Funeral For A Friend
“I've slept with all of them, but when I listened to escape artists never die it conjured up the image of a San Francisco tram car hurling downhill toward a group of school-children”
“We're Welsh too, you know!”
“I Love Guitars!! ”
“I'm father to at least 3 of them ”
Funeral For A Friend are a gypsy punk band from some hut in Wales. Their band consists of:
- Matt (the sheep) Davies
- Gavin (the sheep) Burrough
- Darran (the sheep) Smith
- Kris (the sheep) Coombs-Roberts
- Ryan (the sheep) Richards
Contrary to popular belief the band aren't sheep(s?!?). The formed in the summer of '69, no, not the year, just the very horny month of july 1999. They formed in a hut in Wales when bass player Gareth Davies pulled some instruments out of a sheeps arse. Their name was inspired by when ,drummer, Ryan Richards killed his best friend dolly the sheep and they had a Funeral in his back garden. Ever since theyve been bordering the line between metal and emo. So if you listen to their music you might die of confusion because you'll be like, wtf?! EMO OR METAL! RARGH! Slit slit! RAR! RAR!!
Also contrary to popular belief, Matt and Gareth Davies are not brothers, they are actually lovers. Their EP's Four Ways to Scream Your Name and Seven Ways to Scream Your Name were actually inspired by a particular incident in a caravan that was filmed by bandmate Darran, who later cited the reason for doing so being 'creative license'.
Tales Don't Fellate Themselves
The new album coming out soon. If you don't like it you must be scottish. The new album is supposed to be really good. You should like it. Again if your name is Timmy then you may be excused. Some men in hats say that the new album is heavy as fooooook! But some men in briefs say that its soft. On closer inspection the men weren't wearing hats or briefs at all, they were just George Dubya Bush trying to fit in to modern society. Osama Bin Laden has given the new album 5 / 5 and claims that: "Thees new album is explosive! But yoo cannot see me because this is my seester? Why am I talking like Borat? Why the fuck am I here? You should all be dead you bastards!" Whereas Tony Blair gives this new album a mere 1/5. He commented by saying. "I'm very disapointed with this new effort, so if you don't mind, im busy giving President Bush a good seeing to."
Tales Don't Fellate Themselves Tracklisting
1. Into Yer Mam.
2. The Great Wide Open (Well that one speaks for itself.)
3. The Emotional little book that charts every single bluddy day of my boring life, boyo
4. On A Tire
5. All Hands On Dick Part 1. Raise The Tail
6. All Hands On Dick Part 2. Open vagina
7. Out Of Bleach
8. One For The Toad
9. Wank Away
10. The Sweetest Rave (um tiss um tiss)
Casually Erect And Deep In Penetration
1. Dookie of the Year
2. Mullet Theory
4. Beef Up Your Arms To Look Like Chicken Wings/ Bend Your Penis To Look Like A Minge
5. Welsh Rock Artists Bum Guys
7. Moments Forever Jaded
8. She Drove Me To Bovine Penetration
9. Emo Is The New Gay
10. Your Erection Is A Joke
11. Waking Up (To A Sheep)/ Getting (It) Up
12. (I Have) No bell...a...
1.All The Sage
3.Moses For The Shed
9.The End Of Clothing
10.Hey Gringo You Want Some Cheese?
Erasable Programmable Read-Only Memory and Human T-cell Leukemia Virus-1
1. Roman Gays
2. Todie Had a Moustache
3. Kicking and Screaming (your name all night)
4. Constant Penetrations
5. Maybe Ya Mum
6. You Can't See The Penis for the Pubes
8. Behind the Burning Behind
9. Some Day I'll Fire...
10. Fullfrontal Orgy Club
11. Charlie, Don't Stop Now
13. Constant Erections
Funeral For A Friend aren't really welsh but they pretend to be, just to be emo, as no one likes the welsh, and as the world is populated with mainly chavs, so no one likes emo's.
Funeral For A Friend's next album will be a mixture of pop and Death Thrash German Poo Sex Metal. The lead singer commented on this by saying, "Bludy Sheep! I'm the only emo in this village!"
Contrary to popular belief the drummer is not very fat. Although he likes men.