Galaciuc

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Galaciuc (also known as GEEK-HAVEN !!) is an annual religious gathering masked as a computer science contest (for the sole purpose of obtaining state funds), taking place in Romania, at an almost unknown location in the middle of Oprisan Country, in the Vrancea Desert, 666.666 km from the capital Caracal. The festivities are dedicated to the mighty god Vivi, The Great Webdesigner (Currently Working For Google and Oprah, formerly known as Elvis, the Albanian folk hero) and to the Ministry for Education, Illiteracy and Obscure Cults in Romania. It is sponsored by Microsoft (and its flagship product - Linux), by the small Chinese Imported Sub-Standard Computers Organization (CISCO) and a major virus, spam and spyware creating company (Softwin).

Ceremonies[edit]

In order to participate, one must prove extensive knowledge in the dark arts of Romanian multitask extreme computer programming, that is programming with one hand, while constantly drinking tuica and eating sunflower seeds (a powerfull hallucinogenic drug) with the other. This is done in the small, covert chapels/torture chambers (also known as colleges, highschools, schools, jails, brothels, chinese restaurants etc.) belonging to the Ministry for Education, Illiteracy and Obscure Cults. The religious ceremonies start in Local Baron City (formely known as Focsani), at the local train station (now closed due to the recents nucular bomb attacks by the Moldovan Empire and their president George Dubya Bush). All the members of the cult must first wait, in a sign of devotion and penitence for up to 5 hours, and pray for a cleansing of sins. They must also carry a small picture of vivi, a bottle of tuica, a tape with manele and a CD, prefferably with only a small computer program recorded on it (the rest being filled with a movie downloaded from a file shareing netwok, porn or even more manele). After this opening ceremony every participant must pay a sum of 100.000 pula (10 new pula) for transport to the misterious location. Upon arrival, all the participants are made to eat the infamous Oriental Salad (1979 edition) and Hot Dog (packed 1981 - a great year), at the even more horrendous Cafetaria, in a test of strength and courage that only the strongest pass. This generally wakes up the unwary participant that did not know the true meaning of the event. These are easily distinguished from the true believers as they will complain about the food and not eat it, while the true believers will ask for more, in an attempt to prove their willing to suffer for the faith. For the next days other acts of spiritual clensing are performed, prior to the final meeting. The next three days are also full of interesting events, designed to test the faith and do a little brainwashing, events like searching for the hidden toilet (the fact is that there is no toilet. The US Government in collaboration with the aliens removed the toilet and transported it to the top secred Toilet Research and Development Facility otherwise known as Area 51 in a giant conspiracy plot to take over the world), scavenging for food (however, the only food available is locked by a magic force field bound by the equation 1+1=3). Each contestant is bound to declare war on all the true believers from other cities while showing off with their software creation in the so called contest. While using AK-47s, bazookas, pulse laser guns, moldovan expired nuclear weapons, BFG10Ks, antimatter devices or even the feared fasole-gun (a weapon of mass destruction made by using beans) is allowed the most effective means is to make your opponents the laughing stock in front of both the jury (a panel of long-time believers in the VIVI-cult) and of the entire pseudo-contest. The best questions are "Why have you used templates, aren't you capable of reinventing the weel?" or "If it's not assembly and direct binary coded like mine you are lame, j0u flash using, action script coding lame c++ programmer of a n00b, and | a|^1 te|-| trU hax0r, am I not?. Not defeating your opponents will definitely make you a heretic in the eyes of the mighty VIVI, and will even make you lose your hair, crash your car, and lose all your money in Caritas and FNI like scams. After the war, everybody is taken to the parade ground to receive their prizes from an italian teleshopping presenter shouting "cado (apparantly italian for present or fuck you, depending on context), cado, from me, one veritable ring, cado from me, with il diamnto e emeralds veritable, cado". Of course, the most active in their prayers and the most devout in their service to The Gods Of VIVI will gain recognition, while those with the best projects will be sent with nothing but a piece of paper and the word "Diploma - Honorary Mention". Now, some grateful persons will hang a banner thanking Microsoft for their kind sponsorship (the words normally used are "Linux Rules", followed by a serial key of the arch rival software GNU/Windows). During the evening the great communion takes place. Around a fire, every believer is expected to chant "VI-VI, VI-VI", followed by drinking tuica and listening to manele.