Grand Theft Auto: Australia
--“It is a common misconception that we Aussies are a friendly bunch.
In reality, this is designed to attract tourists, whom are then beaten, robbed and fed to the crocodiles.” Australian Ministry of Tourism
Grand Theft Auto: Australia is a sandbox style video game series created by Davey Jones and primarily developed by Scottish company Cockupstar North Ipswitch and Cockupstar Leeds in England and published by Cockupstar Games as more humiliation heaped upon the lower caste Aussies by the United Kingdom, as Decreed by the Mad Queen Elizabeth. The game takes place around the listed cities and landmarks in Australia:
Players will begin by stealing a Land Rover and then accumalating points by going on a alcohol fueled murderous rampage against the enemies of Australia, namely tourists and immigrants, since Aussies spend all their money on booze and hookers and have to wait for someone to come to their country. Drivers go about ravaging game NPCs which are affectionately named Spics, Frogs, Poms, Krauts, Seppoes, Russkies, Chinks, Nips, Wogs, Dagoes, Gooks, Curry Munchers, Nepalese, Nigs FOBS, along with a whole bunch of others. Australia is not a racist country however, as its immigration policy does permit former Nazis and Czech war criminals to enter the country.
“This Game Rules!”
“I Love this Game!!”
“Game? What Game?”
“Stealing cars is fun!”
The games allow the player to take on the role of a criminal Australian moviestar running from assault charges in all/some/a Australian big city, typically a lowly individual who rises in the ranks of organized film industry over the course of the game. Various missions are set for completion for the Film Directors of the city underworld, generally criminal, and involving a lot of butt shots which must be completed to progress through the storyline. Bank robberies, assassinations and other crimes feature regularly,(showbiz) but you will also be occasionally beating hotel clerks with Russell Crowe, taxi driving with former Aussie Celeb Paul Hogan, firefighting, pimping Naomi Watts, street racing, or learning to fly an airplane which are also involved as alternate adventures, which can be done at any time during the game, with the exception of the periods performing main missions. Capture reveals a scene where you share a cell with a drunken Mel Gibson shouting Anti-Semite profanities and offering resume writing services. .
Steve Irwin - G'day! Steve Irwin is the Main Character of the game, He does Suicide Missions, Steal Cop Cars, Kill Cops, he runs the Australia Zoo, he will hunt crocs and hunt emus and he will kill the Stingray who killed one of the zoo keepers, JoJo. Steve apparently survived the attack by Mr. Stingray but he faked his death so the police wouldn't bother looking into his criminal activities.
Bindi Irwin - Steve's daughter, you can use her in two-player freeroam games.
Andrew Bolt - An annoying overly-conservative Herald Sun columnist. He promises Steve Irwin funds to help his Zoo, in return, Steve must carry out Andrew's dirty work, such as: protecting him from radical Global Warming followers who want him dead because of his denials, killing Global Warming followers, and helping Andrew take down the rival Australian newspaper The Age. Steve later takes over The Age and gives Andrew the majority of the share in it so they will include his conservative bias in it.
Tony Mockbel - A drug lord in Melbourne. After recently escaping from prison, Tony decides to get back all he has lost and retake the city of Melbourne. He forges an alliance with Steve Irwin and Steve does numerous jobs for him. Steve soon becomes a trusted member of Tony's Mafia Family.
Andrew Hansen - One of the villians of the game. He has helped Mr. Stingray kidnap Steve's daughter Bindi. He is allied with the Stingray. When Steve finally catches him, Doctor Who arrives to rescue Andrew and they escape in The Doctor's TARDIS before Steve can kill him.
Russell Crowe - Steve and Russell enjoy going on killing sprees together, and most of Russell's missions involve bashing up hotel clerks or other random people.
The Stingray - The main villian of the game. He killed Steve's wife Terri and kidnapped his daughter Bindi. At the beginning of the game it is discovered that he almost killed Steve. At the end of the game Steve gets revenge by shoving a boomerang hard up the Stingray's mouth, brutally impaleing it through it's body, and then killing it.
Sk8r at the D1sco - Some random schoolies binge drinker.
Bryan Cyrano - A poor, Homeless man who tries to grab your attention, he lives in a dump located on the Sydney harbor Bridge, he also has no money, no home, no cars, no food, no Guns, no Ammunition, no drinks, NOTHING!!!!!!
Greg Stickler - Some Midget who you meet walking past Australia Zoo, he is 1 foot and 6 inches tall, he is the shortest citizen in Australia, he helps you find Bindi, Kill the Stingray, make you drunk, defeat the Al-Qaeda and get AIDS.
Yvo Carr - A deaf man, who only uses Sign Language to Steve, he is one of the Kidnappers of Bindi, he was deaf since he was three years old from some genetic disorder, he loves destroying cars, you also have to stop him destroying the Australia zoo, he abuses ALL the animals, even the Crocs.
Bobby Bocc Poo - A nudist, he always runs away Naked, no clothes, NOT EVEN UNDERWEAR!!!!! If you look Carefully, you will see his 10-inch Penis and his fat arse, He will chase after you, even if you kill his disciples, he loves ripping up and throwing clothes in the water, BECAUSE HE HATES, YES, HE HATES CLOTHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- The Lord Humongous Gang: Lord Humongous is the violent, yet charismatic and articulate leader of a "vicious gang of post-holocaust, motorcycle-riding vandals" who "loot, rape, and kill the few remaining
wasteland, er, Australian dwellers. Styling himself the "warrior of the wasteland, the ayatullah of rock-and-rollah", .
- ToeCutter Gang: Led by the Evil Toecutter, (who actually kind of looks like me) They are the next most powerful gang in the Game and are in Conflict with the MFP (Motha F'ng Poleece)
- Crazy 88 Japanese Tourists: Travel round in Rental mini compacts and take pictures of Death. The flash of their pasty white skin in the Australian sun can blind you! Their leader is known as Owana Bigpusshi Ryu.
- Bartertown Gang: The Bartertown Hood, is a trading post for all manner of criminals and governed by Aunt Entity and Master Blaster (Ike Turner).
- The Deadly Viper Assassination Squad. Leader Bill, kill him.
- Men down Under Gang: Have you heard of the Men down under? Fire shotguns to blow you asunder. Can you hear, can you hear the thunder? Better run, better take cover.
- MFP: Motha F'ng Poleece!
- Stingray Gang: Seem reasonably harmless, but when you least expect it... Watch out!
- Gippsland Gang:dangerous looters who live in Gippsland and eat your babies.9(dont no where gippsland is i just saw it on a map on google ok.
- Centrelink: The most dangerous gang in the whole game. If you get them angry they will create fake debts in your name and make you owe them millions of dollars, eventully they will force a permenent 6-Star wanted level on you if you don't pay up their fake "debts".
Players will be able to use all the weapons which are typically Australian. Imagine being able to terrorize a city with a Boomerang. Provided is a sampling list of other distinctly Australian weapons.
- Rocket launching Didgeredoo
- Koala faeces
- That Isn't a knife
- This is a knife
- Molotov Fosters
- Kangaroo leg
- Bullroarer If it wraps around your arm, that wooden slat will smack the hell out of you.
- Pointed Stick
- Speedos Seeing a dude in one of those things will make you hurl your guts up.
- Clapsticks A pointed stick with Syphillus on it.
- Bar Stool Get drunk to fall off and smash your skull on the floor.
- The Booney Doll
- Bunyip carrying a broken beer bottle
- Wombat carrying a chainsaw
- Dingo Penis
- Stingray Barb
- John Howard eyebrows
Non Australian Weapons
- Detonator - Useful for blowing up the Australia Zoo HQ
- Alcohol Bottle
- Australia Zoo Hummer
- Toyota Supra (Wogster)
- HSV GTS Coupe
- Ford Mondeo (Vapid Mundane)
- Holden Commodore (Police)
- Ford BA Falcon (Taxi)
- Old Isuzu Fire truck
- Mercedes Benz Sprinter (Ambulance)
- Mitsubishi Eclipse GT (Forestall Trojan GT)
- Mitsubishi Lancer Evo VIII (Forestall Barack Obama VIII)
- Ford Focus (Vapid Apeture)
- VW New Beetle (Vulcar New Worm)
- Smart Car (Stupid tiny thing)
- Mini Cooper S Veilside
- Kevin Rudd's Limo
- Mistubishi Eclipse GST (Forestall Trojan GSB)
- Mercedes Benz C500 (Benefactor Mosman)
- Mazda RX 7 (Madza Fullysik)
- Subaru Impreza Rally Car
- Kawasaki Ninja ZR Motorbike
- Triumph Thunderbird
- Renault Master (Juardue Pyro)
- Australia Zoo Helicopter
- Police Horse
- Pimped Toyota Hiace (Karin Poser)
- Holden Calais (FBI)
- Hummer Stretch Limo (Mammoth Tosser)
- School Bus
- Renault Clio (The Slowest car in the game)(Juardue Cosmopolitan)
- Ford GT40
- A constantly late, unpredictable Connex train
- Holden Commodore - Pretty much reliable (for 10 seconds) and found all over the country, with a bogan in it. (Declasse Corporal)
- Holden Commodore 2007 - The latest in Holden's line up, the worst model of the Commodore features a much more pitiful V8 engine and is available in one boring gray colour. There is also a Racing Model driven by Greg "whinging bitch" Murphy.
- Holden Ute - Ultimate vehicle in the game, will always be unavailable, found driving with young white boy with backwards baseball cap and enormous pink sunglasses, think Corey Worthington. (Declasse Corporal Utility)
- Ford Ute - Isn't fast, but can drive nearly everywhere, always with a fat bloke and ladders in the back. (Vapid Hawk Utility)
- Ford Falcon - Normal version standard with man in suit, sports version has obnoxious yobbo.
- Harley Davidson - Often found driven by the Hells Angels. They are loud, obnoxious and unreliable like their riders.
- A vast collection of Road Trains up to 562436 trailers long
- Altough,at the re-released version of the game,after a sex tape was found in the box of the Original,The game only lets you ride an orange Kangaru,A pink bicycle,And a ho.
- John Howard during one of his power walks.
- The game is very controversial because it has nude women, Sexy women, you can pick up hookers, have sex with them and take them to
Aussie Strip Clubs, Oprah Winfrey was playing the game when she was drunk, there was 3 bottles of wine and she chose the wrong drink which had poison and was Supposed to attend a lawsuit, but she couldn't attend the lawsuit because she was Fucking Dead!
The most contreversial argument of GTA: Australia is the inability to swim underwater for more that 5 minutes. If this time limit is exceeded, Steve will be brutally killed by a manta ray, resulted in you being "Fuckin' Wasted Mate". Although the game's producer, Jimmy Kangaroo Piss "Castlemaine XxxX" Houser has argued the validity of this death, wussy, fat American Hippies have always detested in this feature of the game. Usually found strongly dosed up on LSD, these Hippies have always exclaimed that "Dude, Steve Irwin was my brother... He used to visit me when I was stoned man! Don't dis him!" Usually followed by either OD'ing or "Free Tibet!". Either way, nobody is interested in what Hippies have to say because they have never contributed to Uncyclopedia, therefore are useless, mindless faggots.
- Drunken Aussies in Chess chatrooms.
- A newspaper I found on a park bench.
- Bunch of stuff I stole from other sites on the web about Aussies.
- Pissing off citizens of the United Kingdom for Dummies.
- Spawn School Bus - KIDS
- Spawn Popemobile - THEPOPEOFSYDNEY
- Spawn Penis Car - WEE
- Spawn Hippy Bus - HARDROCKHALLEJULAH
- Have Steve Smoking Weed - JUNKIEIRWIN
- Wanted Level up to Six Stars - WANTEDIRWIN
- Commit Suicide - STINGRAYBARB
- Spawn Police Car - FUZZ
- Have Steve Snorting Coke - TRAFFICKING
- Spawn a Sex Limo - SEXYMAMA
- Steve doing a Crazy Dance Permanently - MICHAELJACKSON
- Pedestrians Hate Steve - AUSSIEPASTTIME
- Spawn a Delorean - BACK2THEFUTUR3
- Spawn a 1000mph Motorcycle - VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
- Spawn a Customized Mini - BRITCAR
- Spawn Kevin Rudd's Limo-KEVIN07
- Back to the future theme
- James Bond Theme
- The Frosties Kid Song
- Stairway to Heaven (Reversed)
- The Crazy Frog Song
- Fairytale of Melbourne
Triple J - The station for young people. Funded by the government, it includes various Australian music, such as Hip-Hop, Pop, Rock, Punk blah blah blah.
Fox FM - Has two comedic relief retards named Hamish Blake and Andy Lee. They provide idiodic entertainment and various stunts which include running naked on National Television, driving around Australia, joining the army and defecting to Iraq etc etc.
90.9 Sea FM - Has two idiots, simmilar to Hamish and Andy, named Ant and Becks. They do the exact same thing as Hamish and Andy, only they are craper.
|Grand Theft Auto|
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|Non-canonical||Grand Theft Audio | Grand Theft Election: Bush v. Gore|