Geddy Lee

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“What's all this aboot then, eh?”

~ Geddy Lee on Geddy Lee

“Mpfffffmffffffff pfff mmmmmmhhhhhh?”

~ Kenny on Geddy Lee
Geddy Lee vomiting up a microphone and stand, while simultaneously wailing on his sword disguised as a bass.

Geddy Lee (Born June 66, 2112 B.C.), is the Allah of bass guitarists from the magical, unknown/uncared about land known as Canada, where the sweet, precious syrup called "Maple" which many people like to put on their pancakes/waffles flows from trees, people beat the crap out of each other with L-shaped sticks on a bed of ice over a tiny black disc, and mysterious, strange creatures called "Moose" roam the land.

Geddy is often referred to as Obukitu. Most of his songs are about Suzukistahn.

He is also currently the bass player and vocalist for heavenly rock band Rush (they had nothing to do after the battle of 2112 B.C. so they formed a rock band). During the battle of 2112 B.C., Geddy teamed up with invisible guitar player Alex Lifeson, and his bitch's (Buddy Rich's) cymbal cleaner Neil Peart.

Geddy Lee Fighting atop his horse with wild vigor in 2112 B.C.

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He is credited with killing Mohammed, O RLY, and Oscar Wilde (though this can neither be confirmed nor denied) when he lured him to sleep with his Barry White impression, then killed him with three pink flaming balls, two of which were his own, explaining his castrati voice. When he is not landing gigs, huffing kittens or practicing Atheism, Geddy teaches at the Academy of the Flaming Arts, where he teaches his pupils the techniques he used to kill Mohammed and other people, as well as other cool techniques with swords, fire, ice, and applesauce.

For some reason, when he formed a rock band with Alex Lifeson and Neil Peart, they decided to make Geddy the vocalist.

Early Life[edit]

Geddy Lee was born Geddyeddywala Leeamallah Wineraunelbib on June 66, 2112 B.C., in Moosenosehair Valley, Eastern Canada. His mother, Sue Ellen was a poor peasant woman originally from Antarctica who came from a family of penguin herders. His father, Tyrone Jelamangelo Wineraunelbib was the God of Timishu mountain in Southern China. Geddy's parents both moved to Canada several years before Geddy was born, and met/fell in love/married when they both were questing for the precious Maple Syrup which comes from the legendary tree of the same name, and is known by native Canadanians to make everlasting delicious pancakes.

Geddy's birth was a miraculous one, as he came out of his mother's womb a fully grown adult. Moments after his mother finally managed to push him out (after an 83 hour labor, I might add), he stood up, grabbed a scalpel from one of the terrified doctors, cut his own cord, apologized to his mother, and ran off naked, never to be seen or heard from his parents again. He lived in the woods for two weeks, where a group of gnomes taught him the bass guitar (as he was/is a semi-God, it only took him two weeks to become the Allah of bass players). After he had mastered the bass guitar, he began his his training for the Battle of 2112, in which he fought with vigor, intensity, valiance, and lunacy. His famous quote "LOOK AT MY FACE!!!!" is from during the battle, which he screamed at the top of his lungs. Every soldier in the battle but two (his future bandmates Alex Lifeson and Neil Peart) did then look at his face at that very moment, and they all dropped dead on the spot. And that's how the Battle of 2112 was won... Or lost.

Travels[edit]

Several years after the famous battle of 2112 B.C., Geddy became an avid explorer, determined to visit every planet in the solar system at least once, which he succeeded to do in 1562 by taking an astronomical ride on his trusty and signature double-necked Rickenbacker bass guitar. According to Geddy himself, as well as other sources, no illegal drugs were involved. In 1857, he went exploring the far east in search of Xanadu, a lost city which was built by Kublai Khan when our weary world was young. Kublai Khan was defeated by Wrathof Khan when the struggle of the ancients first began and subsequently moved his empire to Las Vegas. Geddy, (or "Geddy Bear" as is his nickname), found the ancient ruins of Xanadu, expecting to find the sweet honey-dew that was the secret of immortality. He found it, but only added 5 minutes to his life and gave him a lot of gas. This was because Kublai Khan's refrigerator of immortality had been without power for thousands of years, and the honey-dew had gone sour. Fortunately his gas added extra low end to his bass sound enabling him to discard his amps in exchange for washing machines.

Geddy Bear was later thrown into the future, where he brought rock and roll back to civilization and defeated the Solar Federation by merging with an electric guitar he had found behind a waterfall [1] and becoming a goliath Mecha. He defeated the horrible priests of the Temple of Syrinx and their Beatles.

Singing Powers[edit]

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Geddy Lee.

Geddy Lees' high pitched voice has had a profound effect on Mythical creatures of Ancient Greece, including that of Pan's lover, Syrinx. At a whim, it has been recorded that Lee can summon mythical animals by singing 92 cents above the highest E flat, the exact opposite on the grand scale as the Brown Noise.

See also[edit]

Notes[edit]

  1. ^  He never satisfactorily explained how he got the guitar out from behind the waterfall without ruining it.