Fred Goodwin

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Fred doing a Bill Gates.
Fred doing a Robert De Niro.
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Fred Goodwin.

“I could have lost the RBOS 6 billion, but I would have done it for free”

~ Oscar Wilde on on RBOS

“And I'm keeping every penny”

~ Sir Fred Goodwin on on his pension

Fred Goodwin (born Fred Badwin) is a well known confidence trickster, impressionist and former leader of the Royal Bank of Scotland. He recently became famous for having a really big pension despite his incompetence. As a result of this 70% of the bank now belongs to the British tax payers, what a shame that it's worthless.

When the bank was going well everybody was happy, including the government, but then the bank got too ambitious and silly and now everyones annoyed including RBOS employees.

The biggest reason for the loss is that Sir Fred bought a Dutch bank, which turned out to be ticking time bomb of bad debt. It's since been suggested that RBOS didn't do enough research into the bank before they bought it, perhaps because Fred can't speak Dutch.

Some people want Sir Fred arrested and tried in court, others want him hanged. Unfortunately neither is likely since he hasn't really done anything wrong in the legal sense, just been a national douche.

Fred is friends with the Queen, hence the knight hood. The Daily Mail campaign to remove him of his knighthood has not been taken seriously by many.

Vandalism of property[edit]

Fred confirms that he was not in his house when it was vandalised on the 25th of May. He confirms he was infact in Dubai having more fun than the majority of the starving unemployed British population.

Fred confirms to return to Britain one day to become a tv personality in the light of Piers Morgan. Until then he plans to steal from Jade Goody's children.


After 20 years, sir Fred goodwin decided that enough was enough. He hired some surviving workers from India (who were so poor that they were not affected by the credit crunch) to clean up the bodies of the angry people who, over the years, had made hunger strikes over his pension. He then went out and used some of his spare change to buy finland.

Fred (50) plans to live a further 50 years at the expense of the British taxpayer, he would also receive a telegram from his friend the Queen.

When Fred dies he will be going to hell. Yadda.