G-Force

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GOVERNMENT WARNING: This article may cause you to lol or in extreme cases even rofl. Please try to think of something unfunny if you think this is about to happen.
This movie SUCKS. It's awful. It's horrible and the trailers for the movie gave me a desire to murder. This movie should be dropped into a trench in the ocean and never be allowed to be shown to human beings ever again!

The film's original movie poster
Directed by I don't know. Or I don't remember. Help me think please. Someone who clearly has never directed a good movie before. Whoever made this, their movies really suck, how the hell do they keep getting work anyway? Oh wait, I know! It was Raja Gosnell! No wonder this movie sucks! Like I said, he movies really suck, how the hell does he keep getting work anyway?
Produced by Barney Hitler
Adolf Hitler
Barney the Dinosaur
Joseph Stalin
Jerry Bruckheimer so high on marijuana that he watched Barney for 24 hours straight before agreeing to produce this film.
Written by A preschooler on snack break
Micheal Jackson
Bill Oddie
Billy Mays
Monkeys who do not yet know Shakespeare
Starring Actors willing to degrade themselves to such a low level, being:
Drew Barrymore
Dan Castellaneta
Julie Kavner
Hank Azaria
Yeardley Smith
Sarah Palin
Carlos Mencia
Sonic the Hedgehog
Some guy
Music by the music, uhh, who wrote the music? I don't know, or remember, but OH GOD it was really bad. Wait, did I say really bad? OH GOD THE MUSIC!!! I meant it was completly and utterly horrible and unbearable! OK, I remember what it was now! A pile of Top 40 songs, boiled and pressed from their original horrid state into the most unbearable thing imaganationable!!!!
Cinematography was bad also, but I don't remember who did it. Oh wait, I know! Phil Collins
Editing by Slappy Squirrel (Death lives!)
Distributed by Walt Disney's evil twin (my butt in other countries)
Release date(s) December 21, 2012
Running time 91200 years in Hell
Country Concentration camps in Germany
Language Klingon
Gibberish
Furbish
Welsh
English with a Swedish accent
German, the primary language of the Nazis who wrote the film.
Budget 800 Trillion Dollars and a Child's Soul
Followed by Oh, God, PLEASE! NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Official website


G-Farce (also known as The Citizen Kane of All Horrible Films, Abomination, and The Greatest Failure of All-Time) is a French Nightclub which is supposed to represent hell and what hell feels like. It was a plot to brainwash Americans into taking over the world like the Rich Billionaire that will be mentioned later in this article made by 20th Century Fox under the disguise "The Walt Di$ney Company", something they had previously done with 2007's Underdog. Ironically, they released another plot called Alvin and the Chipmunks the same year under their own name, because 1) They own them and 2) They want everyone to know that they brainwashed cartoon icons and it can happen to you too. It is often called "Le film le plus dégueullace dans le monde car c'est tellement idiot." (The worst film in the world because it's so stupid). The title literally means, (the most) God-Awful (Furby) Force (ever). Not only was it intended to be the worst film ever conceived in the minds of a group of painfully beyond-dumb money grubbers, but it also was (intentionally made to be) a poorly-timed, perfectly engineered, boiled and pressed monster pile of catcrap on the Disney company and the CGI film industry.

Long story short: It was a movie that just freaking fliping failed. "Miserable failure" should really link here instead of to the White House.

It is known to be a cult favorite among fangirls and any person who can tolerate what shit has been coming out of the Disney stable (arse is a more appropriate term) in the past few years.

Plot

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about G-Force.
Not only is this what happened when Darwin tried to stop the evil billionaire, it's also what happened when they made this movie. A disaster. Even worse than Plan 9 from Outer Space!

WARNING: If you were looking for entertainment, this is the wrong film. You have been warned. This is only entertaining for persons who are extremely high. Otherwise, you'd be better off doing something more worth-while: like moeing the lawn, walking your dog, watching the grass grow/paint dry, getting a root canal, surgery, anything but this terrible horrible piece of failure.

The "plot"...oh God to even call it such a thing is to completely mislead you....becomes more asinine with each ticking second. It's about a bunch of stupid Furbies, Darwin (Dan Castellaneta), Juarez (Drew Barrymore), Blaster (Carlos Mencia), Speckles (Yeardley Smith) and Mooch (Hank Azaria). These Furbies are known as "G-Force", because they are the most God-Awful Freaking Furby Force creatures ever. They want to stop an evil billianaire (Some guy) from talking over Hollywood with the help of Holing the mouse lesbian (Sarah Palin) and Sonic the Hedgehog. That's all I can tell you, if I tell you more, it will kill you (if it hasn't already).

History

NOT ONLY did the first teaser trailer cause mass suicide at the first showing off at The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, but never before has such an abundance of shit been put on a movie screen. This is a once-in-a-lifetime event, comrades, when a movie is TOO BAD for the Razzies, and merely will be sent to the darkest depths of hell upon its DVD release, so that no unfortunate soul must be reminded it ever existed. But Satan will not be able to handle the horror of this film, and he will catapult it into the stratosphere and beyond, to be subject to the outer limits.

Let's fast forward 350 years from now, shall we? An alien species finds a strange object flying towards them. They gather around, curious as to its nature. They discover it can open, and that inside is a strange disc. They upload it to their cyborg brains, and as a species watch the worst 91200 years in Hell conceivable. They feel anger at the pure stupidity of this atrocity. Whoever made this...will die. The alien race then traces its origins to a strange planet known as Earth, filled with stupid and obese people, who enjoy turning their brains off and watching mindless drivel. They angrily discover that Micheal Jackson, Bill Oddie, and any other moron involved in the spawning of this demonic creation died more than 500 years earlier.

To save the universe from the experience of the extraterrestrial endeavours of such a stupid race, they have no choice but to destroy Earth. For only five minutes, all the residents will experience the most grueling punishment imaginable to meet their demise. That's right, all residents of Earth will be forced to simultaneously listen to a Miley Cyrus CD while watching G-Force. The combination is fatal. Within seconds, our heads begin exploding. Only minutes later, all that remains on Earth of humanity is the collection of their brains, strewn about, lying in pools of grey matter. The aliens return home, and eat all remaining copies of the monstrosity.

Examples of the horror of this monstrosity

WARNING: If you are concerned about your health, I advise you stop reading here. However, most of the information below is factual.

As noted, this film is a monstrosity. The previous plot summary wasn't long enough, so, despite the fact that this may in fact kill you, I will list more scenes in the movie:

Sex and nudity

A male and female guinea pig flirt with one another, exchanging glances. A male guinea pig looks at a female guinea pig longingly.

A male guinea pig asks a female guinea pig on a date. A male guinea pig suggests that a female guinea pig celebrate by going out to dinner, implying a date. A male and female guinea pig discuss the intricacies of liking one another, the female guinea pig saying that she is not interested in a relationship with the male guinea pig because he is interested in her, and instead she is interested in a different guinea pig, who then responds that he is not interested in her. A guinea pig says that he can now have tickle-fights with another guinea pig, and "Road trips to Vegas." A male guinea pig tells a female guinea pig that she is "fine China." A guinea pig claims to have a "hot Canadian girlfriend." A guinea pig discusses with a group of other guinea pigs that a man is wearing "tighty whities," referring to being able to see his underwear. A man says, "I don't like it when my fly is down" implying unzipped pants, when discussing the attitude of an actual fly insect.

A guinea pig throws off its clothing, saying it was not necessary. A group of three guinea pigs and a mole are shown taking off their equipment and one guinea pig comments that they are "going native." A human grasps the torso of a female guinea pig, who remarks, "Watch the hands!" A guinea pig repels from a tree, with an upward shot of his crotch being shown as he crashes to the ground.

A crowd of women are shown wearing short cocktail dresses, some of them revealing cleavage.

Violence & Gore

A coffee machine is shown turning into an evil robot, shooting coffee beans at two guinea pigs and turning the coffee grinder function into a spinning blade that crashes through a storefront window and almost hits three humans; it also shoots laser beams at the two guinea pigs, it chases one guinea pig into oncoming traffic, and then it is crushed by a car while the guinea pig stands out of the way.

Appliances become animated and form violent robots that wield their internal structures as spinning weapons (pikes and various others). A giant robot crashes through a large, crowded home, causing people to run in fear as it reports that it will soon force all humans to go underground; it scoops up a car that contains two terrified humans and their faces are shown with a look of panic.

A guinea pig is shown pinned under a large box, covered in dirt and presumably dead (the guinea pig is actually fine). A guinea pig is trapped in a microwave and the microwave scrolls through pre-programmed cook-times while another guinea pig comments that the microwave is about to cook the trapped pig. A huge explosion is heard and seen, and a fireball erupts and tears through a passageway where three guinea pigs have left their friend behind, implying that the friend has probably been consumed in the fire. A man throws a mole, in a plastic bag, into a trash compacting truck.

A guinea pig, flying through the air, kicks a dog and then crashes into a bush. A guinea pig falls to the ground as a giant robot rips through a house and yard. A guinea pig runs full-force into a glass wall, his face is shown smashing into the glass and he then passes out on the ground.

A large snake lunges at the screen, with teeth bared. A large dog bares its teeth and digs at a hole in the ground where a mole is hiding; the dog barks and snarls and the mole is visibly shaken. A guinea pig is almost caught on fire as the fireplace it is standing on is lit; the guinea pig is pulled out of the fireplace with a zip-line, and another guinea pig points out that the guinea pig's backside is on fire and tackles him to put the small flame out. A guinea pig flips another guinea pig over its back. A guinea pig crashes around a yard in a remote control car, being chased by a boy and a girl, and another guinea pig wraps the girl in a sheet and the boy is tipped over into a small swimming pool. A guinea pig is shown being thrown through the air, landing only inches away from a cage containing a dangerous snake.

Three guinea pigs dive off a large building. A group of guinea pigs fly down an open airshaft. Venus Fly Trap plants snap at a fly as it zooms through flowers. A hamster shoves two guinea pigs through a trap door on a cage, causing them to crash to the ground.

A person wearing a large gas mask and Tyvek suit is shown stepping out of a van marked "EXTERMINATIN" and carrying a large instrument that is emitting gasses, causing rodents to pass out (the rodents are then shown to be perfectly fine).

A glass chandelier is shown shattering, and glass flies over a group of people who have to duck to avoid being hit. A guinea pig falls backwards and is hit on the head with the lid of a box. A woman is accidentally pushed over as a man attempts to kill a fly; the woman falls to the ground, and the tray she is carrying falls to the ground and glasses break. A guinea pig is shown sitting on a sprinkler, which then turns on and the water pressure flips the guinea pig through the air and he lands on the sidewalk.

A guinea pig accuses a hamster of allowing the guinea pig's friend to be crushed; the guinea pig, very upset, grabs the hamster and shakes him.

A guinea pig, while talking with another guinea pig, discusses the extreme level of danger of their current situation as they are surrounded by Doberman dogs. A group of guards with large dogs are shown patrolling the perimeter of a home; the dogs are heard snarling. A cat meows and bares its teeth at a guinea pig. Small rodents are shown breaking into a home. A guinea pig uses a rope for lashing a dog's mouth shut.

A mole feigns death in an attempt to escape from a cage; a woman sees the mole, pokes it in the stomach and then starts screaming. Obviously vexed, a mole cries out, "Not the cage!" as he is crammed into a cage. A grenade is shown and a guinea pig points out that it is attached to a trip-wire, which, if tripped, will go "tick tick boom."

A large truck is shown ramping over, and crashing on top of, a parked camper; the car is destroyed, but the two passengers of the car are shown rumpled, but okay. A car crashes through an intersection and comes to a screeching halt; the passengers are okay. A large car crashes, flipping over twice, and the occupants are unharmed. A car crashes through a table set-up of live fireworks, causing the fireworks to explode. Three guinea pigs in a small vehicle are shown breaking through a large window, and glass shatters, falling to the ground. A high-speed chase is shown going through crowded city streets and cutting through a busy intersection, as large trucks are shown chasing three small vehicles driven by guinea pigs. A guinea pig is shown using a small saw attached to his vehicle to weaken the sidewalls of a tire. A large robot is shown with sparks flying and arm-like blades spinning. Humans are shown ducking to avoid flaming debris falling from the sky. A man whips a robot with a chain.

Two men loudly shout at one another. A man admits that he had helped break into a person's house without permission. A guinea pig says that he will come back to see a boy that was being cruel by visiting him in prison. A man discusses how a mole's family was exterminated. A plan is discussed that would cause "global extermination," bringing an end to humanity; a map of the world is shown being covered quickly in bright red. A man discusses how a person used to be a "former arms dealer" and is being investigated for selling weapons, as images of Army tanks and helicopters are flashed on the screen. A person asks another person if they are ready to dominate and change the world.

A man discusses how he had found the group of guinea pigs, and one was being used in animal testing for hair gel, while another was about to be killed and made into a snack, and the final pig had been abandoned by its family. A small hamster threatens guinea pigs, saying that he is about to deliver a "knuckle sandwich." A guinea pig threatens to turn another guinea pig into a small side of bacon. A man says that he wants the animals back, "dead or alive." A group of humans discuss how guinea pigs were "fugitives" and inquire if they had possibly been involved in terrorist activity. A group of animals discuss how an animal that had died was buried in the backyard. A group of guinea pigs discuss with a man that their friend had been crushed by a garbage truck. A guinea pig refers to his faked death, claiming to have prompted people to cry. A guinea pig refers to himself as being "in the morgue," while hiding among fur coats. A guinea pig states that it was about to be attacked, so it had to block the blows. Another guinea pig discusses how he will become a "killing machine." A man says that the group of specialist guinea pigs will be "used as guinea pigs" meaning that they might be used to test drugs, rather than being treated as special agents. A boy holds a guinea pig upside down; the guinea pig is obviously distressed and three small mice respond that the guinea pig should poop in the boy's hand. A guinea pig tells another guinea pig to not point his backside at him, because "it might go off" (implying flatulence). A guinea pig threatens to "take off" the finger, then the hand, of a small girl.

Hundreds of cockroaches are shown swarming over tables and on food that two people are attempting to eat. A hamster, spits up a saliva-covered nut and offers it to two guinea pigs; one guinea pig takes the spit-covered nut and eats it. A guinea pig is shown attempting to make a spark, a loud flatulence sound is heard and a ball of fire erupts from the gas being set on fire; another guinea pig remarks that the flatulent guinea pig's bottom is a "crime against nature." A very loud flatulence noise is heard coming from a guinea pig, causing a mouse to pass out. A loud flatulence noise is heard and the small area where two guinea pigs are is shown fogging up; a guinea pig makes a gagging sound, presumably in response to the smell and the two guinea pig's actions are then called, "sick" by another guinea pig.

Two guinea pigs are shown, one's bottom resting on the head of the other; the two argue about the position using mild anatomical terms.

Profanity

2 scatological terms, 7 mild anatomical terms, 1 mild obscenity, 1 exclamation ("holy foxes"), name-calling (blind as a bat, runt, vermin, fool, sucker, ball of fur, fat, soggy, idiots, saying a hamster had grown up in the psyche-ward, trouble, Paris Hilton's chihuahua), a man asks if a jacket makes him look "fatter" and a vehicle is referred to as a "pimp ride."

Alcohol/Drugs/Smoking

A man is shown toasting with a champagne flute, a waiter is shown carrying and offering people drinks (presumably alcoholic), and a guinea pig holds a pellet of food in its mouth as though it were a cigar.

And now I wanna know

Are you still alive yet?

Taglines

YOU WILL SIT THERE, AND YOU WILL ENJOY IT! AND YOU WILL HEIL!

50% Warriors. 50% Heroes. 100% G-Force= ... 200% horror!

The Guinea Pigs Will Fall December 21.

Gadgets, Gizmos, Guinea Pigs. God save us all!!!!!

The World Needs Shittier Heroes.

Reception

Critical reception

This label was applied to the film by New York Daily News. There is only one thing that correctly describes this film in all of its glory...EPIC FAIL. This picture represents what should be said to all of the filmmakers. And to all of the idiots who actually saw this catcrap: We warned you. This is the only time you will ever trust the Uncyclopedia with the truth. Yes, seriously. This is the only truthful article on the whole site.

G-Force received AWFUL reviews from film critics. Review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes reported that -20,00% of critics gave positive reviews based on 50,000 reviews. On Metacritic, it is reported that -444,000 out of 444,000 critics gave positive reviews based on 17,000 reviews, falling under the "All time crap-fest" category. As for everybody else, they hated it. Roger Ebert formed a mob and they all attacked Michael Eisner, who screamed like a girl, wet himself, and tried to run away. The only person ever to give this movie a rating above 0% was some dumb whore who hadn't actually seen the film and was too stupid to even comprehend it even if she had seen it. Currently, users on Youtube will murder anyone who attempts to disgrace the site by uploading parts of this video. When they are through, they will return to their Britney Spears music videos with wary eyes, prepared to lash out upon the next unfortunate n00b who dares upload even a small potion of the movie without accompanying commentary about how much it really really sucks.

Box office

G-Force was a commercial failure. The film cost over 800 billion dollars to make, and grossed -32,185,000 on its opening weekend from 3,215 theaters, averaging about -9,114 per theater, and ranking #1 at the box office failures for that weekend, getting the shit, piss, and fuck kicked out of it by Inglourious Basterds (or its trailer, at least). This is a clear sign that this film was aimed at fangirls, retards, and losers. Additionally, it was so bad that Walt Disney came back from the grave so he could shit a cow on every homo, fag, retard, and emo that made this film. And then he returned and started turning like there was no tomorrow. The Friendly Association for Incredible Losers (FAIL) intends to release this film on DVD in January. Good luck. It's gonna bomb, even if it's only 1¢ per copy, it won't be bought by anyone, anywhere, even if there life depended on it. Not even monkeys will buy this crap, as if you hadn't been warned enough times already. If it makes ONE PIECE OF ANYTHING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, I will steal all the profits, what little it will make. As the talking Po doll would say, "Faggot faggot, faggot faggot, faggot faggot, bite my butt, Michael Eisner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MWHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Awards

The movie, as we all know, is the biggest piece of bullshit ever put on a movie screen. Because of that, it "won" the following razzies. Or at least, it SHOULD have, but the people at the Razzie though it was TOO BAD to win the following:

  • Worst Picture (a lock after the expansion to 10 nominees)
  • Worst Director
  • Worst Actor for Drew Barrymore (first ever nom for a voiceover, I believe)
  • Worst Supporting Actor for Dan Castellaneta
  • Worst Supporting Actress for Julie Kavner (second ever nom for a voiceover)
  • Worst Adapted Screenplay and the four technical categories
  • Worst Cinematography (for use of 3D)

Controversy

Aside from the fact that critics warned anyone who hadn't seen this movie to run for their lives, there is a huge controvery about the bad influences this film will have on young kids. Because of the terrible (and pathetic) slang seen in the trailers, kids will say stupid stuff like "Pimp my Ride!", "Holla!", "It's off the hiz-zook!", ect. without actually knowing how stupid they sound. Not to mention that they will ask for a hamster, not knowing that it is really the evil that is Furbies, because the Furbies seen in the movie are obviously disguised as hamsters. And if the hamster is a real hamster, instead of killing them, they will just simply not care about their human, to the point where they will will be thrown out the window and killed, and/or microwaved.

Aside from that, this movie was good for something in that it makes it that much easier for the general public to identify a retarded fangirl, shitface, or shitkicker by simply questioning them on whether they liked the film or not.

Advice

If you see this movie (and survive), common side effects include nausea, vomiting out your insides, extreme depression, erectile dysfunction, spontaneous combustion, instant death, and PTSD. Doctors advise checking yourself into an asylum after seeing this miserable waste. If you do not check yourself into an asylum, remove all objects from your house and spend your days in your bed, chained down. Flak jackets and helmets are recommended in the theatre, as the crap spewing out of the screen may become projectile and seriously wound or kill if protection is not worn. However, docters have said that if you get *rrreeeeaaaaaalllllyyyyyy* stoned, it'll be the best damn movie you'll ever see in your life!*Ever*!

See also

External links

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G-Force is part of Uncyclopedia's series on Mass Media.