Graham Norton

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Graham Norton sporting the traditional flower of 'The Queers'
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Graham Norton.

“So...he's gay?”

~ Mrs Dave Norton

Graham Norton (more commonly known as 'Graham the Bunny') is a homosexual comedian and self-proclaimed gnome who regularly appears on BBC television to promote his society, 'The Queers' and public toilets to meet his society ' The Queers'. He is well known for being very, very, very gay, almost to the point of sexual inversion. He is sometimes known by the nickname, 'Gayam Whore-town' and is often seen skipping around the BBC studios with fellow homosexuals Vernon Kay and John Humphreys. Photos of the entertainer are rare because of his immense speed and some can fetch up to £10 on the black market.

In 1999 a rumour circulated around the BBC that Graham Norton was in fact non-existent, however it was later revealed that he had simply been on holiday. This news was met with delirious joy, especially on the part of famous nothing Tim Henman who openly admits he has sexual feelings for Graham. The feelings, according to Norton, are not mutual in any sense of the word (except when the meaning is reversed).


Family Life[edit]

Graham Norton was born on April 4th 1066 a turbulent year in Britain because of course it was the year the famous Battle of the Bands took place. Most people remark that Graham looks very young for his age, however the truth is that he does not and high-definition TV has revealed this. His parents are not recorded anywhere on Earth and many believe this is because they were technically too small to count, but Graham prefers to believe they did not exist. Graham's sister Paul is a member of the British Nazi Party and visits a hospital at least once a decade. She recently ran for election in the town of Tring but unbelievably received under 0 votes.


Norton's first claim to fame (American Region 1 release pictured, hence stupid yank spelling).

Graham's first appearance in broadcasting saw him chairing the BBC Radio 4 Show, "Nobody Cares". In 1345 Graham left the show because of the "emotional turmoil" in his life. It was roughly a few hundred years later that Norton reappeared alongside Ronnie Barker in the hit sitcom, My Arse Is Open All Hours, and it was in his role as bookkeeper 'Dave' that Norton shot to fame. Barker was thought to have found the sex scenes uncomfortable, Norton however said he like the weight on top of him.

Graham was sacked from the show in 2006 when he openly suggested that eating Fairies (a narcotic drug) was "fantastic". Although this outburst lost him his role in the sitcom, it opened up new doors to him, notably shows produced by drug baron Ozzy Osbourne. The most successful of these was "The Graham Norton Show". His name in the show's title was simply a bizarre coincidence.

Death and Reincarnation[edit]

Norton was found dead in Nigel Slater's home in 2007 after supposedly eating too much meat. The sexual innuendo implied by the cause of death was humorous to many fans and it is not clear whether Norton wanted this to be so. Two years later Norton was reincarnated and took a time machine back to the day of his death where he declined Slater's dinner invitation. Many fans believe that Norton has never been funnier and this may explain the removal of canned laughter from the comedian's home in Moscow.

He is unfortunately a homosexual bunny who really, deserves to be turned into canned meat.

Recent Work[edit]

More Recently Graham Norton has taken part in a scientific experiment aimed to bring the colorful wizard Joseph back to life. The experiment was a success and Norton has hired Joseph to promote 'The Queers' at various venues around the country. Currently Norton writes an article for GQ magazine, which has applied his Queer flower to the cover logo.

Potato Farming[edit]

A Graham Norton potato.

Graham Norton's own brand of potatoes are perhaps the most succulent available. They bear the face of the star and are severely lubricated, which enables them to slip easily down the gullet in no time at all. All the potatoes are made from homosexual seed which is imported from Brazil. Last year the 'Graham Norton Potato Company' sold over infinity potatoes and Norton puts this success down to the secret recipe which he inherited from his grandmother, Irish rocker Liz Hurley.


Graham Norton is an acclaimed inventor. It is thought that he invented oxygen in 1874, a substance widely used all over the world. In fact the only person who doesn't consume oxygen nowadays is Paris Hilton who prefers to live off her own self-confidence. Graham's last invention was the 'GayPod' which only plays music by Elton John, George Michael and that guy from The Feeling. The GayPod has so far sold in the region of 42 billion, but most of these were bought by Chelsea hard-man Roman Abramovich who has a soft-spot for "puff-pop". He also enjoys a bit of elephant on the side.His favorite hobby is fucking clare louise jones (a.k.a cunt face) up the arse becoz she is to fucked up to look at and she has VERY manly features!!!. He is also believed to have invented cricket, although the game has changed somewhat as it is no longer played naked nor with the bat firmly inserted in the batsman's anus.

Social Life[edit]

His favourite catchphrase is "Oh, i've cum..... FUCK ITS IN MY EYE!!! SOMEONE, PLEASE HELP! GOD, IT'S LIKE FUCKING BATTERY ACID!!!"