George Best

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George Best
No image
Personal info
Nationality Northern Irish
Date of birth 22nd May 1921
Place of birth Jerusalem
Date of death 25th November 2005
Place of death Pig and Whistle, Wandsworth, London
First Lady Various Miss Worlds and Bond girls
Political career
Order 7
Vice President Ian Paisley
Prime Minister Ran in 1965 election
Term of office 18321854
Preceded by Oliver Reed
Succeeded by Myley Cyrus
Political party Liver replacement party


“Why did they name Belfast Airport after George Best? It's the first place he went when he got any money!”
~ Oscar Wilde

Sir George of Best was a leg-end Football player, poet, drunk, shagger and liver stealer, who had a beard to rival Chuck Norris and impressed the world with his trademark skills of being able to give women multiple orgasms at 50 yards, and for kicking a ball about a bit of grass for a shite load of money while half cut -see Drunk.

Early life[edit]

George Best was born the son of Finn McCool who shate out the Giants Causeway to help bring some Scots over to Ireland to beat the shite out of the local population. Once discovering that all Scots are bastards Sir George promptly shagged the Causeway to death stopping any more Scots arriving, unfortunately he then invented football and completely forgot to do anything about the Bastards/Scots already in Ireland. He then proceed to invent the Drum, Banner, pipe, and the colour Orange See The_Troubles His favorite word was 'Shite', which was invented to describe everything other then him.

Football[edit]

Unlike shite Yankie Doodle Hand Egg ( American_Football ) Football is kicking a ball, with your foot, hence the name. George Best was the Best at this, hence the name. Unfortunately even he was not good enough to make the rest of the shite Norn Iron team any better then a huge pile of wank when it came to anything other then fighting and drinking.

England, Scotland and beyond[edit]

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about George Best.

After inventing Football and shagging the whole population of Ireland he travelled to England to point out how they are all ugly, shite at football, have shite accents, and to have sex with all their women. While in England he invented Manchester United, and made them the greatest football club in the world, with the skills to get a Frenchman to win a fight (See Eric Cantona) and having a manger who can chew more then a cow and stop time with his magic watch, legend has it Alex Ferguson got this watch by stomping on the neck of a small English boy called Bernard.

Sir George also played for Hibs, and some other shite teams but no-one cares about them, because they are shite.

Once George had exhausted the female population of the UK he travelled to America, Africa (The Southern bit) and Australia to point out how they are all ugly, shite at football, have shite accents, to have sex with all their women, and in the case of the Sceptic Tanks(see American ) that even if they think they can, they can't drink for shite.

Due to being educated in Belfast he could not think of any countries other then ones starting with the letter A.

Death[edit]

Once he had ran out of English speaking women to have sex with he prominently drank himself to death