George Hamilton

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about George Hamilton.

“What the hell...?”

~ Ted Turner on George Hamilton
A scene from his recent appearance as a victim of "Dancing With The Sars"

George Hamilton (the dawn of time - still not dead) was first unearthed by archeologists on Florida beach. He has since perpetrated several movies as both himself and as a director, and is to be considered both tanned and dangerous. Occasionally mistaken for Warren Beatty, he is nonetheless quite feral unless approached with caution and sunglasses.


Several theories have emerged regarding the status of George Hamilton, including:

  • The possibility that he is a mutant Oompa Loompa
  • That he was invented before the discovery of color
  • That he was born NTSC in a PAL country
  • That Ted Turner tried to colorise him with his usual degree of success

One long-held but obviously false theory is that George Hamilton is, in fact, an umpire. While the fact that he never ages and quite clearly has never looked at himself in the mirror would help promote this theory, he has never once been seen anywhere the sun doesn't shine. This would seem to indicate that he is an anti-vampire. This can also be indicated by the fact that he doesn't wear black, has friends and has never written a 50-page epic about how much he hates life. A person profile was published from cbeebies acter tinkywinky (the one who wears purple and carries a handbag) in this profile the big purple poof, confessed that george is infact a trisexual (males, females and it's)and has had a sexual intercourse with many actors including Elizebeth Sladen from The Sarah Jane Adventures.


George Hamilton was recently diagnosed as a victim of "Dancing With the SARS". Although believed cured after suffering through 6 episodes of this tragic, tragic debilitation, do not approach without sunscreen.


The science of studying filmos.

Oh, alright.

He is also guilty of hosting "The Family", for which he has received a life sentence, commuted to a week in a Betty Ford Clinic.