|NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!|
|The article you are looking at may not be work safe!|
...Although, since you're already here it's kind of too late for this warning to actually be useful.
|If a boss or coworker sees this article, claim that it was spam and blame the IT guys. Otherwise, continue to read it until your lewd urges are satisfied.|
Garry's Mod is a Half-Life 2 modification. It was created by the most brilliant British coder who goes by the name of Garry, who made an ugly interface on top of Valve's engine that took him 11 versions to get it right and left the community to do the rest. The primary use of Garry's Mod is to entertain creative people. Unfortunately, a majority of the community is under the age of 12 and most of the time not creative.
Garry's mod allows you to use a special gun to pose ragdolls into different positions. The most common of them is the genre of "sex poses". Sex poses are commonly made by mingebags due to the fact that that is all that fucktards ever think about. These sex poses are usually posed with Dr. Kleiner (an old man) and Dr. Judith Mossman (an even older woman)doing it doggie style.
Another feature Garry's Mod include is face posing. This allows you to make people have different expressions. The only problem with it is that fag Garry made it so that every face pose looks like the person is having an orgasm.
The Man Behind The Mod
As you might expect, Garry's Mod was created by a bloke named Garry. Garry Newman, to be exact. He's a very jaded fellow, but he should be, considering he spends all of his free time working on new Garry's Mod updates. He is famous for 'handling' bug reports on the Garry's Mod forum, Facepunch Studios. Here's a typical example.
User: Excuse me, Garry, but Garry's Mod crashes. Garry: FUCK YOU LOSER BAN!
Shortly after such an outburst, Garry will generally ban everyone who posted
in the thread on the topic list on the board on the site. If you haven't noticed, Garry tends to simply ban all the problems away. Hey, there can't be any problems if everyone is gone, right?
“Garry Newman has slight anger problems.”
The Online Play
Playing online is very different from going solo. Not only will other, more advanced players run circles around you with their vastly superior creations, but they also talk like complete retards with thieir netspeak, and are very apprehensive about letting anyone new join in. A typical conversation between Garry's Mod junkies is as follows.
Kle1ner: Imma build a robot [email protected]: lol BR33N: DIE GII-MAN LOL Gii-Man: OMG11!!! Kle1ner: lol [email protected]: lol Kle1ner was smushed [email protected]: LOL [email protected] was shot by Kle1ner BR33N ran over Gii-Man
However, add someone new to the mix, and everything changes.
Gii-man: lol smushed Mossman joins. Welcome, Mossman.
Kle1ner: OMG [email protected]: WTF BR33N: n00b BAN PLZ Mossman: ...What's the problem? Gii-Man: HAX Mossman: I'm just building a house. Gii-Man: OMFG shes bein constructive BR33N: burn teh witch!111 Mossman: ... [email protected]: die bitch!111!!!! Kle1ner was blown up by Mossman [email protected] was blown up by Mossman BR33N was blown up by Mossman Gii-Man was blown up by Mossman BR33N: OMG HAX Gii-Man: BAN PLZ [email protected]: B1TC|-|!11!! Administrator Kle1ner has kicked Mossman. Reason: GTFO n00|3, 7hi5 53|2\/3|2 i5 4 13375 0|\|1Y!!!!!!!!!111ONE BR33N: lol [email protected]: lol Gii-Man: lol
By the way....
DONT FUCK WITH A SHIT LOAD OF NUKES ONLINE YOU WILL CRASH OR LAG AS FUCK
Garry's Mod multiplayer is intended to let players play together and share contraptions. Instead it has become the Detroit of the Multiplayer world, because anything you make can be removed by the feared REMOVE tool. Some people use prop protector to save their props, but minges will always find a way provided with enough time. Most sessions end in a war where the minge and the server's population kill each other over and over again.
But in other cases of this clusterfuck they call Garry's Mod Multiplayer, there may be no problem when someone joins a building server full of intellectual people with goals of construction. But of course any kind of harmless shenanigans (like giving Alyx balloon tits) will be frowned upon by the server-goers and the offender will be deemed not fit for the server and booted.
Warning: You will have exactly 2 minutes to finish up a contraption when a mingebag arrives.
Ways to get kicked or banned from a server
- Join a server.
- Spawn a jeep.
- Shoot people with the guns given to you by the game.
- Enter both the answer and question into console. (42 and ???)
- Throw explosive shit around, since the guns do nothing.
- Go away from the keyboard for more than two seconds.
- Walk around throwing grenades for fun, when two of them happen to hit the admin's whorehouse he was building and set it on fire.
- Go to a Noxious Net server and ask about how Jetboom harvests rcon passwords.
- Use any of Garry's Mod's features, besides walking, on an RP server.
- Tell the kid who won't stop complaining about someone throwing a prop at his ragdoll to kindly shut the fuck up.
- Be a cool, level-headed guy.
- Build something that launches shit.
- Build something original and kickass.
- Don't buy CSS. Despite being a 12-year-old wankfest, half of the shit in gmod shows up as either a gigantic red ERROR model or a black-and-purple seizure-tastic eye rape.
- Have a sense of humor.
- Have fun.
- Build something that doesn't use Wire Mod.
- Ask for help on how to use things as you play Gmod for the first time.
- Go join a R.I.O.T Server and troll the masses of faggots
- Ignite Dr.Breen connected to balloons.
- Pretty much anything
- Spawn (and ignite) huge objects until the server crashes.
- Make prop spawners of giant objects and spam them until the server crashes
- Delete everyone's objects.
- Motor a table to the ground and adv dupe it, then make another table and quickly dupe one under it and one on top of it, activating both at the same time. Lulz will ensue.
- Rope everyone's objects to the ground.
- Spawn an object and cover it in propcannons that fire propane tanks, aim at ground and fire until server crashes
- Kill everyone until he gets smacked with the banhammer or everyone leaves
- Spawn a dumpster, flip it upside down, and cover other people's objects with it
- Constantly say something like "YOU'RE HACKING YOU FUCKING FAGGOT LEAVE BEFORE THE ADMIN BANS YOU", "why the FUCK was i just kicked?" or "YOU PIECE OF SHIT I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK"
Experienced mingebags are to be praised for their amazing skill unlike their typical 13 year old boy counterpart. The underage b& Mingebags use their microphone CONSTANTLY, raping everyone's ears. They are comparable to skiddies in a raid.
Becoming a Minge
So you've decided to become a minge. Congratulations.
As a minge, it is your sworn duty to utterly ruin the experience of GMOD for anyone and everyone you come into contact with while creating epic lulz for yourself. It seriously takes little to no effort or thought to troll other players, but if you can't think of anything, try one of the following:
- Changing your name to /citizen on a Roleplay server and taking cigarettes
- Doing it for the lulz
- Spawning large props and crashing a server, also overloading the LUA
- Use hax to crash servers
- Go onto a DarkRP server with the drug mod, change your name to "/citizen", take cigarettes and watch as the entire server changes to the citizen job. Bonus points if the server usually votes "no" to job votes.
- Do the same as above, except with the name "/buymoneyprinter", and watch as everyone in the server with $1000 spawns a money printer. Unsuspecting people on the streets will buy a printer and the server will become a lulzfest over them.
- Download autoaim and wallhack luas from garrysmod.org and rape everyone
As freshmeat to the Minge game, here are some tips.
- Always target kiddies. They are the easiest to piss off and provide the most lulz. Do not do this under the view of a moralfag or admin.
- When in doubt, spam everything.
- Avoid servers with regular moderation. Mods can put a stop to your schemes. Unless you can hack the server's LUA never go toe-to-toe with mods. The longer you stay on a server minging successfully the longer your e-peen grows. Bonus points if an admin is on.
- Make friends with other minges. Strength and lulz are in numbers.
Garry Sells Out
At some point in time, Garry signed a deal with Valve to release Garry's Mod on Steam. Rather than being free, it would cost about $10, and would be far too large to be reasonably accessable by dial-up users. (Well, it serves the cheap bastards right.) The profits were split between Garry and Valve.
Even though Garry's undoubtably made a lot of money, he still hasn't added anything even remotely new. That said...
And Some little kid steal from der moms and get gmod10 and then Mingebag cum and fuck every ting up!!!!
The Roleplay Scene
The roleplaying in garrysmod is in a very sorry state. In a short summary, the "Roleplaying" is divided into two sections: Half-Life RP and DarkRP.
(There are other RP's too, but noone cares about them.)
The grand creators of half life 2 roleplay, in particular, are a dieing (wat is spellign) breed. Essentially what roleplaying in garrysmod allows for is the gathering of many semi intelligent beings from all over the world to partake in the free, creative environment that garrysmod supports. To completely fuck this idealogy over, freedom is axed by setting maps based in nonsensical cities 'somewhere in europe,' with an oppressive police force. Reliving Half-Life 2 as a regular citizen (The lowest of the low), A powerful, brutish Civil Protection Officer, or a "Kickass Rebel." The Creators of the Gmod roleplaying scene are of a dieing breed. The coders have actually gotten up, left the keyboard and experienced something outside of this pathetic videogame, while remnants of what they once created are gamed to infinity on the home front of garrysmod roleplaying. One community in particular is taconbanana. ()
Some things never get old.
Most Servers that use a third party game mode are using DarkRP or some other shitty RP mod. -RP allows you to pick your job and buy/sell things etc.,
be a furry that class got removed thank god, or pretend to be a member of the opposite sex in order to perform oral sex on Mayors/Cops for lulz/money. It is not as cool as it sounds, it is infact a demonic creation of Satan.DarkRP in Garry's Mod is the next worst thing to Minges. Every DarkRP server has the same thing going on:
- People love being cops so they can ruthlessly abuse you and defilate you.
- If you can't be a cop, the next best choice is to be a Gun Dealer. Those guys pwn fucking everything.
- Everyone loves going to the gun shop so they can buy a gun that they'll lose in 2 minutes, and use it to kill everyone they see in sight.
- Many people are under the impression that they are the admin of the server and tell you to get out. Unfortunately, they are all fucktarded 12 year old children.
- "DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU" is a popular responce for JOB
- Almost no real roleplay at all.
- Mods who offer you the illusion of something to do other than watch people put a basket on top of a table. You will be given a physgun, but not be able to spawn props, then you will be taken away the physgun, mess around with the GG, and then be banned for a finite amount of time. If you ever complain about why the server is so boring, you will be called an RP noob and then permabanned.
- On rp_evocity_v2 there is a cave, and entering or even coming too close to it will cause the server to crash. Look at the signs carefully, and find the road to the campground. If you encounter a giant tiled wall, right click a jeep with the no collide tool and drive through it. Keep going till you reach the cave. Politely inform the players on the server that you're going to "enter the cave", then rush into it immediately, giving them no time to save anything. When the server restarts, do it again.
- It is a well known fact all of DarkRP servers are 10 year old kids. When treated right said 10 year olds may yield exciting results.
Other communities sometimes have loads of drama or they are full of assholes, such as HGN whom the leader apparently payed a hacker $150 just to steal a shitty script from another RP community.
Warning: Anyone who plays RP for more than 43 seconds will have a seizure.
Criticizms Of Garry's Mod
Garry's Mod is criticized for many reasons. Many Jew parents complain because Garry's Mod teaches their children harmful things like creativity and imagination.