Francis Bacon, 1st Viscount St Alban

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he's cheap but real

Sir Francis Bacon was a shady yet respected evil psychopath in English history, he would usually gain wealth by writing essays about English stuff, look he's as unknown as the film director Roger Corman.


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alright, he used to lock himself up in a cupboard everyday and read books about crime, "I hate this guy" said his classmate but he never went to school, so it didn't bother him, Bacon often made jumbles of letters and numbers which he called an essay, here's an example of one of them:


~ Francis Bacon on nothing

you probably don't want to read anymore now, but let's continue anyway, he then soon became a very famous "philosopher" even though knowing barely any shit about knowing a lot of philosophy, he then accidentally made "inventions" and was very stupid he kept trying to kill the queen and sometimes sat down to have a chat with his friends who were either imaginary or batshit crazy because they wanna be friends with this guy, he often wandered around making words up and essays that make no sense, everyone was confused, what the hell is this guy doin', he's worse than Homer, he is unwanted by the queen and is very stubborn, he is a complete idiot, can you understand, this guy continued to kill, rape, cake kill and commit animal cruelty until he was dead, this guy was honestly a very shady businessman, he built a time machine and became good friends with Benjamin Franklin, who often insulted his lack of American words, though the undeniable freedom of Francis Bacon as he was a very mysterious guy, this businessman was very stupid and tried to take over the world with a group of philosophers, seriously, this guy is sick and uncool, H.P. Lovecraft even insulted this guy saying his essays are nothing but poppycock numbers scratching the surface of an overtied butt, he was cartoonish and creepy and the worst person you could ever meet.


he then died from trying to freeze a chicken.


he committed Cake killing and rape along with many other crimes.


he took his business very seriously as he was trying to take over the world.

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Philosophical Badasses

Aristotle | Thomas Aquinas | Yogi Berra | Confucius | Joseph Ducreux | Ken Foree | Benjamin Franklin | Francis Bacon, 1st Viscount St Alban | Thomas Hobbes | Idiocrates | Samuel L. Jackson | John Locke | Mr. Miyagi | Plato | Ayn Rand | Socrates | Voltaire | Oscar Wilde | Yoda | Thomas Paine