Franklin Roosevelt

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Might you be looking for Franklin D. Roosevelt? If YOU don't know the difference, don't ask US!

“I've always had a fancy for them' motorcoaches”

~ Oscar Wilde on FDR

“Relax Franklin...just go for a walk through the park...DAMN!”

~ Franklin Roosevelt on accepting polio

“You'll all be thanking me for social security! Oh, Snap... I'm dead...”

~ FDR on Learning of his Death
Franklin Roosevelt was actually an African American as you can see from this color photo, he hid his ethnicity though camera tricks, this and polio (which crippled his black ass) were his biggest secrets.

Franklin "Theodore" Roosevelt (born:Robber Baron Era - died:Firebomb the Japs Era) was the 32nd president and number one clown face of the United Spades of America and the bass player/part time singer for ZZ Top. Born Arthur Linkletter in Cambridge, Massachusetts, "Delano" (as he was nicknamed for reasons too obscene to be explained here) developed a love of the motorcoach. While driving it to his Aunt Bertha's house, the young future president flipped his wheels and caught whooping cough before hitting the ground. He was killed instantly, making him the first president to die before being elected. However, he would be confined to a wheelchair for the remainder of his life, and would even be buried in it.

1943: Chiang Kai-Shek, Roosevelt, and Winston Churchill cover up their erections while studying a Betty Grable pin-up poster

Resurrection and Aftermath[edit]

Upon his election as Governor of New York, Roosevelt is rumored to have said, "Betty, if I knew where I had it last, it wouldn't be lost! Please help me find it!" It is not known to what he was referring.

In the election of 1932, Roosevelt was literally elected in a landslide when his brother and former room mate Teddy Roosevelt, his only opponent, was crushed to death by cascading rocks. He was elected four more times on his own, and once later as "Richard Nixon," an anagram of "Orchard Inn IX", his favorite slasher flick.

The romance of FDR has become a captivating story portrayed in biographies and numerous A&E specials. Faced with depression-hit America during the mid-30's, the President was faced with a need to pacify the growing anxiety amongst the populous. While the creation of labor groups and employment agencies were recommended, Roosevelt took an unexpected, completely irrational approach and left his wife of 24 years, saying in a famous defense, "There is nothing to fear except commitment... and spiders... and the dark." The words, albeit nonsensical, stuck with the public, later the motto amongst dead-beat dads everywhere.

"Real Men Fear Commitment" became one of the great slogans in the world. A solution to the current economic situation, responsibility the sick and elderly, and currently employed by the Moderate Republicans as a solution to illegal immigration. One example being when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor in 1941, Roosevelt took bold action and reissued his infamous "commitment" speech, thus effectively sealing the fate of Western Europe and, unbeknownst at the time, the Jews.

File:Roosevelt\'s band.jpg
Frankie D & the Roosevelt Experience goes on tour throughout Europe.


"Huh?! What do you mean I've just given Stalin Eastern Europe?!" - Franklin Roosevelt, last words before he shot himself to death (which probably the way).

"Ow!" -cheetos his motorcoach.

"I'm not quite sure if it self lubricates."

"I'll show it to you, but you have to promise me you'll give me my hat back." -To Harry Truman

"I'd say Raiders of the Lost Ark, with Last Crusade a close second. No one likes the Temple of Doom." - To President Harrison Ford

"Franklin Roosevelt still stands!" - Soon after, he fell down again, which shows that even FDR can go wrong.

"If I have polio, how do I take a piss?" - FDR, Upon getting polio

"Truman? Truman? Who the hell's Truman?" -FDR, 1943


Roosevelt would have made a comeback in a terribly underrated series known as Star Fox:Command the Abridged, where the motto is "taking a shitty game,making it even shittier". His role in that series is no more significant than his role in real life. Roosvelt has an unbelievably high self-esteem, calling himself the greatest president ever, better than John F. Kennedy. By the time the series is done,he may or may not make an appearance in Brawlarious, another underrated series. If he does show up,then his worst/best friend in that dimension would be George Washington.

See also[edit]