Grease Farmer was born in Ivano-Frankivsk-Ivanka, Ukraine in 1972 to immigrant parents from the United States searching a better way of life. They eventually returned to the States because they were hungry and had heard that Taco Bell was open until 2am.
The Earlier Years
He was born with a birthmark that covered almost his entire body but this didn’t prevent him from pursuing a modeling career. While pursue it he did, he failed miserably. Oddly, being unhandsome wasn’t the only thing keeping him from his dream. Crying and closing himself off completely from the world – except for friends, family, school, and the yearbook committee - he found solace in the various different voices he would create to coincide with the imaginary characters that kept him company whilst locked away in hermit-dom. They would often get together on Thursday nights in the kitchen pantry to sing old prospector gold findin’ songs every Friday. He finally emerged in 1977 at the age of 12 after self-medicating with Diethypropion, Methylenedioxymethamphtemine, and Mayonnaise. Realizing that his unique vocalizations may suit him as a singer he set about locating a band in search of a vocalist.
The Early Years
In the early years he fronted a classic country cover band called “The Cornrows” where he wrote all of the lyrics and music for all of the songs that they covered. He was later involved in another band called “The Hoes” followed by “The Biotches” and later “nincomfuckinpoops”. This is where he met up with a player-piano player named John White. Impressed with John’s ability to play any song perfectly the first time whether he had heard it before or not – and often at times without even using his hands - Grease knew that there could be something special there and the chemistry between the two blossomed. They split from the “poops” and formed the group Garforth and Sons with Danny Carey and Johnny Cash.
During a drunken-barn-dance-gig-prank in 1980, Grease had set a llama to asplode at the end of the song “Afternoon delight” but upon hearing this the llama stomped his hoof twice, of course telling everyone of the planned stunt. Everyone was so appalled that they all gathered together with pitchforks and torches and….politely asked him to leave. He was later hit by a car and died.