Grand Poohbah Thrawn

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If you'll notice, this article is about Grand Admiral Thrawn. For the purposes of annoying the crap out of a strict sect of Star Wars fans, we will rename him Grand Poohbah Thrawn, or, smurf from the Empire's turf with the red eyes, gangsta. For those with a more extreme interest in our chum Mith'raw'Naruto here, see Wookieepedia's rant. [1]

Thrawn consults the Zuchinni people. Genius.


Moving along, Thrawn was a chiss. Yes, that is a species of cheese, but more related to the cabbage family. As such, he inherited ruthless efficiency as only the unexpected Chiss Ascendancy/Expansion Fleet/Inquisition could deliver. It is also rumored that he is half Smurf.

General level of Intelligence[edit]

What a pimp. He's even got his own meaningless stats.

Thrawn was famous for being smart. Really smart. You just wouldn't believe how mind-bogglingly smart he is. He was so smart that he commanded an old guy to find other old guys who were evil who in turn used evil powers to control minions who eventually became evil but not of their own motives who actually fought his enemies, all the while able to restrain everybody with weird lizard things. And then he cloned them. I mean, how smart is that? If you were to combine Aristotle, Socrates, Alexander the Great, Tony Blair, Hannibal, Napoleon, Sun Tzu and possibly someone else, Thrawn would be smarter than the freakish combination they would make. Seriously, this guy was so smart that he could tell how stupid the enemy was just by being in a novel looking at their art. How cool is that? Seriously. W00t.

The smurf from the Empire's turf with the slightly dimmed down red eyes, gangsta at his family reunion.

Coolness of Ship[edit]

His ship was named the Chimaera. You know, the Greek... thing that shouldn't exist in the Star Wars galaxy? It was still moderately cool, and coloured a dull uninspired gray to boot. Oh, yeah. I think it was a Star Destroyer too.

Colour of Skin[edit]

He was blue. Blue is cool. Going into any more detail will force us into awkward discussions of the boundaries of racism, which my English teacher already explored today.

Colour of Eyes[edit]

Red is cool. Glowing is cooler.

Life Story[edit]

Thrawn began life hoping for success as a chicken farmer that farmed plants but no animals. Unfortunately lack of sleep caused the smurf king to be angry and pwn his farm (see smurf law) anyways this caused great distress to Thrawn and perhaps this is what caused him to abandon the traditional white hat of the smurfs or perhaps it was that he thought smurfs were ugly and unfair to him because he was very, very handsome. At any rate Thrawns choice to loose the hat was his first sign of going rogue. After turning rogue he hired the zucchini people to develop an intelligence potion for at this time Thrawn was as stupid as the zucchini people which may explain why he's asking them for help (the more the merrier) after gaining this great potion he drank it mostly because he wanted to become smarter and second it was against smurf law to drink potions made by zucchini. (see smurf rivalry/allergy to zucchini) Thrawn then decided that it would be a sign of intelligence (not stupidity although everyone claimed it was) to do something intelligent like to prove he was a genius so he added a "grand" in front of his name and after death they (please dont ask me who "they" is) changed it adding poohbah between his 2 names.


Here on X-Play, Grand Poohbah Thrawn is rated a 5... out of 5

Position today[edit]

Currently Thrawn is the head of the North Vancouver Navy. Apparently, he was lured into this position with the promises of rare art, pay equivalent to Bill Gates monthly income, and the right to blow North Vancouver's enemies to smithereens. His first act as leader was to level Milwaukee to the ground.