“What the hell...?”
George Hamilton (the dawn of time - still not dead) was first unearthed by archeologists on Florida beach. He has since perpetrated several movies as both himself and as a director, and is to be considered both tanned and dangerous. Occasionally mistaken for Warren Beatty, he is nonetheless quite feral unless approached with caution and sunglasses.
Several theories have emerged regarding the status of George Hamilton, including:
- The possibility that he is a mutant Oompa Loompa
- That he was invented before the discovery of color
- That he was born NTSC in a PAL country
- That Ted Turner tried to colorise him with his usual degree of success
One long-held but obviously false theory is that George Hamilton is, in fact, an umpire. While the fact that he never ages and quite clearly has never looked at himself in the mirror would help promote this theory, he has never once been seen anywhere the sun doesn't shine. This would seem to indicate that he is an anti-vampire. This can also be indicated by the fact that he doesn't wear black, has friends and has never written a 50-page epic about how much he hates life. A person profile was published from cbeebies acter tinkywinky (the one who wears purple and carries a handbag) in this profile the big purple poof, confessed that george is infact a trisexual (males, females and it's)and has had a sexual intercourse with many actors including Elizebeth Sladen from The Sarah Jane Adventures.
George Hamilton was recently diagnosed as a victim of "Dancing With the SARS". Although believed cured after suffering through 6 episodes of this tragic, tragic debilitation, do not approach without sunscreen.
The science of studying filmos.
- Dracula: Tanned and Loving it (2006)
- The Tanning of the Shrew (2005)
- The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (As Leatherface) (2005)
- Dancing With the Sars (2006)
- Murder, She Wrote (As Jessica Fletcher) (1927)
- Crocodile Dundee Won't Fuck Off and Die (Who Cares, I mean did anyone watch this goddamn movie except me? I want those one and a half hours back, you fucking bastards!)
- Snakes on a Plane (-2 BC)
- "The Adventures of Rin-Tan-Tan" (1963)
- The Godfather Part XIII: Revenge of the Shit (2012) (In pre-pre-pre-pre-post Production)
- "The Bill" (Seriously, hasn't everyone who's ever been near Britain?)
- Tan Snake Moan (portraying legendary white/black Delta bluesman, 'Leathery Butterscotch')
- An adaption of the Sir Hamsterlot and the Quest for the Holy Grail.
He is also guilty of hosting "The Family", for which he has received a life sentence, commuted to a week in a Betty Ford Clinic.