Golden Path

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The golden path was the idea that some blokes thought up to prevent the extinction of humanity or tyrannous rule by one by scattering so far across the universe that some would survive. (Why the hell not?) However Emperor Leto Atreides II Decided it was a good Idea to cause a famine at the same time. Sr. Emperor Leto II, in order to start the Golden Path picked up a sand trout and waited as it proceded to cover his body. Over 3500 years or so, the "metamorphosis" continued and the "Worm-porer" changed from a human into a long orange worm kind of thing thing resembling a gigantic penis with a human face on it. This orange human penis proceeded to go and rule the Galaxy.

Development of the Golden Path[edit]

The Golden Path developed when the orange, worm, penis, emperor, thing constructed an order of female fighters loyal to himself, know as the Fish Speakers. The Fish Speakers did not actually talk to fish. Instead, they performed key duties such as churning the royal yak's milk into royal yak's butter and the construction of plastic bags to store various items necessary for success in the Golden Path. Some of these items include, peanut butter, yak's milk, yak's butter, garlic powder, toenail clippers, gas masks, false cheese, toad intestines, copies of Sun Tzu's masterpiece manuel, The Fart of War, splinters of violins eaten by rabid buffaloes on Christmas Eve, 5983, radioactive pickles, and nosebleed toast. (Obviously the importance of plastic bags to Lord Leto's rule should not be underestimated.) These females obviously know the advantages in bonding with a 100ft long penis that slithers, talks, sleeps, defecates spice, a cinnamon like drug that turns one's eyes completly blue (and allows for special insight into things like how the Governator can get elected), that also lives for thousands of years, and rules over trillions of people. Central to success in the Golden Path, Emperor Leto took control of the universes supply of peanut butter and yak's milk. Without these valuble commonities, all the people of the universe bowed to Leto's power and attempted to kiss his non-existant feet. While trillions of people were so busy trying to figure out how to kiss Leto II's feet, the Fish Speakers invaded thousands of planets and stole their garlic powder and toenail clippers to increase the size of Leto's power. Because of the successfulness of the Golden Path, the polar bears decided to ally themselves with Leto's forces in order to utilize the teratons of garlic powder stored beneath the city of Good Gravy! This City Smells So Bad!!!!!!. With the polar bears on his side, Emperor Leto had COMPLETE CONTROL OVER THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!! Ooooohhhhhh... sounds cool eh? Well it is.

Leto used polar bears to enforce the Golden Path

Ending of the Golden Path[edit]

The Golden Path came to a sudden and abrupt end when all the population of the universe suddenly realized that the path was secretly tungsten. That sneaky emperor had managed to fool the whole damn universe for 3500 years. (!) Well eventually, the universe got its act together and revolted. The Fish Speakers could not bear to serve under an Emperor who had been fooling people so it revolted as well. One by one, every world in the universe revolted and a big army went to attack Leto. Leto was so embarrassed to learn this that he killed himself by jumping in a lake and thus his body A Sploded. This was the end of the Golden Path. (But not the beginning.)