Green Lightbulbs

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link titleA green lightbulb is a common name for a lightbulb that is green.

Green lightbulbs were often used in nuclear bunkers, during the Cold War, to show that everything was alright. However, this was merely a mind game played by the East. The West thought the East were totally serious, but the East were actually laughing at the really stupid West.

The Great Nuclear implosion of 1940 was caused by a green lightbulb breaking, and a Eastern Cactus interpreting that as a sign of nuclear war. Multiple Missles, in the ashape of small animals were launched at Eastland, however most landed in Narnia.

Green lightbulbs are also an export from the Netherlands, who mail them in little boxes marked with crosses, which turn up at 10 Downing Street.


Green lightbulbs are green, surprisingly enough. However, the colour has always varied.

One of the leading scientists of the Green Lightbulb colouring project, is Albert Einstein. He released a mathematical hypothesis about the proper colour of the light bulb. Since you are very thick then you would probably want to skip the following maths.

Mathematics to Prove Green[edit]

Let x equal the following:


Thus the optimum colour for a lightbulb is green.

Creating the Green Hue[edit]

Although Einstein's theories had proved the correct colour was being used, the actual process to generate this green hue was not possible for nearly twenty years after the concept was invented.

However, in 1984, an unnamed junior scientist was ignoring test results sent to him by his boss. However, he glanced the following while trying to ignore a thesis printed on pink paper.

“The tiny little bodies of dead rats make grinding noises when you put them through a flesh shredder.”

~ Thesis #1264 on Pest Control

This seemed pointless, until three years later, the named junior scientist (he had bought himself a name by then) read about how the experts from Colgate had discovered that a flesh converter occasionally produced green dye #12, when it was fed the body of a dead rat. He quickly violated copyrights, stole Colgate's life work (which is why they have been bankrupted recently), and produced a thesis on green lightbulbs.

“The tiny little bodies of dead rats make grinding noises when you put them through a flesh shredder. They also make the lightbulb green.”

~ Thesis #1265 on The Colour of Green Lightbulbs

Tamia's Comment on Green Lightbulbs[edit]

Shiny !

Response in the Media[edit]

The Media originally hated the idea of the lightbulb completely. All the tabloids such as Okay! and Hello! and Smile!, condemned the idea.

However, the Financial Times originally decided to become pink, after the colour blind editor, Marcus Icantsee went to the toilet with a green lightbulb. This is why the Financial Times sucks completely, and why Marcus Istillcantsee, changed his name, and joined the Secret Project.

The First Big Break[edit]

The green lightbulb's big break came when a well-known newspaper decided to write an article entitled: Green Lightbulbs; Lulling us into a False Sense of Stupidity.

The public then had their first glimpse into the creation of a green lightbulb. Animal rights activists stupidly believed that the flesh grinder was inhumane, and had to stop. However, since animal rights activists are incredibly stupid, they didn't realise we were putting them out of their misery.

Rape prevention[edit]

NO.. just, no.