Grid Computing

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Because of their so-called intelligence, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will never have a proper article about Grid Computing. We are sorry for their blatant retardedness.

An escape technique used by imprisoned cows.


Ever since the domestication of the wild aurochs in prehistoric times, a war has existed between humanity and the cattle on which they feed. While individual cows are capable of no more than mild interest in the world around them, as a herd they can be cunning and ruthless. Their telepathic powers combine to form a single entity capable of feats such as genetic manipulation and interstellar travel.

The number of cows required to successfully carry out a grid computation is determined by the size, width and spacing of the cattle grid which they wish to cross.

In the 1940s, British scientists finally cracked the telepathic code used by cattle and developed the BSE (Bovine Signal Emulator), commonly known as the Mad Cow device. This small box of electronics mimicked the natural telepathy of cattle, causing confusion and erratic behaviour in affected invidiuals.

The cattle responded with Foot-In-Mouth disease; a biological agent which disrupted the areas in the human brain responsible for speech. This has caused decades of embarrassment and social alienation. Some humans are now campaigning for better conditions for cattle, to stem this rapidly escalating conflict.


The first Mad Cow device was created by running an electrical current through two waffle irons containing cake mixture which had been perfectly cooked and lubricated with maple syrup.

Many techniques for calculating the exact waffle cooking time and temperature have been developed. These calculations depend on factors such as wind speed, ambient temperature, rainfall, power fluctuation and radio signal interference from nearby astral bodies, and are complex enough that a network of computers known as SETI has been dedicated to them.

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