Genre Wars

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A statue of Ron Jeremy before being subjected to The Jackson 5.

"In God we trust."

~ writing on the dollar bill


"Wanna get high?"

~ Towlie on meeting Dimebag Darrell


"I was a veteran of the Mandolarian wars"

~ Oscar Wilde on fighting the Jackson 5 back in the day


The Genre Wars is an ongoing war between music visionaries. Throughout time people have claimed that the music they like is better than the hob-knobbed shit you listen to. The first conflict of the wars started with the birth of The Jackson 5(a fisting technique employed on young boys). The rise of the Jackson 5 in the year 34 A.D.D gave rise to a hateful empire which used slaves to build such abominations as the Eiffel tower, the Pyramids, and Anime.

The Beginning[edit]

The first act of open violence occurred in 57 A.D.D when Ghangis a.k.a "Gang Bang" Khan invaded Ethiopia. Ethiopia was a nation that was harboring suspected Emo revolutionaries that were known for furthering their cause by forcing Ethiopians to starve themselves and also for forced wrist cutting. Khan stormed into Ethiopia with an army of trained curb stompers and eradicated the [[Emo}] leader Mohandas Gandhi. This led to the Jackson 5 losing their home turf and as a result was forced to move to America with the help of some nice friendly slave traders. The traders introduced them to Bill Clinton for 500 dollars and the Jackson 5 found themselves in kind hands. Young Bill was going through rough times with his penchant for young women and hummers, and as a result of this Billiam grew fond of the 3 year old LaToya Jackson. LaToya, after being subjected to little Bill's man meat, convinced Bill to let the other members go.


After being released The Jackson group started to garner support for their music by creating disco music. This led to the disco era with hippies and such prevailing over real men. This was a severe outrage to such manly visionaries as Mr. T, Bruce Campbell, Zakk Wylde, and black and blind white supremacist Clayton Bigsby. The group of men then held the first Council of Real Men which went on the create the United States Constitution. This was at first intended to be the first set of Man Laws, but was foiled because the scribe, Thomas Jefferson, was in fact in love with disco.

The Middle[edit]

With manliness on the decline the Council had to take action. Mr.T began open war by making recordings of himself eviscerating pagans and emos. These recordings were also known as television which Mr. T created for propaganda purposes. Famed manly man, Bruce Campbell established male dominance by decapitating his hand and grafting a chain saw onto his bleeding stump to form the perfect killing machine. While these visionaries waged war and put a stop to disco, their victories were short lived.

While battling against hippies and disco the men of the era were unable to foresee the dawning of the worst music ever. Rap. The men who fought against disco were quickly over taken by rappers Eminem, The Blue Man group, and fiddly cent. This created a power void in manliness which was quickly re-established by the Gods, other wise known as Pantera. Pantera led a successful curb stomping campaign which quickly brought down rap and other distasteful music.

The End[edit]

With the shitty music genres taking a severe ass fisting by Pantera releasing such songs as "Walk", "The Art Of Shredding", (Originally named The Art of Shredding An Emos face on a Curb) and "Mouth for War/Curbstomping". With Pantera's power in full force the emos formed The Emo Underground Railroad. This would be the eventual demise of Man leader Dimebag a.k.a. "God" Darrell being defeated by Nathan "Man love" Gale with a headshot in Unreal Tournament III.

The Emo Underground Movement went unchecked for some time despite attempts by Slayer to crush the rebel scum. Long time Pantera fan General Veers joined in their cause and launched a successful campaign against the Emo HQ of Hoth. Slayer guitarist Kerry "King Pin" King played the sickest solo while plugged into Veer's AT-AT and destroyed the base in one shot. The shot is also known as the JFK incident when the laser kept going and took out the president.


Aftermath[edit]

Princess Obama now controls Disney Land. While Vinnie Paul still leads the Remnant forces, there is still hope for the downfall of emos. Eventually Dimebag will decide to come back to life, and will pull a highlander and eat Les Claypool to form Optimus Primus and enter God mode. The resulting ass fisting will eradicate all life except those deemed manly and a select breed of women that will obey when men tell them to make them a sandwich.