Ghost in the shell (anime)

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Ghost in the shell initially was a series of Japanese manual books written by Masamune Shirow prior to his sex reassingment operation. There have been 2 boring feature films, 2 more sexier animated series and a film based of the 2 series. Films got very famous because of the ghosts poping out of the screen now and then. It is estimated that more than a rezilion such ghosts exist today and they get more every time an asshole sees one of those films.


Setting[edit]

Motoko Kusanagi, the main charicter of... huh WTF?

Ghost in the Shell is an ordinary futuristic cop thriller dealing with the exploits of a hot female cop named Motoko Kusanagi. Motoko is a member of the covert operations section of the Japanese National Public Safety Commission for Sexually Transmittable Computer Viruses. Well this Motoko goes haywire herself and starts abusing her power by arresting young women and raping them with her strap-on antenna. Those young women in turn go on to do the same thing, albeit they lack any proper antenna and thus causing a serious scenario tear-up which is the main reason that ghosts start poping up out of nowhere at each screening.

The setting of Ghost in the Shell is cyberpunk or postcyberpunk or prepunk or daftpunk or punk-punk or punk-rock. Nobody really knows. Yet, more than other whatever-punk authors, the movie focuses more on the ethical and philosophical "blah blah blah" side which distracts the viewer of the -admittably hot- sexual action.

Impact and Influence[edit]

The hit Matrix trilogy by Whack-o-sky's family were inspired by Masamune Shirow's Ghost in the Shell. Andy Whack-o-sky and his wife Larry, the creators of The Matrix acknowledged the influence of Ghost in the Shell and openly admitted they ripped the whole thing off and that "they are not afraid of Shirow because he is now a fruity ladyboy puff". Yet at the time when they were informed of the poping up ghosts they quickly added that "all they stole was the subtitles font and they'd happily return it if ghosts would find a better use for it and anyway we're over with revolutionary blockbusters and we'll just shoot movies about cars running like hell from now on".

"I'm realy a robot so I'm going to be fucking emo about it all the fucking time!"

Poping Ghosts Problem[edit]

Poping ghosts pose serious problems for Shell, a humanitarian company that makes oil for humans out of humans. Company has serious trouble convincing the authenticity of Nigerian reservoir ghosts which it has been selling for years. Customers claim that one cannot be sure whether she filled up with origninal high octane Nigerian ghosts or Japanese anime descented ghosts of significantly lower quality. Shell claims that she has the original ghost in the Shell and Japanese did what they always do which is making bad replicas. Company spents rezillion of dollars on marketing the true Ghost in the Shell by hiring Nigerian activists for advertishment shootings. A lawshit has also been filled against Masamune Shirow but s/he denies any liability on the grounds of the "go fuck yourself" Japanese law.

Guideline for making a successful Ghost in The Shell film/serial[edit]

  1. NO/OR LITTLE CHARICTER DEVELOPEMENT FOR MOTOKO KUSANAGI WHATSOEVER!
  2. No major characters from Section 9 die (oops...).
  3. Motoko Kusanagi's sexuality must remain ambiguous and erotic.
  4. The first suspect must not be the antagonist.
  5. There must be at least one jump from a high-rise building by a Section 9 member, preferably by major Motoko Kusanagi with a bungee and thermo-optic camouflage.
  6. There has to be at least one character who is actually controlled by some hacker sometime within the show.
  7. Kusanagi and Batou must engage in a Mexican standoff at least once.
  8. Batou must never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever tell Kusanagi that he’s in love with her even though he is wanking his cybernetic dick while looking at her picture in every episode (but this is never shown).
  9. Kusanagi must never fall in love with Batou.
  10. Kusanagi’s breast must be at least as big as in the previous film/episode
  11. The rule “once a cop, always a cop” must strictly be observed for all members of the Section 9.
  12. Togusa must be the one who is to have a hunch how to solve the mystery
  13. Togusa’s children must not age- ever
  14. Togusa should stick to his revolver forever and be shown to practice marksmanship at a shooting range, instead of within a computer simulation like normal Trekkies.
  15. Togusa and Batou each must react impulsively at least once, but never at the same time.
  16. Togusa is always to be shown in the front lines during a firefight even though he is not a cyborg and hence can be easily killed if hit.
  17. Nobody is ever to try any sort of electronic pulse weapon against the cyborgs (this only makes Hulk angrier).
  18. Section 9 must have at least one encounter with either a tank or an exoskeleton (or preferably an exo-skeleton-tank-thing-combo-doohickey).
  19. There has to be at least one hostage crisis (with at least one hostage).
  20. There has to be at least one suicide (attempted ones included).
  21. Saitou and an opposing sniper must hit each other.
  22. Tachikomas are to somehow survive hits from any kind of weapon, up to and including nuclear strikes, and if they are somehow destroyed, they are never allowed to come back without not explaining how
  23. Nobody is ever even to try to use micromachines for collecting information.
  24. It must get boring, mellow or shallow in like the first 10 minutes.
  25. Ishikawa must be severely wounded towards the end.
  26. Aramaki must never laugh and is rarely to be seen without a frowny face (his hair may twiddle a bit to represent emotion, but that's it).
  27. The previous rule should generally be applied to Pazu as well (although Pazu's hair is incapable of twiddling).
  28. There has to be a corrupt politician among the villains (to add realism to the show).
  29. Section 5 must NEVER outwit section 9.
  30. That goes for other Sections too (there's no section "69"- yet).
  31. The Japanese prime minister must always be good, except for the times when they turn into pricks and allow their secret elite squadron to be blown up by the military.
  32. Japanese Army should, generally, be good, whereas the Navy should be bad (as examplified above).
  33. The antagonists must always devise extraordinarily-complex decoy operations to cover their real plans which only end up leading the Section 9 to them anyway.
  34. There has to be at least one reference to some kind of sexual perversion.
  35. Motoko is definitely a pedophile, but young boys are okay with it.
  36. Plot revolving abducted children is always a good idea in the event there's nothing else to explore.
  37. At the end, Kusanagi must link up with the main antagonist and merge her ghost with him
  38. Also, she must gain an additional body every 10 episodes or every next movie.
  39. The net must be "vast and infinite".
Typical Shell advertishment.
File:E:\motokomix.JPG
How to make your very own Motoko Kusanagi.