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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Alien.

Foreigners are defined by Satan as anybody who's not American.

--America IS the only country in existence.


Foreigners, while bringing such things as The Bubonic Plague, Hitler, Poop and Runescape, have also made many great contributions to America. Among these are Halo, Donkey Kong and SARS.

…Thanks a lot, foreigners.


Many say foreigners are responsible for God, the smite button and Proboscis Monkeys, but this is simply not true.

Originally, the notion that foreigners were responsible for WWII was considered to be a myth, but this has been disproven recently due to an official statement from the U.S. Government:

“Turns out Hitler was non-American, so, uhhh...I guess foreigners were really responsible for World War II...”

~ Agent X on WWII
Drugs are bad for you; they make you say stupid things.

“Tell them the other thing! Don't forget about the other thing!”

~ A black-clad man off to the side on Agent X

“Oh, right, and uh...they were also responsible for the revealing of Valerie Plame's identity...not Libby, or Cheney...”

~ Agent X on Valerie Plame

Once, Tamia said that foreigners were responsible for the creation of pop music, but she was on shrooms at the time. A federal commission to investigate the matter came up with the answer that no one person is evil enough to create pop music, with the exception of Tamia.


A rare foreigner with Asianitis. Note the creased mouth lines and plastic appearance.

All foreigners have wild 70's hair, an abnormally large nose, and a microphone in their basement somewhere.

All foreigners look exactly the same. This makes it especially hard to tell the difference between a man and a woman. Some foreigners develop a rare disease known as Asianitis, but this is considered to be rare.

While some make the claim that there are other variations of appearance in foreigners, such as Europitis and Mexicanitis, none have ever been observed by any source with authority, and most believe the people making these claims were doing shrooms at the time of said argument. The general appearance of foreigners consists of an obligitary Hendrix perm and a grotesquely enlarged nose. It is also worthy to note that most foreigners make a point of carrying microphones around with them, again probably due to heavy shroom usage.

Asianitis has the unusual ability to make its victims into string puppets, and many are usually infested by cockroaches.


Many say that foreigners will bring about the Apocalypse, but this has been rebuked several times by undisputed authorities.

“If they even so much as touch the little red button, I'll totally ban them.”

~ God on Foreigners

“No, man, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is gonna destroy the world.”

~ Random Satanist on A Large Tortoise


~ A Proboscis Monkey on Crack

“I wanna know what love is! I want you to show me!”

~ Foreigner on marrying an American so they can apply for citizenship earlier