Greg Mulholland

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Gregory Thomas Wilhem Anselm Timothy Mulholland III (born 31 February 1872) is a Sandal-wearer and Pathelogical Liar in the Capital of Yorkshire.

Early life[edit]

Mulholland was born to Clara Mul, a scot of Mongol descent, and Charlie Hans Holland, a Pennsylvanian liberal and petty thief. Mulholland's early years were marked by a rare form of premature aging, Infantile Poliosis which causes the hair to turn prematurely gray while not affecting the eyebrows. The only other known sufferer of this condition in the UK is Chancellor 'Captain' Darling.

Councillor[edit]

Contrary to popular belief, Mulholland is not a qualified Councillor, although he did once attract a suicidal ward colleague out of a burning building by posing as David Hasselhoff.

Member of Parliament[edit]

Mulholland is Member of Parliament for Otley and the arse end of nowhere, a constituency that includes much of the Leeds Student Ghetto, and let's be honest, a Member he most certainly is. As the member for that particular area, Mulholland can regularly be seen at the National Pissing Olympics where he has twice won awards, both in the long-distance piss and largest volume of piss produced in a single day[1].

Eyebrows[edit]

Under the Bodily Hair Act (Amendment) (England) Order 2006, Mulholland's eyebrows are recognised as a unique species in their own right. The penalty for the trimming, plucking or otherwise interference with this particular face-fuzz is on a rising scale up to potential death by firing squad for the most serious offences.

Contrary to popular belief, Mulholland does not have a monobrow. However, that doesn't mean you should mistrust him any less.

The door to the deck chair hut in the House of Chavs is controlled by a biometric scanner activated by Mulholland's eyebrows. In order to ensure their continued presence in parliament in the event of Mulholland's political demise, they have been selected to contest the safe sandal wearing seat of Newquay Beach.

Personal life[edit]

In 1893, Mulhollands eyebrows were briefly engaged to the beard of WG Grace. However, following their acrimonious split Mulholland was free to pursue his first love of Lesser skilled egg chasing. In 1954 he married Reagan, a second-row forward and part-time US president.

References[edit]