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Gretna is a toilet in Scotland made up of precisely three people - Rowan Alexander, Brooks Mileson and Yer Maw. Well actually, sorry I was joking. There's the entire Gretna F.C. squad as well. And Yer Maw lives in Aberdeen. So that's twenty odds.

The beginning of Gretna[edit]

Gretna was always a confused land - not sure whether it was English or Scottish. It has changed between these two countries like Alsace and Lorraine between Germany and France. To begin with it only had three houses until 1983 when a toilet was installed. It's only economic importance nowadays is Gretna Green, a large field of long grass where farmers come to sell their animals and English people come to dump their politicians.

"Go ahead, Jim. Show 'em yer arse!"[edit]

One of Gretna's main uses nowadays is being the standpoint from where you moon the English from. Scots have travelled from all parts of Scotland, from Glasgow to Bishopbriggs, just to engage in this traditional Scottish custom. The English, who are the real British country behind the British stereotypes (the English are known to apologise to buses when being hit by them) never retaliate - the Scots use this to full advantage by occasionally throwing haggis' and heading to Hadrian's Wall to defecate over the edge.

The Death of Gretna[edit]

Gretna died in 2007 when it made the mistake of dissing the Celtic fans. The Celtic fans doused Gretna in a mixture of Irn-Bru and Scotch whiskey, resulting in instant death to a town full of inhabitants exposed to the English so much. They are still remembered today for that one time Gretna F.C. scored an extra goal in extra time just to take the whish out of St. Johnstone.