Goldberg

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William Scott Goldberg or Dave as he's known to his friends was born in Atlanta Georgia, where he lived for some seven odd years before moving to Calcutta to aid with the crop rotations...or lack thereof.

Before becoming a professional wrestler and holding several high profile championships the man who has come to be known as "the Phantom Menace", was once a loveable, squishy individual with a heart as big as a whale's vagina, but alas on the 25th of December 1984, the Grinch stole Christmas from Goldberg's hometown of "Hot"lanta. This was unacceptable as far as Goldberg was concerned, and so he challenged his counterpart, the Grinch to a no-holds barred, loser must get ploughed up the ass match at Wrestlemania XXX (The same night The Rock went toe to toe with Dave the Panda for the rights to the name WWF).

This event marked Goldbergs debut in professional wrestling but it was another few years before Goldberg would step inside the "squared circle" again. Despite his crushing defeat (and red raw ass) he recieved at the hands of the Grinch, Goldberg would not be deterred from entering the ring in the future.


The Actor[edit]

In the meantime, between the years 1992 - 1995, Goldberg experienced brief success in television and movies, working under the stage name "Rosie O Donnell".

In 1996 Goldberg made a cameo appearance in his good friend Tony Danza's hit movie, Anal Invaders 9.

While simultaneously juggling his wrestling career, Goldberg continued to act occasionally as a side project (one many believed that he secretly hoped would take off so he wouldn't have to continue ploughing other men for a living). Between the years 1998 and 2000 he racked up quite an impressive TV resume, boasting some roles in major movies:

1998

Love Boat, the next wave: Captain Tim O Leary

Friends: Jimmy the street urchen

FILM: Scream 2: Sydney Prescott

FILM: Screw Drivers 4: Jimmy the hotel receptionist

Rugrats: Dill Pickles (The baby that cant control bowel movements)

1999

Reprises his role as Jimmy the street urchen in "Friends".

Co-Starred alongside Christopher Lloyd in the ill-fated [Back To The Future] 4, a straight to DVD feature that had very little to do with the original trilogy. This movie saw Goldberg play Todd McFly, a teenager dealing with a hereditary problem...he's a werewolf. Goldberg deals with this problem by enlisting the help of a maniacal old family friend Doctor Emmet L. Brown, who provides him with a time travelling DeLorean so that Todd could go back to the year 1755 so that he may kill the original werewolf of the McFly family in order to stop the chain of the family curse. Of course Todd neglects to realise that killing this individual will inevitably lead to his family not existing and thus the movie raches a grizzly end. The movie, panned by critics world wide is in very short supply these days as Universal studio's have been ordered to cease the manufacture of this DVD, at penalty of death. Critics did however applaud Goldbergs performance saying "he brought a touch of class and hilarity to a role that others would have scoffed at...definitely a man of the cutting edge...however, it is the lack of believability that the 32 year old Goldberg could play a 14 year old boy that became the movie's downfall"

2000

Ready To Rumble: Goldberg

Who's the Boss? reunion episode: Bill, the partner of the now sex changed Angela who insists on being called Angel.

The Wrestler[edit]

In 97 Goldberg was draughted to become a professional wrestler for Winston Churchill Wrestling despite valiant efforts from the WWE(F) to sign him to a contract as a fluffer. Goldberg went on to have amazing and unequalled success in the ring, ploughing everyone that got in his way.

Once he arrived in WCW, Goldberg decided it was time for a change and hence shaved his flowing golden locks that had been his trademark since his days in Calcutta. He also got a tattoo that reads "choose one of the tattoo's below". As a result of his head shaving a rival wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin claimed that Goldberg was copyinh his style to which Goldberg responded by challenging Austin to a loser must bury his head in the crack of my ass til' he passes out match. The match ended in a no-contest finish as WCW owner Winston Churchill ordered both men to bury their heads in The Big Show's ass...at the same time