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“Fosters: Australian for 'tourist'.”

~ Winston Churchill on Fosters

Fosters, popularly known throughout the world as "Australian for Budweiser", is a beer that is one of Australia's major exports. This is largely because no one in Australia wants to drink it. This is because of the fact that Fosters is a chemical agent used to gas thousands of soldiers during World War One

Popular alternatives are available in Australia to emulate the catastrophic result of drinking Fosters. XXXX, or "Four-X", is vile, sweet-tasting beer-like fluid from Queensland that carries the added bonus of never having to learn how to spell beer.

Another is VB, a unique blend of feline menstrual liquid and grass clipping. Do not be fooled, good reader, into thinking that this wet substance counts as a beverage. Rather, be skeptical and employ your choice of weapon on your assailant.

Care must be taken not to be discouraged from drinking Australian beer all together. Many a youth have fallen victim to drinking beverages previously black-listed by animal rights activists, the United Nations and Frank Zappa. Such deviant, darstadly and deceptive drinks commonly appear under the alias of Bacardi Breezer, Vodka Cruiser, Smirnoff Ice or other various imported beverages. If consumption occurs, please induce vomiting. For best results, catch espousing liquid in a bucket for possible recycling as Fosters.

Instead, drink Coopers, Cascade, Little Creatures, Squire's, Carlton Draught, West-End, Boggs or Boags.

Also, one of the most Popular Advertising Slogans in America is "Fosters.....Australian for Beer", Thus Proving the popular Australian Saying "American.....Australian For Wanker"

Practical uses[edit]

  • Issued to English cricket fans as missiles during cricket test matches
  • Used in the form of Molotov Fosters by insurgent Canterbury Bulldog fans against rival NSW teams
  • Deployed by police to dissolve (or sometimes incite) rioting
  • Burnt during seounces to ward off the dead and Indonesians
  • Replaced Mustard Gas as an effective chemical warfare gas during world war one
  • Substitute for real beer (not advised)