God the Father
God the Father Pronounced (non'ex·is'tent)
Also known as "Daddy".
Along with God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, and God the Pornstar, God the Father is the only true God, if you're a woman. It's all part of the Holy Quadripity in which all the Gods are unified under one party.
God the Father retired in 1 AD and passed the family business down to his son after trying to kill him on a cross. God said, "If my son has the passion to be killed, by-god, he has the passion to run the universe!"
Many Evangelicals have claimed that 'God hates fags', meaning He hates homosexuals. This is, of course, a logical impossibility. It can be proven by ontological reasoning and quadrospastic modal logic that God himself is a homosexual, and furthermore that homosexuality is the highest possible moral truth upon which all other truths are based.
During God the Father's long career as master of the universe he accomplished many great miracles and mass deaths, such as:
- Becoming the first Creator of the Universe to kill one billion people.
- Killing the entire world population in a flood after it was reported that Wal-Mart would start selling porn.
- The creation of beer.
- Longest beard in Kentuckistan.
- The creation of the Infinite candle, although some credit Kofi Anan with this.
- Forcep juggling.
- Creating himself.
- Ignoring the preceding paradox.
- Persueding his ignorant creation that he's actually a good guy, even though he gives kids cancer.
Contradiction[edit]
From this we can tell who God is:
God is the father. The father is God. Darth Vader is a father. Darth Vader is God.
God's Word is TRUE![edit]
Well, if you're a Christian it is.
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