Gucci Mane

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Gucci with his new hat.
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Gucci Mane.

Radric Davidson Latrell Quantavius RideOrDieNigga Dumbass (born February 12nd, 1857) better known by his stage name Gucci Mane, is a nigga, and C.E.O. of Dumbass Brick Squad Entertainment.

"Please Mr. Warden won't you give me my freedom" is a popular phrase by Gucci.You can't ride (or be killed in) Atlanta without hearing his name. Its not because he often includes disrespecting messages toward celebrities like T.I. or Eminem in his redundant music or because he still commands the allegiance of large portions of the city's Bloods, but because he has prevailed as a dominant figure amongst the younger populations in Atlanta who empathize with his virulent love of sexual promiscuity and unbridled drug use.

His musical and lyrical talent is routinely questioned and the subject of intense debate whenever he leaves his home. Just like Lil Wayne and Jay-Z have grabbed thrones in New Orleans and New York respectively, GUCCI MANE (claims he is) IS THE BEST RAPPAH ALIVE in East Atlanta. Yep.. its somehow true. Amongst his most profound verses, he has gained widespread acclaim for his work on Mariah Carey's Obsessed (Dreadremix), where he proudly states "Gucci Mane, Mariah Carey, Bling, Blau, Wow!" Likewise "Freaky Gurl" was predicted by many expert critics to be his deepest literary production and the bastion of Hip-Hop evolution well into the 22nd century, until the release of his co-produced, final masterpiece, "Distant Relatives: of Body Guard Rape," featuring Lil BowWow, which has enjoyed #1 billboard status for the last 14 months. He routinely misspells "girl" as "gurl" (what a dumb!), but you have to recognize that as his innate, appealing monkey swag, a direct and unfortunate result of his atrophied frontal lobe (see "Personal Life" section).

While serving a six-month jail term for assaulting an unarmed man with a sex toy in late 2005, Davis was charged with Pyro-Necro-Beastiality, though the charges were later dropped due to a lack of remaining testable evidence from the remnants of the scarred animal corpse.

Origin of the name[edit]

The origin of the name "Gucci Mane" comes from a slippery wet dream, about masturbating on a pile of accessories produced by Italian fashion brand Gucci. It should be noted however that even though he calls himself "Gucci Mane" he has never been witnessed wearing any sort of Gucci garment. K-mart plans to sue Gucci Mane since all the clothes he wears to events are from K-mart and expect him to change his name to "K-Mane". The House of Gucci has repeatedly tried to contact Gucci Mane to demand a "cease and decease" use of their name. It is impossible for someone to sell 14 albums, all 3 dollars and be able to afford Gucci brand clothing. The origins of the name "Mane" are still up to debate as he is neither a horse or a lion. A popular origin theory is that the name comes from the Portuguese word meaning talentless hack.

Early Life[edit]

Mr. Mane rode the short bus to child back when he was a child. He dropped out when he was in the 3rd grade. He was so sad that all he did was stay home and try to punch a wall. Gucci moved to Alaska shortly after dropping out and still suffers from permanent freezer burn, why do you think he always says "burr" all the time? Gucci spent some time in New Jersey, auditioning to be part of the cast of the Jersey Shore. After being rejected from the show for claiming to be Snooki's Baby Daddy, Mr. Mane swore that New Jersey was the worst state in America.

Gucci's 1st Grade Picture

---Drug Problems--- Gucci Mane grew up around drugs, and at the age of 3, smoked his first cigarette. By the age of 6, Mane was so heavily addicted to Nicotine that he had to be brought to the emergency room to have an anal evacuation. After a year of therapy with Dr. Igeterdone, Mane was cured of his nicotine addiction. Sadly, a day later though, he became dependent on crack cocaine. After snorting straight blow for hours a day, Gucci Mane went into a coma for three days, and was taken to Dr. Chi Fung Chow Who's office. Mr. Who was able to get Mane to snap out of his coma, by dangling a crack rock in front of his nose. Some say that Gucci's crack addiction is what caused his certified mental retardation today. Popular quotes by Gucci are "Yeaaaaaaahhhhhh" and "BUUURRRRRR!". The University of Washington did a study in 2008 and declared these quotes as "Stupid" and something that would come from "A newborn infant making his first noises while learning to speak." The results have not been tested positive as of yet.

Music career[edit]

In 2005, Dumbass released his independent debut album entitled Trapped in my House. The theme of the album is mainly about his memory of locking himself in his shack for a month and fucking himself in the ass repeatedly. He survived the drought time by drinking purple drank every morning, and turning over some hentai mangas to spank his monkey every night, both to get high. The album featured the successful single "Icy" with Atlanta's best nigga Young "Jeeezuzzz" Jeezy. However, disputes over the rights to this single eventually caused a rift between the two artists. Mane later stated that title "Icy" refers to the title of his favorite hentai manga.

His next album was entitled Street Memory. This album title refers to Mane's painful experience as a young boy where Gucci was violently raped by a group of rival, homosexual gang members due to a dispute over the location of his anal beads. In the song "Hold Dat Shit" he raps about his memories about using pistols; he was trying to brag his new Desert Eagle on his foes, however the conscience repulsed against his behavior and eventually he ended up by getting shot twice in his balls. Mane also revealed that the reason for his his attitude is that he refuses to be famous and the reason he keeps staying underground is that he is scared of mainstream rappers and their use of weapons, particularly in the promotion of ass-rape.
The album sold twenty three copies worldwide, and became his highest selling album during the independent time.

Gucci was propelled to mainstream success with the release of Back to be Trapped in my House in 2007, which sold 8 copies its first week. The album was fueled by the hit single "Freaky Gurl", which peaked at #12 on the U.S. Billboard Hot Fake Hip-Hop Songs. The album sold 120 copies so far, and became his best selling album. Yay! Stand up Gucci Mane fans!

Recently, he has appeared on the remix of the Black Eyed Peas "vroom vroom ow!!" and Mariah Carey's "Obsessed". He also makes a guest appearance on Mario's "Break Up" and Trey Songz's (LOL...) along with Soulja Boy (double LOL). He will be releasing his label debut The State or Wyoming vs 'GAY'dric Davis (sick burn, am I right?) tentatively slated for fall 2009, With the first single being, "Wasted" featuring southern gorilla rapper Piles and KoKo, the sign-language-capable ape from the Atlanta Zoo, who has frequently ghost-written many of Gucci's verses. It debuted at #999 on the Billboard Hot 1000 chart, making it Gucci's most successful single to date. The second single is "Pay Me Half Dolla" featuring Usher. The third single is "Are you rolling?... 'Bitch, I might be'". The fourth single is "Baby Girl, I Want Your Pelvis". He is planning a music video for his fifth single "Uncyclopedia R0ck5".

In his accounting years, Mane was credited for formulating the "Shopping Spree" theorem, in which he theorized that "We make more money than doctors, da lawyers, da dentists, da chemists, da doctors, da lawyers, yo money together couldn't get ya..." (he goes on to state various amenities that these professions cannot acquire with their income).

In October 2009 Gucci Mane paid MTV to place him on the number six position Top 10 Hottest MCs in the Toilet toping his arch rival Young Jeezy. After celebration of his number six position of Crack, Heroin, and Burger King street sales, Gucci Mane and DJ Drama released his 9th mix tape in under a week Guctoburr!!!

Dat trap life, well damn![edit]

After his release from hospital, Gucci visited a tattoo parlour and had a large tattoo of an ice cream cone inked onto his face. Mane claims that he got this tattoo to symbolize "the traumatic and violent molestation [he] endured from his Uncle, Lionel Mane, throughout his childhood and up until his 23rd birthday when Lionel was hospitalized by and subsequently a victim of Feline Auto-Immune Deficiency Syndrome. Gucci remarked that although Lionel Mane caused him "much discomfort and a difficult time sitting down," his uncle would "forever keep on living inside [him]" in spirt.

Legal Issues[edit]

Gucci Mane is, unfortunately, suffering from presbyopia. However he is enthusiastic to spread brand new "hip hop convex glasses" trend across the USA.

On May 37, 2009, he was attacked by a group of elderly women at a house in Decatur. Gucci's sidekick Oj da juiceman shot at the group, killing 154, merking 203, wasting 96, and injuring 3. The corpse of one of the attackers, Lil' B, was found later behind a nearby dumpster, and as an autopsy later showed, contained the classic signs of rape: choke marks around the neck, heavy rectal penetration, and vat-loads of semen splatter (carbon-marked as at least 7 distinct ejaculatory events) amongst the victims chest, back, and face - centering mainly and mercilessly on the eyes.

Earlier in his career, Gucci turned himself in to police investigators (May 14h, 1985) and was subsequently charged with raping a VIP musician Lil Wayne. Davis claimed that the shots fired by his party were in self-defense. However, at the same time Lil Wayne released a famous song "Mrs. Officer" which praised police activity and garnered Wayne heavy credibility amongst the Police work-force. Wayne used his new found support to ensure that Gucci Mane was arrested. He was subsequently sentenced and given the choice of either 13 years in prison, or the payment of a $37.50 fine and surrendering of his fake "ICY" chain to police. On May 25th, 1985, Gucci chose the former one and taken away to jail in handcuffs.

On November 2, 2010, Gucci Mane was arrested for driving his Volkswagen Beetle lowrider on the wrong side of the road, running a red light, damage to government property (three female police officer's required immediate vaginal reconstructive surgery), obstruction (of several 'exits'), no license, no proof of insurance and other traffic charges. He was taken to Grady Memorial Hospital where doctors soon attributed his strange behavior, lack of clothing, and infatuation with the taste of the hospital floor and waiting room chairs, to the consumption of dangerously high amounts of LSD, PCP, and Sniffed Cat Urine (commonly known as 'Cheesing').

On January 4, 2011, a judge in the Superior Court of Georgia’s Fulton County ordered rapper Gucci Mane to a psychiatric hospital, according to court documents. The documents reveal that his lawyers filed a Special Plea of Mental Incompetency on Dec. 27 arguing that their client Gucci Mane is unable “maintain and/or in anyway intelligently participate in social activities, as he has long been stricken with a chronic case of mental retardation.”

On July 19, 2012, Gucci Mane was arrested for anal-raping a group of innocent cats. The cats were very adamant about Gucci serving a long jail sentence and he was forced to spend 2 and a half hours in the Blue Oyster State Penitentiary. While in prison, Gucci apparently gained credibility among fellow inmates for being able to fit 7 plungers and a sink inside of his anus.

Discography[edit]

  • 2005: Trapped in the House
  • 2006: Street Memories
  • 2007: Back to be Trapped in the House
  • 2009: The State of Wyoming vs Gucci Mane -
    Gucci Mane is back, with fully dressed Yankee style which brought to you by the state of Wyoming. However his conscience tries to repress him so he can stay back in ghetto low key with his good-old monkey swagger. Battle between Yankee and gangsta has now begun.

Singles[edit]

Year Song Chart Positions Album
U.S. U.K. Sweden Iran China Uganda North Korea North Pole disco Texas Michigan and Friends Iraqistan
2005 "Icy" (feat. Young "Jeezuzzz" Jeezy) 105 - 132 100 32 14 33 13 - 112 1 Trapped in My House
2006 "Go Head" 87 99 22 16 10 2 22 83 - 111 1
2007 "Black As The Featured Artist" (featuring Akon) 142 93 1 9 12 1 3 8 - 110 1 Street Memory
2009 "Wasted" (featuring Piles & LMFAO) - 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 - 109 1 The State of Wyoming vs Gucci Mane
"Pay Me Half Dolla" (featuring Usher) 116 9 32 86 - 110 - 32 - 108 1
2011 "I'm Trassexual, Not a Homo, Bitch" - 65 - 94 44 72 - - - - 2

As you can see, Gucci Mane is still underrated inside America. Go head, buy his album mo' fo sho!!!

Spork.jpg This page was originally sporked from Wikipedia, where they don't understand what I'm going through.