“Why you little! I'll teach you to laugh at somthing funny!”
What is a Frame Bomb?
Frame Bombs are simple but mysterious constructions with the ability to explode and be rebuilt. The concept is considered a hobby, an art, or a building technique, but they are first and foremost weapons, although they can be used as a mining tool in model railroad dioramas. Frame bombs are made out of Popsicle sticks or similar materials. Professional frame bombers say that there is a simple test to determine if something is capable of producing a frame bomb: If the material is what is technically known as "Popsicle Stick Shaped," there is a good chance of success.
If you are an adult, please ignore everything under this heading and skip to the next heading, as you will not consider any of the following "practical uses."
If you are a kid, the practical uses of frame bombs are endless. The most useful and desirable of these uses is that of annoying people by throwing frame bombs at people, thus hurting the person, embarrassing them, and causing them to have to pick up lots of Popsicle sticks. Also, if you can build frame bombs at impressively high speed, this will bring tons of female attention in an amount roughly equal to that bestowed upon celebrities, Grue hunters, or men with mutton chops. Building frame bombs also increases dexterity and lame stuff like that, but so many people care about this point that it is almost never considered.
Frame bombs are tensegritous devices (meaning they hold themselves together, thus creating a paradox). Because they are under so much causality-based stress, they will come apart with extreme force when concussed. The way frame bombs work has often been compared to the way a cartoon animal will hold itself up by its own tail. Only certain arrangements of sticks will produce frame bombs, but the number of possible frame bomb configurations has been estimated at infinity. The possible number of configurations has, due to the nature of infinity, been placed at infinity as well. Frame bombs can also be of infinite size, as current quantum theory points to an infinite number of universes and thus an infinite number of Popsicle sticks. It has been suggested in California that unlimited frame bombing, Popsicle sticks, and body piercings be allowed at public schools because these things can teach students much about physics, kinesthetics, sociology, and mild pain, in keeping with the missions of schools from every culture.
"Frame" comes from Viking fram"to be benificial," while the word "bomb" comes from Greek βόμβος (bombos), meaning "to destroy violently." The French also had a word, bombe, (lit: unpleasant) to describe soup.
How to Build One
1. Lay a stick vertically
2. Lay a stick at a 45-degree angle to the right on top of step one’s stick.
3. Lay a stick in an opposite angle to the left on top of the right stick.
4. Weave a stick over the left angle, under the vertical stick, and over the angle to the right. This stick should be about halfway down the vertical.
5. Do the opposite of step four by weaving under the left, over the middle, and under the right.
Note: The default state of a frame bomb is exploding. If a bomb you are making explodes in your face, consider it a learning experience and keep trying until on or all of the following conditions are met: a) You succeed b) You run out of Popsicles c) Your face begins to bleed seriously d) You can see the bones of your fingers
Little history is known about frame bombs, so naturally their original invention was attributed to the Chinese, who first built them out of bat poop dried into strips while searching for a way to become immortal. Unfortunately, the entire research group died within three years due to old age, rabies, a newly discovered species of vampire bat, and guano toxicity. Modern American scientists have come up with frame bombs that operate merely on quantum physics. Recently, frame bombs have been in the news because a California local school banned frame bombs on accusations that they encouraged kids to believe in magic, evolution, and other Harry Potter concepts.