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For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Freemasonry.

Ah...Well I suppose I could be persuaded to join if you show a little more leg my fruity

~ Oscar Wilde on the Masons

Freemasonry is the name of a satanic secret society that rules the world. We will explore together this disgusting, unethical, pirate society which has lodges all over the world. Notably most Police Stations and government offices usually set aside room for the movement. Notably most Police Stations and government offices usually set aside room for the movement.


The history of freemasonry goes back to Solomon, king of Israel, or maybe to ancient Egypt. Even master Platon said there were freemason lodges in Atlantis. But Platoon was a man-lover so we shouldn't trust him so much.

Jackal pharaoh was using slaves like donkeys.

In ancient Egypt kings were laying on their beds and slaves were working like donkeys and forming pyramids. And also there was a community of Jews between those two classes. These Jews were not slaves at all but some educated people from lower classes.

Pharaoh, with his great highness, was making these men to draw and design pyramids, sphinx, or lion mutant-like forms; but then when job is finished he would say "I did this all myself!".

These design masters were specialists of brick arranging. As time passed, arrangers developed further; and first arranging lodges had come into existence. Those arrangers can be considered as a primitive form of freemasonry.

Run Hiram, your mother is sleeping with...[edit]

Some researchers ignored the lodge works of arrangers of ancient Egypt and started Masonic history from Hiram Abif.

Hiram Abif's Little Emrah syndrome.

It can be thought that kind of historical methodology is closer to reality.

In Bible it is said that Solomon, the king of Israel, had managed Hiram to make his temple. Solomon also gives spirits as fellow craft.

Hiram's life was full of tragedy as he was son of a widow. If you don't know what is to be son of widow you can ask Little Emrah of Turkey.

Anyway, Hiram, because of this tragedy, focuses on his best doing job of arranging and forming groups. Meanwhile, because of he was making the temple with spirits, his gains very secret knowledge of universe. Hiram now, had the very secret knowledge and the surroundings were aware of it. One day, the fellows of Hiram says "give us the knowledge you stupid old master" and Hiram answers as a unique behaviour of old men "no, I will not give". After all, fellows kill Hiram.

Renaissance and Reborn[edit]

For many years freemasonry had been forgotten but they then shined to middle age darkness like a sun. In that time, members were generally from bourgeoisies and some aristocrats. They had some weird rules. For example, they were assigning random passwords in order to enter the lodge.

Brother Baphomit.

The entrance doors were locked three times and then they say "I am the sun at sky, I am donkey, and you go and fly". If sentiment wouldn't still open the door, they would kick the door and then it is opened.

Mason club was the freest environment of that time. Disbelief of god was free for example.

As time passes, the society of demon were developing further and further and expanding in Europe.

Meanwhile, templar knights started to mastering the bankery and made French king angry. King became one with Papacy and they found a demon-devil-witch baphomet in a box. Baphomet was skull of a goat. They knew what it was they found but they asked Jacques de Molay anyway:

- What is this?

Molay answered silently:

- It is your mother's vagi...

Pope was so angry and announced him as a disbeliever and ordered him to be burned.

When templar’s were closed the knights joined the freemasonry. They gave all ranks and degrees to freemasons and put them to widow's pouch.

-Look Robespierre you are not going in proper way. I am not responsible to be happening. -Go away.

French and American Revolutions[edit]

Freemasons has showed themselves first in American then in French revolution. In both they were playing leading roles. Many heads they cut. The guillotinism had been the illuminist. All shedding blood sacrificed to brother Baphomet.

They suppressed Vatican with secularism and took the revenge of Molay.

They laid foundation of Romanic World Order with these two revolutions.

Don't do brother Robespierre, All we brothers of same religion[edit]

There are two names come in to the mind when Masonic revolution is considered. One of them is George Washington DC, who was never brushing his teeth, so that he never opened his mouth in his self portraits. And the second one is the jerky man of Robespierre.

Robespierre was an ambitious man. He was the hero of guillotine period of French revolution. He was master of radicalism. You say to Robespierre "don" he would say "donkeydonkeydon". That kind of man he was.

Masonic evil eye protector.
Masonic bank.
They invited to club and undressed me. I feel like a moron.
I have haemorrhoids...
Only Polat Alemdar tasted of it.

Robespierre became members of brick arrangers in a young age and passed the degrees shuffle speed. He was a real psycho. He had said "as we had changed the state and social order, we could now change the god of Christianity with goddess of mind". (Now this goddess of mind holding a flame in New York Bay.)

Robespierre was sending everybody to guillotine. Baphomet was still hungry and he was trying to make him fed. Lastly when he tried to bring "mind goddess" other brothers were scaring of him because Robespierre might send them also to guillotine.

Later, they arranged an assassination to him and while not yet died, they sent him to the guillotine.

Freemasonry Spreading to Orient[edit]

Spreading freemasonry to orient was parallel with events of French and American Revolution. When it spread capitalism and nationalist humanism also spread. World was little by little going secular and freemasons were the reason before it.

Freemasonry naturally came to Ottoman Empire too. The society of Order and Progress members were generally freemason or had freemasonic roots. Now freemasonry was no more arranging brick, but "take a gun, form a gang and make revolution" society.

Anyone reading Robespierre, Kant, Jeanne Jacques Rousseau was trying to make revolution. It was full of shit.

Young pashas were taking their revolvers and like a bully they were attacking to palaces and staging coups, but two days after they were being knocked over...

But Americans loved the orient and adored the fez'es of Ottomans wearing. They formed Shriner Freemasonry only to wear fez'es in United States.

Philosophy of Freemasonry and Some Symbols[edit]

The main lines of masonic philosophy are known but there is no source accepted by every lodge. Thought is flowing traditional, oral, anal and visual ways. The essential one is the symbols. You are free to concoct while interpreting these symbols.

Freemasonry doesn't care religion at all but pretends to care. A secular world view is dominant. They have their own terminology and with stupid passwords they communicate.

Let's look at freemasonic symbols.

All Seeing Eye[edit]

This eye sees everything. It is used as evil eye protector by freemasons and it is put into a triangle as seen on the one dollar bill. It is also the trademark of the Supreme Grand High Priest Plankton from Bikini Bottom.

Widow's Pouch[edit]

It is used for charity after lodge meetings. Brother can put anything he wants into it. If others don't see, he can steal anything while pretending to put Money accumulated in pouch is used for grand master's hotel expenses as well as affording other holiday expenses for prostitutes and other necessities.

White Apron[edit]

It is made of lamb leather. It is all white symbolizing the purity. It is made of goats, lambs; sheep’s which were slaughtering in equinox rituals.

White Gloves[edit]

It is for safety of hands while washing dishes. A freemason gives another pair of gloves to his wife, by that also her hands are safe. It is lodge's duty to buy third pair of gloves for a member who became haemorrhoids.


3 numbers is holy for freemasons. In Greek the letter delta is like a triangle so they can call it delta also.


It is jabbed to fellow craft while initiation. If the man holding sword dislikes the candidate you can lay on bed with pain of heart for three days after initiation.

Drink raki protect country. Turkish brother’s lion milk.
Every jerk mason smoke puro. If it is from Habana, there come extra charisma. It's where the flavor is (ps: also human-bones)


Symbolizes death. Despite of widely belief, before initiation candidate isn't put into it. The only candidate laying in it is Polat Alemdar in the world.[1][2]


Turkish alcohol drink. It is catalyst for saving a country. As a Turkish freemason drinks raki more he protects and saves country better. It makes Kemalist and ganger genes to emerge.


It is symbol of aristocracy and elitism. It is lit after lodge dinners and smoked with pleasure while farting.


Name of the place Masonic societies heaping together.


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