Golden ratio

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The golden ratio, and many other things we thought were flawed, is/are perfect!

The golden ratio, usually demoted as the golden mean, expresses the relationship that the sum of two quantities plus quantity one minus the other is to the larger quantity divided by the second quantity as the larger is to the smaller. Nowadays, the golden ratio is calculated by this formula:

golden ratio =


The Ancient Greeks[edit]

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The ancient Greeks, when they werent buggering or invading neighboring countries, decided they would make nice looking buildings and artwork, so that their young people wouldn't be depressed and commit suicide. Instead they would be free to learn at the feet of philosophers like Pedoxemenes, Pedoxamander, Pedocrates, Pledo, Pedostotile, and other old men who really, really, really enjoyed the company of children. Ancient greece was later bankrupted by lawsuits over philosopher sex abuse.

Greekruins.jpg

Anyways, they described the theory of building a building by the Golden Ratio, but as pointed out elsewhere in this article, to do so is impossible. So, everything they built crumbled almost instantly, littering greece with dilapidated rubble that the government is still trying to clean up, 2000 years later.


Buildings from the 70s[edit]

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Between 400BC and 1972, people gradually forgot about the dream of the golden ratio, and indeed, about any dreams at all. The vietnam war, aside from killing 1 million people, sent many teenagers into proto-emoism, so that when they became architects, they decided to build the most disgusting, ugly buildings possible, in order to provide appropriate places to commit suicide by jumping off of.

Mr T, and a new era[edit]

Mr T. was very proud after finding the golden ratio

In the late seventies it was B.A. Baracus who independently re-discovered the golden ratio when he was cleaning his golden chains. He noticed a pattern between the distances of two golden chains and measured it with compass, a technique he had learned in the army. Shortly after his discovery he wrote a book about it with the fitting title: "Of jewelry and maths". He coined the catchphrase "I pity the fool who don't know the golden ratio."

Nature[edit]

Everywhere in nature the golden ratio can be spotted. For example, in Hanover, Pa. There is this kickass band named Golden Ratio. They explain this theory through their music. The band was formed by frontman Eric Griffin. Take your own arm as an example. If you measure from your left thumb in the direction of your elbow and stop when you read approximately 1.6 you have found the golden ratio!

Ten years after BA's discovery, a german named Adolf Zeising found that also in bee nests the golden ratio can be found, for the scale between male bees and females is exactly about 1.618033989. Later he got proved wrong, because one bee flew away and got lost.

Some naturalists contend the golden ratio can be seen in the interaction between zebra herds and their sworn enemies, the Fanatical Devotees of Walmart, which some people say is a cult, but how would they know? They (the naturalists, not the people who say it's a cult) say the evidence can clearly be seen in the photographs taken by the famous peanut farmer Chuck Berry. However, this has been called into question by random people, who point out the photos are of various movie theater marquees in the town of Klamath Falls, all of them featuring the actress Jennifer Aniston, which you would think brands them as unreliable, but these naturalists just won't let it go.

Beauty[edit]

One of the real beauties in the world often has the golden ratio tattooed onto their face, one of Picasso's famous work (not world renowed yet but it will be oneday) La Gelb Rateo (combination of German and Italian and gibberish meaning "The Golden Ratio") has a person with a 1 as the nose, 6 as the ear, 1 for the nose...(with a dot protruding from the nose probably symbolising a mole?) Maybe that was his idea of golden ratio beauty with two noses... Arteologists are still investigating the painting and deciding on whether to donate it to a museum or give it to Bob's little brother as a anniversary present.

Plants[edit]

This is not something I specialize in and in my opinion Fibonacci has no right to tamper with nature's own creations. (Comment:No plant has ever had a golden ratio in its proportions. The eye appreciates simple proportions and usually corrects the inherent flaws of nature. Only the sarcastic grues are able to fully appreciate nature in all its edibility. Plants would take over the world were they structured any closer to the golden ratio, so remember to eat your vegetables, the plants are evil.) (Comment to the comment: never seen a rectangular plant.) (Comment to the comment of the comment: Yeah, what about cereals in the box???) (Comment to the comment of the comment of the comment: what ABOUT the cereals in the box?? How do you think they got in there? I'm scared.)

Architecture[edit]

There are no examples of the golden ratio in any known buildings. Many architects, including the prominent Frank Lloyd Wright, tried and failed, due to the inherent instability of the angles pertaining to the kitchen sink and the then de-rigueur bay windows in relation to the null space generated by the overuse of nonsequiturs. Hotels don't have thirteenth floors for the same reason. This is known in architectural circles as Tough Noogies.

Historical records indicate the ancient Romans were close to overcoming this limitation, but inexplicably abandoned the golden ratio in favor of the golden rule, the dirty bastards.


Here is the golden mean in fancy math-talk. Sorry, but i had to put some nerd jibber-jabber in here somewhere, because those freaks can't speak American.

Solve for a, carry the two, and we have 1.618.... which is the golden ratio, as mentioned above. Times it by two and it would equal 3.236. Now subtract 0.096. That gives you pi, or the ratio between the circumference of a circle and its radius.

Now, 9 is the number of letters in the ephysian alphabet, and 6 is 9 upside down. If you extrapolate further, and run through special software developed by Discovery Networks, it will give you a complete script for a History Channel conspiracy show.

Fashion[edit]

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The Golden Mean influenced fashion in the Renaissance. Many nobles and dignitaries, popes, squires, sextons, deacons, clerics, constables, burgers, earls, dukes, plenipetentiaries, sherrifs, vintenars, reeves, chancellors, stewards, magistrates, friars, sacristans, bishops, abbots, prelates, priors, deans, proctors, provosts, vicars, parsons, wardens, curates, and rectors took to wearing wire meshes, representing the golden ratio, on their heads.

Parties[edit]

If a party is to be held, it is common etiquette to make one's best efforts to achieve the golden ratio of boys to girls. As a rule of thumb, for every one male, there should be 1.618 females in attendance at any given event. Adherence to this ratio has been perfectly achieved only twice in history. The first time was in France during World War I, as men were culled by the Germanians, and the result of this achievement was in an ultra-love making era that proceeded into the late 1920s. The second time occur in Australia during 1992, when a group of three friends (one male and two females) were involved in a freak accident with a giant man-cow, in which one of the women was dismembered so perfectly that the ratio was again achieved. The result of the second achievement was enlargement of Pamela Anderson's breasts, which to this day provide eternal bliss.

An unfortunate consequence of this ratio is that in an attempt to achieve the ratio, it is not uncommon that a party member will be dismembered or blended into a slurry and distributed into the next door neighbour's garden, to get the ratio as close as possible to the irrational number that Phi is.