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National Dress of Glaswegia

“Ye dinnaie wanna cum here, ya f**kin idiot”

~ Glaswegia Tourist Board

A small European Principality like Luxemburg, but without the wealth. Glaswegia is sandwiched between Norwegia, Scotia, Moldovia and Bulgaria. Glaswegians are famous for their love of other cultures, although Zionist Jews aren't allowed in the state, because they are obscene. They share a number of similarities with America - they are obsessed with nuclear warheads, notably abstinence from alcohol and the non acceptance of the theories of Darwin and "evolution".

The Capital City of Glaswegia is Goebells, home of the ruling Prince Juan Kerr, in the Ancient Hump2much Park Palace, which was built during the late 2300s.


Population: 1

Capital: Goebells

Language: Unknown, Hemish is probable.

Government: Kingdom (Monday - Thursday) Plutocracy (Friday - Sunday)

Religion: Dancing, Really Dancing, although there is one Jew who is classed as a gay...

Size: 12 Hectors and an Achilles

Shape: Elongated Turd


Cartographers are unsure of the specific location of Glaswegia, though it is thought to be somewhere around here.

In Roman times, Glaswegia was part of the Haliburton Empire, and it was not until 389 AD that the Glasweggii Tribe coalesced into a nation state. Their first historical king, Mungo Jerry, won a decisive battle against the Halliburton’s at the Battle of Mount Asshat in 385, and gained independence 8 years later.

The early Middle Ages saw Glaswegia establish trade routes throughout Europe and Asia. The great Glaswegian explorer Billi C'onhelly is known to have reached the British Isles and may have journeyed much further if his saga is to be believed. The domestication of the native Haggis during the 15th Century saw an increase in the export market for this local delicacy, and a great mythos has arisen around this peculiar little creature.

During the 1737 uprising Glaswegia was annexed by its larger and more dominant neighbour Scotia, sparking what became known as the Great Diaspora. The descendants of these people can still be found propping up many a bar, babbling patriotic incoherent songs about the motherland they left behind.

Glaswegia gained independence from Scotia in 2002, as both were absorbed into the larger European Community.


Glaswegia is Europe's second largest exporter of pornography. The standard monetary unit is the "Fishsupper".

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