George Dubya Bush
|This page has been screened by MSNBC™ for authenticity and impartiality, and has been given Republican-proof protection for her pleasure. While this may be difficult to imagine, there persists a segment of the population who haven't fully understood the stupidity of the worst President in world history. Click on the following link for a first-hand look at the alternative conservative-laden view: The Biography of Dubya as written by fundies. Please also note that no other alternative views exist.|
|George Wanker Bush|
|Date of birth||July 6, 1946|
|Place of birth||Barbara's Bush New Haven, CT|
|Date of death||25th November 2005|
|Place of death||Pig and Whistle, Wandsworth, London|
|First Lady||A Different One Every Night, though most of them were really men with wigs|
|Vice President||Dick Cheney|
|Prime Minister||Ran in 1965 election|
|Term of office||2001–January 2009|
|Preceded by||Bill Clinton|
|Succeeded by||Barack Obama|
|Political party||Fascist-Republican Party|
“George Bush doesn't care about blue people”
“I'm the decider...I decide!”
“Our enemies . . . never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”
“Ya see, there's a giant night blanket up there, with a million holes in it, and that's how the moon!”
“As President I know that you know, that we already know, that I know...I'm sorry I don't know.”
“He's a God Sick Pervert! But he trusts the Lord, so he's welcome up my ass anytime.”
“I say we take Bush, and actually let him go to school this time.”
“errrr, well, hmmmm? eerrrr, ooooo, errrrr???”
Life of a "Prophet"
Mighty U.S Warlord, "Curious" George "Walker Texas Ranger" Bush is the previous president, but now emperor of Greater Amerika. He is the result of a genetic experiment in which the genes of George H. W. Bush were crossed with a now mysterious figure know only as Odwina the genetically engineered chimpanzee. As such he is the most successful ape man in history,even outdoing the great Dr. Zaius. So basically he's a big fat buttfart who eats his own buttcheese to disgust dick cheyney and to smell like pooper pants mcgee.
He is noted for:
- Being one of the most intelligent, well-meaning and truly capable Presidents ever to rule America with a pink, frilly fist, and the only one to consistently tell the truth. He admitted to having sex with squirrels and Border Collies in his youth.
- Liberating the people of Iraq by relieving more than 30,000 of living.
- George was the first president to be home-schooled because doctors believed he was autistic and he was unable to stop eating his Crayolas.
- The War Against Terror (TWAT). This is an entirely peaceful means of bringing about change in the country of Iraq, and is widely regarded as neccessary.
- Fostering an epidemic of Bush Hatred Syndrome, an illness which has infected large segments of liberals, leftists, the media, and 65% of the American public and 95% of the world. Symptoms of BHS include an irresistible urge to denounce everything Bush does or says, and to compare him to dictators, mass murderers and the anti-Christ. BHS also causes its victims to blame Bush for personally causing every evil of the world, including natural disasters, global warming, global cooling, and Bush Hatred Syndrome. A similar affliction called CHS, or Clinton Hatred Syndrome usually outpaces BHS among inbred rednecks and other republicans in the USA with respect to explaining all the evil in the world. CHS is uncommon outside the US. BHS is caused by a parasitic worm, which terrorists cultivate in their own digestive system, before intentionally infecting God fearing Americans. Some Say that this is due to his astounding level of ineptitude and maleficence. Despite this, a resounding 31% of Americans inexplicably still approve of the way he is governing the country. It should also be noted that these same 31% of Americans as a group only posses 31% of the average IQ of a ball of lint.
His Holiness George I, Lord High King of Somewhere You Don't Know About in Texas (born to a wheel of cheese and Hitler in 1946) is the greatest gay eskimo to ever live. Georgie, a former cocaine-abusing junkie and low achiever, was saved by excessive masturbation. His talents include stuttering on national television, running from public service that isn't "fun," and publicly showing off his lack of intelligence in the form of a visible herpes outbreak of the eyes. Despite his apparent lack of intelligence, Mensa made Bush an honorary member because of a terrible lack of Republicans within the organization. 2004 Constitution Party candidate Howard Dean slammed Mensa's induction of Bush as "unaffirmative action." Also, he does indeed hate black people. He refused to be a part of the Kanye West remix of "gold digger.....the republican story". His most recent public appearance was in on New Year's Day 2006, when he officially opened the George Bush Themepark, along with his pet rock, Terry.
As a child, George W. wished to be an astronaut, but when he grew up he found that NASA wasn't sending chimps into space anymore.
Not unlike Jesus, we know very little about Georgie's early life apart from the fact that his wife used to beat him with whips and chains. We only know that he single-handedly (AWOL in military jargon) saved the Divided States (United then) from VCs during the last stage of the Vietnam War in Texas.
After returning from military service he joined his brothers Jeb and Bill O'Reilly in the short-lived band "The Underachieving sons of Wealthy Sugar-Daddies", in which he played the jugs to all manner of songs by the Beverley Sisters, most of which had critical acclaim. Following the break-up of the band he entered a life of humble political service, starting as the supreme dictator of Texas. George found little time to devote to school. Graduating at five spots above the bottom of his high school class, Bush was immediately accepted into Yale under the Ivy League school's affirmative action program for mentally retarded, coked up sons of prominent alumni.
At school, Bush learned valuable skills that would come in handy when he was later appointed to rule the world by the Supreme Court. Like how to get everyone else to do the hard work. And take credit for things he didn't do. Also avoiding blame when anything goes wrong. In his adult years, he would call this delegatin'.
Georgie has brought two drunken daughters and a syphilitic dog named Chumpo. Chumpo would later run against his human father in the 2004 National Election (It turned out ot be closer than exit polls originally predicted). All of Bush's children are proud members of Alcoholics Anonymous as are George and Laura.
Despite Bush's apparent anti-gay stance, he was actually an active homosexual in the mid 60's through late 70's, abandoning his family for men, he had affairs with John Cleese, Michael Moore, George Michael, your dad, Mike Patton, Rosie O'Donnellum, Antichrist, Trent Lott, Johnny Rebel, Osama Bin Laden, Karl Rove, Rob Halford, Jim Caviezel, and Borat Sagdiyev. Bush reverted back to heterosexuality when his father told him everytime you think a homosexual thought, the Flying Spaghetti Monster devours a kitten.
Wars and other conflicts
"ACK! Hghk chahk *cough* kha!"
~ George W. Bush on pretzels
George W. Bush is a natural "War President" and his enemies are Hippies just like Richard Nixon. George W. Bush is in fact the one who nuked Pluto. People all over the world want to see his face burn. They love Oprah. They love American haircuts. George kills them all. If George is on vacation, he eats little children for breakfast. When he's not, he cooks terrorists for his family.
Also In 2000, George W. created a Dubya-loving theocracy known as "Greater Amerika". Everyone now "loves" the new government. Republicans are delighted about this as it fuels the profitable war machine.
In 2001, Afghanistan attacked the Divided States. They were wrong. George nuked them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. Tax payers loved George. Afghan people now enjoy American haircuts without curse of the Flat top. War criminals are executed. The war was dirt cheap and the golden chocolate-chip cookie was found. The new government becomes a friend. It effectively reduced CO2 emission.
In 2002, France, Germany, and Poland attacked the Divided States. They were wrong. George nuked them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. Tax payers loved George. French, German, and Polish people now enjoy American democracy without curse of the Democratic Party. War criminals are executed. The war was dirt cheap and WMD were found. The new government becomes a friend. It effectively reduced CO2 emission. The Divided States also received Luxembourg, Swizterland, Belgium and the Netherlands in the deal for a minor league prospect to be named later.
In 2003, iRaq attacked the Divided States. They were wrong. George nuked them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. Tax payers loved George. iRaqi people now enjoy American democracy naturally with no religion all up in their government. War criminals are executed. The war only cost $1 trillion dollars and WMD "program related activites" were found. The new government becomes a friend. It effectively reduced CO2 emission.
In 2004, North Korea attacked the Divided States. They were wrong. Georgie nuked them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. Tax payers loved Georgie. Korean people now enjoy American democracy without a pesky Opposition party. War criminals are executed. The war was dirt cheap and Pirate DVDs was found. The new government becomes a friend. It effectively reduced CO2 emission.
In 2005, No Orleans attacked the Divided States. They were wrong. Georgie nuked them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. Tax payers loved Georgie. Black people now enjoy American democracy without curse of the Democratic Party. War criminals are executed. The war was dirt cheap and Watermelons Of Mass Destruction was found. The new government becomes a friend. It effectively reduced CO2 emission.
In 2006, China attacked the Divided States. They were wrong. Georgie nuked them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. Tax payers loved Georgie. Chinese people now enjoy American democracy without curse of rice and world domination. War criminals are executed. The war was dirt cheap and Jackie Chan was found. The new government becomes a friend. It effectively reduced CO2 emission.
In 2007, Russia attacked the Divided States. They were wrong. Georgie nuked them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. Tax payers loved Georgie. Russian people now enjoy American democracy without the curse of vodka. War criminals are executed. The war was dirt cheap and an infinite storage of vodka were found. The new government becomes a friend. It effectively reduced CO2 emission.
In 2008, iRan attacked the Divided States. They were wrong. Georgie nuked them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. Tax payers loved Georgie. Iranian people now enjoy American democracy without a pesky Ahmadinejad and Islam. War criminals are executed. The war was dirt cheap and gay prisoners were found. The new government becomes a friend. It effectively reduced CO2 emission.
In 2009, most of the world attacked the Divided States. They were wrong. Georgie nuked them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damages negligible. Tax payers loved Georgie. The people now enjoy American democracy without a pesky Sovereignty. War criminals are executed. The war was dirt cheap and slurpies was found. The new government becomes a friend. It effectively reduced CO2 emission.
In 2010, Bush finally revealed to the press that he faked 9/11. Bin Laden didn't do it, Bush did! Holy fuckballs!
In 2011, a coalation of Reimu Hakurei, Japan, Apple, the USSR, and everyone in existence (even enemy Republicans) attacked the Divided States. They were wrong. Georgie nuked them. Oil was secured. Not a single American was hurt. Collateral damage negligible. Tax payers loved Georgie. Eveyone now enjoy American freedom and Pornography without pesky peices of shit like Communism and Sadam Hussien. War criminals are executed. The war was dirt cheap and the Divided States conquered Gensokyo, Japan, Canada, and Texas. Also, a straegy guide for Rock, Paper, Airstrike and a box containing a year supply of Marijuana was found. Georgie effectively reduced CO2 emission. Georgie now becomes conquerer of the world (until his assasination by someone from Sesame Street).
George Bush Logic
Honestly there is no logic whatsoever behind this man or his actions or his life or his dogs life or his relationship with his buket of toy soldiers, but I guess you want to read this example of George Bush's logical reasoning skills. He is speaking with his daughter Jenna about the current war on terror while in the oval office of the White House:
- George W.: Not a terrorist in sight. The "War in Iraq" must be working like a charm!
- Jenna: That's questionable reasoning, Dad.
- George W.: Thank you, dear.
- Jenna: By your logic I could claim that this pair of panties keeps tigers away.
- George W.: Oh, how does it work?
- Jenna: It doesn't work.
- George W.: Uh-huh.
- Jenna: It's just a stupid pair of panties. But I don't see any tigers around, do you?
- George W.: (pause) Jenna.... I want to buy your panties.
- Jenna: Only if you make me the Secretary of State for Underage Drinking.
- George: It's a deal.
The next day, a tiger was spotted on the grounds of the whitehouse.
George Dubya & Tacos
As everyone in the world knows, George Dubya Bush can get a full raging bone for a hard-shell taco that has delectable toppin's.
“Tacos... they make me hot”
Dubyah, Tacos, & Bullets
Many of the wars & conflicts Dubya started were due to the fact that the other side didn't enjoy taco's, hence the reason we never had a conflict with mexico. The Iraq War actually started when Saddam Hussein and Dubya were having a romantic dinner together it went something like this:
- George W.: Hey, Saddam, try this mayin!
- Saddam: What is it?
- George: Its a (long pause) taco.
- Saddam: Ok (crunch), ugh, what the fuck?
- George: Hehe like it?
- Saddam: Hell no, that tasted worse than that poached Jew egg back in high school.
- George: (Epic Face) This...Means...War.
- George: Release the Kraken... hehe... see what I did there?
After that, Dubya rigged an airplane with explosives on 9/11... we all know how that ended, the nation was ready for war so we attacked.
Tacos, Tacos, Tacos It is rumored that Dubyah and his wife live in taco city, mexico where tacos were invented and are still manufactured today by small children who also make knick knacks to hopefully sell to tourists for around 300 pesos, which is about 75 american cents. George gets a presidential discount on tacos because Mexican's still think he's the president, ( News doesn't travel to mexico very well, they're about 4 years behind. ) so he gets 200 tacos for 3 american dollars; It's not a bad deal if you really like tacos.
http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/a/af/FSIG.jpg 00:31, September 9, 2011 (UTC)
Laws passed under George W. Bush
In 2001, George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq to leave their children behind. Implementation has been problematic until Congress passed the "Soldier Age Reduction Act" of 2006. It allows for the deployment of service member's children as young as 10 since the mission in Iraq has been accomplished. Now leaving Barrack Obama responsible for helping the families that have dead children thanks to this redneck.
In 2005, George W. Bush proposed a bill that would make him the supreme chancellor of the senate. He also proposed that in war-time, he could be given emergency powers and assemble a supreme army of the Republicans with which to fight the evil Democratic Separatists. At wars end, he would relinquish those powers. When asked by reporters if he would abuse these powers, he electrocuted them with lightning from his hands. He then had the Senate disbanded, giving control directly to the individual governors. See Death Star.
In 2003 George W. Bush proposed a bill that would make "queer bashing" and "lynching" legal (televised) sports.
In 2006, George W. Bush passed legislation that added the 30th amendment to the US Constitution (also known as the Freedom Amendment), guaranteeing all forms of personal privacy in all circumstances to be sacrosanct, protected from search by government or any other unwelcome party. Yes, weed dealers- this protects you from hippies breaking and entering your place or any quasi-place-of-business of the moment. Naturally, crack dealers- you're on your own. He wrote this amendment as well. This time he was actually able to muster the mental energy to wield a pencil to write the amendment. George W. Bush also wrote the 34th amendment banning the letter ∩. This is his crowning achievement as it means all Americans can now live free of the terrible letter ∩.
In 2007, George W. Bush wrote the 37th amendment banning the addition to the "list of Laws Passed under George W. Bush" on Uncyclopedia.
At the end of his second term, George W. Bush declared that he would lead the nation against the increasing threat of terrorism by (s)electing himself for two more terms, a task not undertaken since Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Other important events
In 2001, George W. Bush was diagnosed with "cranial rectalosis". Doctors define this as "the state or condition of having your head up your ass". Speculation is that he got it from Ann Coulter while taping an episode of Fox News but reports are still unconfirmed.
In 2002, George W. Bush got so fed up with Osama Bin Laden that he ordered Donald Rumsfeld and the Whitehouse press core to personally walk into the desert in Southern Afganistan to look for him. After a few weeks of trying their hardest to find Osama Bin Laden, Georgie implimented his new "Ignore It And It'll Go Away" Policy. So far it seems to be working, I mean, have you seen the goat-fucker around since? And people criticise Bush.
In 2002, while George W. Bush was presenting Steve Nash with a plaque to honor him with becoming the NBA's International Delegate for Peace and Justice, Nash suddenly attempted to stab Bush with a broken syrup bottle. He was subdued and went on to receive his plaque.
In March 2003, George W. Bush engaged in a much publicized chess game wherein his opponent was a pineapple. The event was caught on high definition tape by Les Blank, famous for such other documentaries as Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe.
In 2005, George W. Bush was employed by George Lucas to be the Emperor in Wiki Wars III: Revenge of the Shit. Because of his hilariously bungled lines, ill-fitting costume, and a tendency to wave at the camera, he was cut over in postproduction with the face and voice of Ian McDiarmid, but if a viewer pays close attention, he is still visible in several scenes, most notably when he mumbles orders to nuke Utapau.
In 2007 appointed Larry the Cable Guy as dictator of the US Department of Education.
Dubya made his debut as the only survivor of a Kamikaze Air National Guard Unit. In 2000 George W. Bush was elected the 39th Master of the Universe, hailed as the "Great Defecator", the bridge over the Democrat'Republican Schism. Over the next several years he stopped the bitter feuding between ants and focused the country on important goats, such as the raising of the Titanic and equal rights for hummingbirds with bipolar depression. The country rallied behind him and his goals, re-electing him with 12% of the vote in 2004, coinciding with his exhaustive and noble efforts at fostering peace between east-coast and west-coast rappers, and helping white rapper Vanilla Ice to win another record deal in the process. He also continued his subtle agenda to stop global warming and save the environment by discontinuing all government purchases of non-renewable resources and closing all non-Texan-owned oil wells. At the Kyoto Conference, he outlined a worldwide plan to burn retarded children as a source of renewable fuel, so as to stop all ozone production worldwide by the year 2010.
Lastly, his budget plans — widely accepted to be the greatest achievements in financial history after 345 BC — managed to turn the mere 7 trillion dollar national debt into unheard of bujillions. In response to criticism that a bujillion was not a real number, Bush responded in his famous, I make new numbers all the time address, "Well now it is a number, he he, see what I did there?,he he, I make new numbers all the time!, what you know about numbers?" Riding on a huge wave of unprecedented popularity, he convinced Congress to stop payment on all debts except for China, which "is my second Lord and Master after Our Lord Jesus Christ."
Finally, he also has eliminated homelessness in the Continental states and is the first president since Tom Dewey to witness the gap between rich and poor decrease in the United States. "I couldn't have done it without the help of my good friend Fidel", Bush stated in his 2004 State of the Union address. Bush has reconciled with the Communist regime of neighbour Cuba, promising an unprecedented flowing of American AIDS into their neighbour's rustic grasslands.
The uncannily accurate world simulator, Civilisation III, included George W. Bush as a benevolent representative of the people. He is credited, along with the wise overlords of Clear Channel Communications, with finally ridding the airwaves of that scourge of country music, the Dixie Chicks.
Elsewhere, his speeches have been transcribed into prize-winning literary collections, including Um, Hm and Mm. Salmon Rushdie was overheard saying, "Bush is certainly a cunning linguist." Rumors say he is also a capable cunnilingulist.
Bush has sparked a revolution of popular culture in the United States. People are returning to the old-school values and old-school IQ levels. The "in" thing is shifting from drugs and baggy pants to cowboy hats, invading foreign countries and saying "huh?". Recent speculation about Bush's involvement in a porn film entitled "Bush N' Bush" has only increased his popularity. The trademark "invasion and killing foreigners" and "acting in porn films" are moves that Bush has claimed as his own, despite the multitude of other instances in which US presidents have engaged in these acts.
In 2006 a documentary was released about the childhood of (Curious) George W. Bush.
Dubya Dubya Beast Juice
George Bush, along with Satan, invented an insanely awesome and slightly retarded energy drink known as Dubya Dubya Beast Juice. Made from Jewish babies' blood and Iraqi tears, it's said to give the power to "force any Middle Eastern 3rd world country to submit to your selfish rule". Side effects include explosive diarrhea, a craving for Buddy Holly music, Sinyer, and poopy butts.
For more, see Evolution.
Science as a point of view
George Bush's totalitarian capitalist views have led him to obvious conclusion that science is in fact merely a slightly unruly branch of the legal system. He advocates Intelligent design being taught at schools, and is in good company with many who feel that it should be taught to Microsoft. While he has never commented publicly, many commentators have suggested his views on intelligent design arose because he finds it hard to believe that evolution could result in a human society stupid enough to elect him. Subversive organisations like the National Academy of Sciences have been exposed as outdated adherents of such barbaric practices as 'research' and even the obscene 'peer review'. Their theorems have been comprehensively disproven by teams of crack lawyers led by Keith Chegwin and the androgynous jimmy kranky, who has proven beyond reasonable doubt that Global Warming is in fact a breach of the 29th Amendment of the Constitution and therefore impossible. The validity of this position was further strengthened by reknowned sciento-lobbyist Myron Ebell who has no hidden agenda (and anyone who says otherwise will be sued by his employer, Exxon). for suggesting that dinosaurs existed before littl´ baby jesus. George Bush is widely expected to declare war on Iran if it even thinks about shedding another nuclear bomb the size of Rhode Island. Such action is clearly provocative and unacceptable.
Bush is known to play a mean fiddle with his pinkies and fourth fingers when he is not conquering the universe. He had a huge contribution to the Nightwish songs Planet Hell and End of Hope. To relax after killing whiney pinkos, he "chills out" to "groovy choons" from a diverse palette of musicians, from Garth Brooks to Chris Gaines. He is also known to have a soft spot (although not for long) for Britney Spears, but only buys her DVDs, because "the fucker can't sing to save her midriff." On hearing this, Spears reportedly stopped her support for the colonisation of Iraq and sang one of her hit singles to the Iraqi people "I'm not a Slut, but not yet a Cunt". She also decided to pose naked for Rolling Stone magazine.
Bush was also infamous for his horribly long lived but unsuccessful band "ITSLYM".The band has sold over a total of 4 copies of each of their shitty albums worldwide.
George Bush has also been featured in several hip-hop jams .
Achievements and accomplishments
George W. Bush became the first acting President to be awarded the Public Safety Officer Medal of Valor. Of course, as he first president to be in power after the award was created, this was not that suprising. The Medal of Valor is normally given by President however as Bush knew he would look silly on camera giving the award to himself, Congress passed a special law enabling them to award the Medal of Valor when the awardee is acting President. The Public Safety Officer Medal of Valor was given due to his exceptional bravery during the events of September 11 where he listened to a bunch of kids reading My Pet Goat while the worst attacks ever to occur on American soil were being carried out. They didn't mention how he later ran around like a chicken but it is widely believed he wasn't afraid but simply trying to get the My Pet Goat out of his head. He is very afraid of goats after a nasty incident with one in his childhood. Therefore, the primary motivator for the award was not his ability to keep a cool head while the country was attacked but his ability to keep listening to a story about a goat when he could have easily used the attacks as an excuse to get the hell out of the classroom so he didn't have to listen to a story about goats.
George W. Bush was also awarded the Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf Prize (formerly known as the Noble Defeat Prize) for the same event, the first American citizen and continuing/serving leader.
Both these awardings have been controversial as Bush knew he was unlikely to be defeated, given that he gave the orders for September 11. Also, it is widely believed he was stoned and on massive doses of pain killers and Prozac to ensure he was not affected by the reading of My Pet Goat
George W. Bush is also synonymous with failure, as recognized by Google .
George W Bush and Darwinism
Popular fans of Darwin's Evolution theory praise the existence of George Bush as he provides a perfect missing link between Apes and Humans.
The senate has recently moved to impeach Bush after allegations that he doesn't have a brain, but rather an acorn. A leading ultra-radical conservative said that it seriously risked national security and several countries may have to be nuked as a result. The CIA denied any possiblity of it happening stating that aliens are probably the more likely cause.
The last president to be impeached was Arnold Swarchenegger after it turned out that he wasn't the actual president.
For more information
|Clear! (file info)|
|George - with Co-lin in his thoughts - makes an interesting Freudian slip.|
- 1. Go to www.Google.com
- 2. Type in "miserable failure"
- 3. Click "I'm feeling lucky"
- 4. Lather, rinse, repeat
- George W. Bush Conspiracy Generator
- Bush's first attempt at MTV
- State of the Union address
- Hail der führer Bush!
- Dubya came out of the closet
- Bush Family
- UnTunes:Troops on the Ground
- WMD (Donuts)
- Talk Like George Bush Day
- Dubya the Dumb-Assed President
- George Bush 2.0
- My Pet Goat
- American Empire
|President of the United States
January 20, 2001 – January 20, 2009
|Last Emperor of the United States
June 6, 2006 – Second Coming