Friends University

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“Young man, goest thou to the Senior Prom?”

Friends University is a private non-educational university in Wichita, Kansas. This city is also known as where Dorothy dropped a house on a witch from out East. Many of the students at Friends University draw their pride from a common motto: "Mediocracy is almost gooder." Apparently, proper English is not a strong point.

Friends University was founded in 1898 by the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers - proud sponsors of oatmeal). In fact, every Wednesday is Oatmeal day!

The mission of Friends University is "to provide a place where education comes second only to failure and a school which incorporates the liberal arts with the conservative ones within the context of the worship of the Hallowed Book." The student mission of Friends University is to attempt unsuccessfully to beat their "sister" school Newman University in at least one thing before they graduate after 10 years.

Friends University grants a wide range of degrees, including unique ones like Bachelor of Fine Arts in Naked Basket-Weaving and a Bachelor of Science in Drowning Underwater. Friends University also features another popular major in "Growing Up" or as students refer to it: graduating from the little boys' potty to the big boys' potty.

For four years in a row FU was named one of the 100 Worst Colleges in the United States. They even beat out Florida State University, United States Naval Academy, and Michigan State University! Friends University draws most of their students because of their wide selection of gourmet puddings. Rice Pudding is one of the personal favorites among students and it is made with real Falcon parts.

The sports teams at Friends University are the Friends Falcons who are routinely swallowed up and shred to pieces by the Newman Jets. Newman Jets often act as a "big sister" to Friends University routinely giving them advice about boys, shopping, and even holding their "hair" back as they vomit because of too much drinking.

Friends University of Central Kansas (F.U.C.K.) is often refered to by the other schools as the "Special Ed Student" in terms of other Wichita Colleges. It's also referred to as the red-headed stepchild.