The Geisha are considered the Navy SEALS of prostitutes. Like everything involving Japanese sex, they will do anything for even the most meager of fees. It has been noticed that, despite being ridiculously poor, they don't charge nearly enough for outrageous sex acts involving giant tentacle monsters and/or fat Japanese men. This implies either that they enjoy the rigors of the job, or that they haven't quite nailed the concept of gold-digging.
For you young girls dreaming about becoming a geisha, you should go to what is called "Geisha School", at which, they spend approximately 146 years having random sexual encounters with their teachers in exchange for being forced to wear face paint for a fortnight.
A typical day for a geisha-in-training consists of:
- 12:01AM; Waking up. Geisha are awoken by having a truckload of octopus dumped on them. They must then orally service each octopus in the pile until the next bell rings.
- 6:00AM; Breakfast. The potential geisha lies naked on a table, and her body is covered in sushi. Creepy drunken old men are then brought into the room, and they proceed to eat the sushi off her nude form using soldering irons as chopsticks.
- 7:00AM: PT; The Geisha spend most of the day in physical training. For example, a standard geisha workout consists of
- 7:00PM: Dinner; The Geisha are lined up and made to orally service each other, then the "Headmaster". This part isn't so much for training, as much as the "Headmaster" enjoys it.
- 9:00PM: Study; The Potential Geisha then commit entire chapters of the kama sutra to memory. Once they have memorized the chapters, they then practice what they learned on the same creepy drunken old men that previously ate sushi off of her. Failure to recall a position, or doing a position improperly, is punished by another 12 straight hours of practice.
- 11:00PM: Sleep; Contrary to popular belief, Geisha do need sleep. During training, sleep nude, are chained down to a bed of nails using rusty chains, and broken glass is poured onto their bodies (for warmth). Complaining about the living conditions has a punishment of spending the next month sleeping in an iron maiden
Movies about Geishas that are called Memoirs of a Geisha
Erm, Memoirs of a Geisha...
|This article is part of the Wonderful Japan series|
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