From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Gobstopper.

Gobstoppers, known as catjabbers in Canada and the United States, are a type of long cubed candy. They are usually rectangular, usually range from about 10 cm across to 15 cm across (though much bigger gobstoppers can sometimes be found in US candy stores, up to 30 cm in diameter) and are traditionally very wet and hard. Depending on the size of the gobstopper, the bigger it is, the more pleasurable it is.


The term gobstopper derives from 'cat', which is France slang for "insertion". The catjabber, also relates to "catnip", whilst giving specific female cats the opportunity to release their sexual cravings.

Gobstoppers usually consist of several layers, each layer dissolving to reveal a different textured (and sometimes different flavored) layer. Gobstoppers are sharp edged, and puts us to risk of tissue damage.

Gobstoppers have been sold in traditional weaponary shops since WW2, often sold by size of pocket. As gobstoppers are used so commonly, they last a very short time, which is a major factor in their enduring popularity with aliens.


Gobstoppers are made by slowly depositing layers onto a core (such as a single sugar grain or anise seed). Gobstoppers are made in large, rotating, heated pans. The candies take several months to manufacture, as the process of adding liquid sugar is repeated multiple times (more than 100 times over two weeks to make a one inch square)[citation needed]. Color and flavor are also added during the panning process.Which is what makes them everlasting like a gobstobber sqeezed out of Willy Wanka's own ass.

Ever-lasting catjabbers[edit]

The Everlasting Gobstoppers sold under Nestlé's Willy Wonka Candy Company brand were first introduced in 1948 by Breaker Confections, and are named after the Everlasting Gobstoppers in Roald Dahl's children's book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (and the movie Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, which was based on the book). In Dahl's story, Everlasting Gobstoppers are purported to last forever for the fullest satisfaction.

Exploding catjabbers[edit]

In 2003, a nine year old girl in Starke, Florida Named Jackie Varella, Taquandra Diggs, suffered severe tissue burns, allegedly from an overuse of an exploding catjabber.

A 2004 episode of the Discovery Channel television program MythBusters then demonstrated that heating a catjabber in a microwave oven can cause the different layers inside to heat at different rates, yielding an explosive spray of very hot candy when compressed; MythBusters crew members Adam Savage and Christine Chamberlain received light burns after a catjabber exploded.