Furry tolerance

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Adult catgirl aqua.png Catgirls, Hentai and furries, Oh my!
This page contains catgirls, hentai and/or furries and is not safe for human consumption.

If caught reading this page, roll over and play dead.

As a reluctant maverick and somebody who has often been an outsider, I know what it is to be in a minority, overlooked and outvoted. My job is bringing people to see the point of our Lord, Jesus Christ! Or, as I like to call Him, "Josh."

Between humanity entire and individuals unique lie six billion diversities. To advance beyond racism, we must advance beyond race. And in this season of brotherly love (I mean chaste brotherly love. Of course), I think it's well due time for a plea for furry tolerance.

Who amongst us would not see the attraction of a "furry" poster such as this in our bedrooms? Possibly on the ceiling.

The virtue of inclusiveness[edit]

The world teaches that furry attraction is a negative, unwanted and apparently unnatural emotion which, when acted upon, results in sinful behaviour, regardless of the love, stability and commitment that is evident in a significant percentage of furry relationships. Some Church leaders even claim that God hates furries and suggest that any such "inclination" to be a furry should be and can be "diminished" or "overcome."

But Jesus made no reference to furries in the Four Gospels. Even Paul's letters contain no references to furry tendencies. ... Although the Sodomite story in Genesis and the Holiness Code for ritual purity in Leviticus might have a few things to say. But they're Old Testament, so never mind those.

Consider the Rev David Hart. A convert to Hinduism, he has been allowed to continue to officiate as a cleric. His diocese renewed his licence, even though he had moved to India, changed his name to Furnanda (Sanskrit for 'fluffy happiness'), and participates daily in pagan fire offerings to the snake god Nagar, and offers prayers to the elephant god Ganesh. He sees no contradiction between these practices and his duties as an Anglican priest. And nor should we.

We need to keep in mind that the furry subculture is full of fundamentally decent and thinking young people. With their own refreshing selection of quirks and human oddity. (Or, as they say in their lingo, "furversions.") But are they not decent humans? With hearts and souls just like you or I? Even if they claim the soul of an otter or ferret. And fur suits. Let's think about this and expand this rather half-baked little definition, fur brothers...

Why yes, young Asbo, that is mine ... I'm, er, researching it. Give it BACK please. Thank you.

The evil of "fursecution"[edit]

Fursecution is an unacceptable evil in this modern world. Those who unfortunately give in to their baser and more narrow-minded urges, and behave as though there is a difference between wanting to be a giant anthropomorphic sex-crazed bunny rabbit ... and donning the fur suit. "I mean, this is how we got the Minotaur," they say. "And now we're going to get a plushie minotaur if we aren't careful." As if there was anything wrong with that!

No, no. The oppressive scourging of those who choose to "yiff" their way to enlightenment and peace with the world is not a suitable way for a decent, loving human to behave toward fellow humans. Technically humans, I wish to make no presumptions about the shape of soul they feel they have!

And of course they don't have sex with animals! Ha! Ha! Sex with animals! Who'd have thought about it? I mean, thought it.

Who amongst us?[edit]

Who among us cannot bring ourselves to tolerate such furries as these? Caressing and cuddling. In a loving and proper manner. While singing "You're my Number 1/ I'm like a dog to get you/ Yeah yeah yeah yeah."

I'm sure all of us here can agree with that and see the inherent justice and rightness of such an attitude. I mean, who amongst us has not thought to ourselves, "gosh, I'd love to be a furry animal, so that I could form meaningful relationships and build a life with other people who would love to be furry animals?" I know I have! ... Hypothetically.

Sannse: ummm ... o/

Ah. Hmm. All right, that's one ...

Squiggle: Make it two.

Two, then ...

Squiggle: Or five. Or ten ... ish.

AS I WAS SAYING. The notion is perennial in human society, and harms no-one! Consider the Playboy Bunnies. They're all furries! And how many times have you rendered yourself less than holy with thoughts of their images? Complete with ears and tails? Hmmm? Who amongst us has not "auditioned the finger puppets," as the furries say? — That's a rhetorical question, Squiggle.

And consider popular culture. Alison Goldfrapp, the Judy Garland of furries. As any CSI viewer would know! Why do you think all her videos are about sexy animals with human legs and breasts, swishing their, ah, tails about? FURRIES CORRUPTING OUR CHILDREN THROUGH POP VIDEOS! Not that there's anything wrong with furries, of course. ... Excuse me just a moment ... Thank you.

And, in conclusion[edit]

We must strive to be a dynamic, inclusive and forward looking church leveraging our core competencies to actively seeking to find new ways of exploring and expressing spiritual insight and experience for the 21st Century. Let us love one another diligently and creatively. This will be the sign that we exercise that grace bestowed in unconditional love upon us all.

You may now all rise[edit]

... Why, yes, young Asbo, those are my kitty ears. — I mean, those are NOT mine. Of course not. THE SERMON IS OVER. Thank you all. thank you. LucidFox, if you could just stay for a moment ... ?