Guild of Tramps

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A typical tramp

The Guild of Tramps is an organization of venerable and hermetic hobos who see to it that the rights of all hobos are protected. Their duties include organizing the begging rota, handing out old clothes that have been worn by other hobos for centuries and selling teeth for pennies.

Roots so old that they can vote[edit]

The Guild of Tramps is thought to have existed for millennia, but no one can prove this as all documents from this era spontaneously disappeared, around the time when the Guild was seen wearing some rather stylish paper clothes, wrapped inexpertly around their grubby dishevelled forms.

History that happened after pre-historic times but before modern times[edit]

The Guild of Tramps had grown by leaps and bounds since its humble beginning. Its record for number of members before the birth of Jesus is recorded as twenty-seven, all of them documented as living in what is now known as the Gaza Strip. In the time of Jesus, which modern tempomancy places between 100 bc and tomorrow, the number of members swelled as Jesus himself, or at least one of himselves, joined the Order of the Guild as a neophyte who swept the floors of the expansive guildhouse. Seeing this, the impressionable and weak minded flock that followed him joined as well, forsaking their dirt-hovels and shanty shacks to live the glamourous life of a Tramp of the Guild. During this period it is believed that the guild had twenty-nine members, Jesus and the wasted pot addict that was constantly scrounging of the Saviour contributing the two new members..

Recent history and future history[edit]

Recently the Guild of Tramps has receded from the glorious limelight of their past and has become virtually unknown. As such not much of their history in this era is known, as many believe it to not exist. These people are wrong, however as it does exist, but it consists of one man, the only remaining member.

Obligations and duties[edit]

The Guild of tramps is morally obligated to help other tramps who are 'down on their luck'. In this case 'down on their luck' means begging money and belongings form passers-by and then selling them to buy booze, pot, or anything else their booze and pot addled minds can hallucinate up. The Guild of Tramps helps these unfortunate souls by giving them possessions stolen from 'those rich heathens who live in them la-di-da houses' to sell for booze money. Other than this the Guild rarely does anything except scratch itself now and then.

Conspiracy theories, raving lunatics, crazy ramblings and peeing in the streets[edit]

There have been many theories about the Guild of Tramps, most famous of which is that of famous nutter, Tony Blair.

“Guild of Tramps? Doesn't exist. Now how about you gimme some money, eh?”

~ Tony Blair on Guild of Tramps

This belief in the non-existence of the Guild is mistakenly placed. Others have theorized that the Guild is not a secret society of conspirators that some say they are, but are really an ignored group of grubby smelly men that don't fit in in society and are just trying to do the right thing. According to God, the question must remain in abeyance until after the Apocalypse, since he has 'too much to do' in preparation for blasting us to pieces in a blaze of hellfire meteorites, and, for some reason, exploding snowflakes.

See Also[edit]