Grandmaster Giles Coren (born 29 July 1969 in Paddington, London) is a British witch hunter and cave-man. Coren is the son of the British writer and humorist Alan Coren, one might think he inherited humour from his father, but no, he's not pretending, he really is just stupid. He's brother of journalist Victoria Coren. He was un-educated at Westminster School before going on to Kitty-Kibble College, Oxford, where he achieved a first in English Teeth. Giles does not like stem cells, If he touches them he will get burned and will yelp.
According to Wikipedia:
|He is a complete moron, and everyone in the country thinks he is a fucking nonce.|
In Giles' spare time he enjoys nothing more than writing dirty sex stories about Shower Heads and Zorro. He was won awards for such literature. Giles wishes to deprive the starving children of Africa of food and instead force them to buy his crispy delicious organic articles for nourishment. Giles is not currently married, nor has he been touched by a barge pole recently, this is mainly because Giles doesn't believe in sex and reproduction, he sees it as some sort of evil genetic modification atempt.
Since refusing to have sex with humans Coren has turned to more mechanical means, proof being he was the ghostwriter for the autobiography of James Dyson, inventor of the famous vacuum cleaner.
Animal Sacrifice Scandal
Giles was quoted on the Channel 4 program, "Animal Farm," as saying "It's the animal's life that gives it its flavour" on the subject of meat. Giles believes each animal has a delicious soul and has now taken huffing to a new level, taking it upon himself to sacrifice any animal he sees. In fact, he had to be escorted off the set of Animal Farm after eating many of the rabbits; though he initialy denied he had "farmed their souls humanely and organically" but he subsequently admitted the charge after a large glow in the dark luminous skid mark was found in his hotel room toilet. The crew had failed to notice the new jellyfish glow rabbit fur coat he has been sporting on set that day.
Giles believes the following:
- Sex should always be followed by the words "Like Zorro"
- Stem cells are toxic and will burn
- Bulls have nice arses (often four nice arses)
- If a shark eats a fat salmon it will mutate into a super shark/JAWS