special clothing is worn, exactly what this is varies from region to region although it normally involves colourful and tasteless clothing.

Modern Folk Music[edit]

"I'm in here!!" Regina Spektor on herself

The quality of Folk music has gradually being getting better after an american revivial which started with artists such as Bob Dylan but now includes artists such as Regina Spektor.

One popular folk bands is Show of Hands which is made up of Steve whatsisname and Phil 'with' Beer. Famous songs from them include 'Roots (are showing)' and 'fucking polititians'

Folk Dancing[edit]

Just before the slaughter

Folk dancing is the traditional form of entertainment held during the ritual sacrifice of the folks. People of all ages gather wearing their silly costumes and dance in an organised and often very complicated way. Seen as a local event of some importance the folk festivals are well attended and provide an important cultural identity for many peoples around the world. Some folk dances are performed to attract the attention of God or gods to do things such as make it rain, stop the plague of locusts or provide the local people with food.

The Old Folks Home[edit]

A highly skilled nurse helping an old folker

If the old folks stubbornly refuse to die are lucky enough to survive to a ripe old age, they may be sent to an old folks home if their children hate love them enough to ensure their inadequate care. In old folks homes nurses slowly kill care for the old folks attending to their every need by stealing all their possessions. The nurses are unskilled and uncaring people who take care of the day to day tasks the old folk are too useless debilitated to do for themselves. In these days of evil witchdoctoring advanced medical care people are living longer increasing the ratio of old folk to younger people. This is a real problem as pensions and savings are now not covering the increased cost of dying slowly and painfully over many years old age.

Folk You[edit]

This Irish insult is quite rude. If an Irish person says it to you be prepared for a fight, or more likely a bomb in your car. The one failsafe way to avoid an altercation is to offer the Gaelic an alcoholic drink of his choice.

That's all Folks[edit]

Elmer Fudd, hero, about to do old folks everywhere a favour

At the end of many Disney animations containing the homicidal rabbit Bugs Bunny the cartoon maniac is heard to mutter "That's all Folks!". This is an indication of his intent to kill all humans in revenge for the hunting and murder of his family by the famous huntsman Elmer Fudd. Police are trying to link 376 murders to Bugs Bunny and one count of drunk driving.

Folk Tard[edit]

The above article was written by a 'Folk Tard' as many people may know, Bugs Bunny was invented by the Democratic Republic of Warner Brothers. Not The Peoples Republic Of Disney

See Also[edit]

Welsh Love-Fork