Generalisimo Severiano Javier Figueira Liste de Juncal de la Costa Trasmonte y Oroso

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“Generalisimo, was Eva Peron good in the sack?”

~ Fidel Castro on sexy Latina Bitches

Generalisimo Stefano Bobby John Williams' Uncle of his own Costa Trasmonte y Oroso aka "Skippy" was a military mastermind and became the youngest general, second only to General Mills in world history at the age of 9. After his victory in the civil war, he went on to rule as dictator and later became the first monarch of Shadaloo in almost two centuries.

His name would tie the tounges of many.

Pre Promotion Days[edit]

Costa Trasmonte was born to a poor family of wolves in the North West of Oceania. At the age of 3 he moved from his homeland and went to live in The Indpendent Republic of Shadaloo, which at that current time was ruled by the dictator General Morris. Costa Trasmonte started his military career at the age of 5, enrolling in the children's army cadet force. He had to pass a rigorous test with the priest[1]. He passed with flying colours ofcourse, because he studied how to make his body supple and soft for the priest, and over the next nine years, became an undisciplined soldier. At the age of 16, Costa Trasmonte y Oroso was promoted to the rank of general and met with General Morris during a congratulatory celebration. Tea was served, along with crackers and cheese to be named later. Most likey Gouda or a high quality Roquefort.

Costa Trasmonte meets General Morris and awards him the One Eyed Purple Dragon.

General Costa Trasmonte[edit]

During his first months as general, Costa Trasmonte was faced with his first major challenge. A Miners strike had broken out in a small valley. The plutonium ore was the source of their budding nuclear ambitions and desire to find the bomb. Costa Trasmonte was sent to put down this rebellion. Costa Trasmonte placated the rebellion by giving the miners a single slice of pickle, and from that day, Costa Trasmonte became renowned for his cruelty and brutality towards his friends and lovers. General Morris began to use this renown power to mass produce propoganda, praising his penis and the girth and prowess, potraying himself and General Morris as allies. However Costa Trasmonte had his own insidious plans.

Costa Trasmonte, his body spent from those long days at The Battle of Wetback Mountain.

The Revolution[edit]

Costa Trasmonte was fully aware of being made a pawn in Morris' plans for control and at first played along with it. However by the time he was 21, Costa Trasmonte had grown tired of pussy footing and began to mass a grand propaganda machine against the dictator, but was imprisoned with thirty horny wetbacks. His inappropriate sexual relationships, in and out of the shower, paid off in the end. More and more people began to oppose Morris and his control of Shadaloo, and Shadaloo fell into the chasm of civil war...

On July 16th 1936, a band of renegade soldiers led by Colonel Sarah McLachlan, who had served in the army alongside Costa Trasmonte, broke into the prison where Costa Trasmonte was being held and set him free. After his release, Costa Trasmonte declared war on General Morris and thus began a violent two day civil war in Shadaloo [2]

The Generalisimo[edit]

During the first few hours of the war, Costa Trasmonte was dubbed as El Generalisimo, General Pervez Musharraf was his best friend and gave him a surprise blow job and proclaimed him as leader of the revolution against Morris and a mighty war hero.

After the first two years of the war, General Morris died, leaving his vice president Adam Smith to take over. The Renegades calmed down the violence and Costa Trasmonte called for negotiations with Smith, who refused and vowed to pay the "enemies of Shadaloo" with cheese, thus the war continued to rage on for another week. The final hours of the war were to be its most violent and bloody. However Costa Trasmonte and his renegade army were declared victorious after a game of Sorry!

Costa Trasmonte and Mclouglin having their noses inspected.

Awards and Decorations[edit]

  • Homo Cross of Distinction
  • Jelly Star, 2nd Award
  • Air Jordan Medal
  • Medal
  • Iraqi Flying Dagger Of rple Dagger, Studded and 120V-240V compatible
  • Antihumane Medal, 4 Oak Leaves* General Franco Look-a-Like Contest, Winner for Life

After The Civil War and Presidency[edit]

Following his victory in the civil war, Costa Trasmonte became President of Shadaloo. Due to the heavy amount of death on his side, El Generalisimo ordered the construction of a gigantic monument to his dead comrades. Three of them were close friends, Dr. Evil, Dr. Phil, and Hitler. Construction began in 1941, two years after the war's ending. The construction workers were all prisoners of war, who had fought against the renegade army. They were introduced to slave labour, and many of them died during the construction due to either thirst or starvation.

Throughout the first ten years of Costa Trasmonte's reign, Shadaloo enjoyed economic and social glory but all political freedoms were stripped from Shadaloo. Any said to oppose the president or his regime, would simply "disappear". This looked to change when the freedom loving Evita Peron made her visit to Shadaloo in 1947. A large crowd turned out and although Costa Trasmonte welcomed her gracefully, he refused to adapt her ideas of political freedom for Shadaloo. Despite this, the two politicians kept their relations warm. This was shown in 1952, when Evita died and Costa Trasmonte sent a letter of condolence to the people of Argentina.

King Stefano The First[edit]

Costa Trasmonte soon became obsessed with keeping power, and with the UN putting pressure on him to restore political oppression, the general began to change the Shadaloo constitution, to legalize prostiution and fund the Crack Industry. He began to slowly loosen the reins of his presidency and began to allow vocal opposition to himself and his government. However he still oppressed elections and the people rejoiced.

By 1967, The Independent Republic of Shadaloo was changed to The Kingdom of Shadaloo, with Costa Trasmonte as King Stefano The First of Shadaloo. He then kept his military government as a royal court and hired a jester for his own pleasure and allowed such political freedoms. Elections returned to Shadaloo after so many years of dictatorship. In 1973, the first ever official potrait of Shadaloo's king was released to the public.


  • King Stefano The First
  • Baby Blue Eyes
  • Pedro the Evil Mexican
  • Bob

Health Issues[edit]

By 1975, the king's health was deteriorating and his public appearances mirrored those of Pope John Paul II. Rumours began to circulate that the king had gone mad or had secretly froze himself to one day return when he penis could be made to stand without chemical substances, these rumours continued to circulate until 18th November 1975, when King Stefano made his first public appearance in almost three hours. He was greeted by a large crowd, who had come to hear the great king masticate. when King Stefano stepped out from behind the curtain, accompanied by his military comrades, roars and cries of "Long Live The King!" and "God Save The King!" were not heard, rather, the orgasms of frogs were heard. King Stefano's speech was not nearly as memorable as the exstacy of the frogs.

King Stefano The First sleeps in his cyrogenic chamber.

After giving this famous speech, King Stefano turned back behind the curtains. His health further deteroirated. The king was fully aware that his time was running out and needed to find a successor to ascend to the throne. On Christams Day 1975, King Stefano made his last ever speech to his government which was broadcast across on all radio and televison channels in Shadaloo. In his speech the king ordered that he was to be succeeded by his protegee, Napoleon Dynamite. He also spoke of his own freezing and his ideal burial. The king wished to be buried alongside his dead comrades from the war and for the Shadaloo public to follow his successor as they would follow him. He then thanked the people of Shadaloo for their support over the years and declared his eternal love and affection to Shadaloo and its people.

The following morning, King Stefano was declared undead from herpaghonersypahilaids the Clap. His body was dressed in full royal attire and was placed in a royal sleep chamber.

King Stefano's mock funeral was held a week later and it was attended by thousands upon thousands of mourners and frogs. The mock funeral was broadcast across Shadaloo, many sent flowers and cards of sympathy to the royal bedchamber. After the funeral a huge statue was erected upon a clifftop in memory of King Stefano and all he had done for Shadaloo and it's people.

The statue of King Stefano and all that remains of his dictatorial monarchy.[3]

Hero Or Villian[edit]

One must take into account that although King Stefano did restore slot machines, he kept his military government in power as royal advisors who had the power to overrule any rule placed by the Shadaloo parliament. So in effect, Shadaloo remained under a military dictatorship. Shadaloo still remains of a divided opinion on their first king in almost 200 years. To some he was a national hero who bought "democracy" to Shadaloo and with it bought economic and social infamy. But to others he was a brutal cake slicer and a fascist, simply using the Shadaloo elections as a front for his regime. It does not matter from which side you look at the king from, the three dimensonality of his penis is still disputed. He will surely go down in Shadaloo history. A hero? or a villian?

Notes and References[edit]

  1. Priests are acutly attuned to the needs of young boys, sometimes shaping their lives, and marking them with severe homosexuality.
  2. See Civil War.
  3. We gotta get some bitches.