From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Goku.
Goku after "going" Super Saiyan.

Son Goku (ゴックン Gokkuh), also known as Kakarrot is the second son of Bardock. He is capable of gaining great strength and speed by powering up to become a being with ultimate power, blond hair, and green eyes, the Super Saiyan, also called: the Japanese Neo-Nazi. His quests are documented in the critically acclaimed manga written by Akira Toriyama, called Dragon Ball, as well as the later anime adaptation of it, and it's sequel series, Dragonball Z. Dragon Ball was 632,000 volumes of 400 pages each. The Dragon Ball Series ran for an estimated 9,320 episodes, of which Goku appeared in 9,319 of them. The Dragon Ball Z series, well... It is segmented into 'sagas,' which each discuss a random villain who is somehow even more powerful than the last one, who was already the strongest creature in the universe next to Goku. Goku usually takes no longer than 1000 episodes to defeat one of said fearsome foes, most of which consists of powering-up or attacks which Goku think defeats the enemy, but doesn't. Goku appeared in 67263 episodes of Dragonball Z. It should also be noted that several thousand of these episodes consist entirely of a close up of Goku's face as he powers up.

He is not to be confused with Gokuo, a common Mandarin cooking sauce frequently used in the basting of giant apes.


Goku was born on the Planet Vegeta and sent to Earth moments before the planet ejaculated. After he arrived on Earth, Goku was found by an old man named Son Gohan, who beat him furiously with a paper towel soaked in gasoline extracts, being so fed-up with this treatment, Gokuo tried to commit majunior suicide by jumping off a cliff but failed; as a result he lost his memory. As the series progressed, we witness many adventures and conflicts that occur to Goku and his friends. They found some balls in a sack and rubbed them until a magical dragon arose from the sack, swaying back and forth demanding, something in some non-existent language.

An entire volume focused on the growth and the loss of his numerous tails, as the following volumes mention hair, hairs and whatever.

Shirt Removal[edit]

It is a fact that Goku cannot win a fight with his shirt fully in-tact. Goku is not allowed to remove his own shirt however, as it must be beaten off of him. This is because Goku is a peaceful person, and never wishes to escalate the fight. Self-removal of the shirt is acceptable, if part of the shirt has already been singed or torn. This happens when Goku has 'no other option' and is the constitutional grounds for 'getting serious.' Goku is also allowed to become so Saiyan-ish that he gets hella muscular and his shirt just gets blown to bits.

"Shirtless Saiyan" is actually the most advanced form of power that a Saiyan can reach, even more so than Super Saiyaho Level 1337. It was first discovered by Goku in the Room of Fun Times, while sparring with Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby stole the technique and used it to create a tear in the space-time fabric of the room. Consequently, this caused his time to be now. Bill Cosby then escaped the chamber and began his career as a professional monkey trainer. Twelve days later, Elfen Lied introduced the power of the shirtless Lucy, and the world has never been the same.

Pikachu Trials[edit]

January 10th, 2012 Goku was charged with an affair with Pikachu. Court date is set for Mid-June and open to the general public. Chi-Chi responded with "I AM PISSED, FROM NOW ON I'M PISSING IN HIS FOOD!".


  • Goku's power level is well over nine thousand.
  • Goku has a "power slide" technique in which he can avoid being punched without being animated..
  • Goku is the half brother of Donkey Kong.
  • Goku fakes his death every season because he's afraid of his wife.
  • Goku spends more money on hair dye and spray then any other movie star, and blames the bill on his so called "Super Saiyan Transformation". The dye is expensive because it magically changes color every time Goku screams and flexes his muscles sexy-like.
  • Goku once kicked Superman's ass, but unfortunately blasted him into the sun, prompting his death at the hands of the man of steel. The battle supposedly continued in Otherworld, where Goku asked King Kai for directions to a Red Sun.
  • Goku is said to have 4 stomachs, 3 of which he uses for eating, and 1 to store gasoline when he uses the bukujutsu technique.
  • Goku is a known pedophile who is notorious for abducting underage boys in order to 'train' them.