“How does he always know to pick Squirtle when I pick Charmander?!”
“Even though I beat him in a match, he still made me feel like shit. What an asshole.”
“I'm Louis Anderson!”
“What does my quote have to do with Pokemon?”
“Meow meow meow meow.”
“Well, ill think ill use a Gameshark.”
“His middle name is Motherfucking!”
Gary Oak - Arch Rival of Ash in the popular animation series Pokemon
The young, supple rival of Ash Ketchum has always been the bane of existence to anyone playing the fashionable games known as Pokemon (America), Pocket Monsters (Japan), Scary Chernobyl Monkeys (Russia). His trademark throughout the series is having way more Pokemon than you at any point during the game.
At one point in either the RED or BLUE version of the game, he even runs his pompous mouth off about having a Rhyhorn, which is available for capture in the safari zone, a varitable hell of Clefaries and ugly fishermen with 5 Pokeballs containing Venonats, which suck ass. But more importantly, inaccessible up to that point in the game.
How does he do this? No one knows for sure, but some gamers speculate that Gary is actually a devil-clone of Ash in an alternate universe, at a different point in time. But if this were true, that would mean that Gary defied 'The Rules of Alternate Universes and Paradoxes' by returning through the worm hole from whence he came for the sole purpose of acting gay and unfairly beating Ash with advanced pokemon.
General Rules of Alternate Universes and Paradoxes
- The G.R.A.U.P functions using Terminator Rules (i.e. A user can only travel one way in time). Any backwards traveling using a modded version of the 'Time O'Matic 2000' device is strictly prohibited.
- Under no circumstances can traveling alternate universes be used for personal gain.
- If one chooses to indeed travel time for personal gain, a portion of all winnings or leisure snacks must be forwarded to Bethos, Ruler of the Super Adventure Club.
- Bethos reserves the right to phase into any pre-existing alternate universe and dance around naked.
- If one somehow manages to meet themself in the same universe and causes a Paradox that destroys all life as we know it, Bethos will hunt you down and make you play Zork III until you brain explodes.
Today in Gary's World
Recent evidence has come out about Gary, and why people hate him so much. As it turns out, Gary is actually one of Satan's minions, who was orphaned off by Satan himself for being "Too White For Hell". He was then discovered among some trash floating around the ocean near Pallet town by Professor Oak, who 'took him under his wing'. It was at this pivotal moment in Pokemon history, along with the recent invention of the Pokedex, that would change the attitudes of gamers across the world.
Since the shocking news of Gary's true nature became public, the press's hounding of him has been relentless. When asked for a comment about the accusations of him being a spawn from hell, he simply said "I'll catch 'em all before Ash! I'm l337!" Eye-witnesses then claim that he grew bloody, fiery wings of hellish proportions, started breathing fire, and flew off naked towards France.
Gary now lives in France, where he belongs. This proved to be the perfect home for him, because aside from the Eiffel Tower and a few minor changes in the language, the environment is similar to Hell. He always gets chased by hungry fat French people, with success thanks to his saliva. Spongebob misses him very much..
Questions about Gary's Religion
There are more and more rumors circulating about Gary being a Pastafarian , however, there is no substantial evidence linking him to this, so these will continue to stay rumors until Gary stops being gay and turns into a Pirate.
Gary has been known to carry tons of pokemon - somewhere around 500 million at a time. Although he has access to many, many types, he mostly uses a select team: